Forged By Fire Sporking Part Four

[pangolin20]

theepistler wrote in antishurtugal, 2017-10-28 20:06:00

Forged By Fire Sporking: Part Four

Hi everybody! I've been inactive for a while thanks to a nasty virus that inflamed my sinuses so badly I kept waking up in a panic at night because I'd temporarily stopped breathing, but I'm back now and ready with more sporkage! What stupid thing is Zarq going to do this time? Let's find out. I'll just be coughing my lungs up while I get this formatted - don't mind me.

Part Four: The Bad Guys Show Up And Ruin Everything (So What Else Is New?)

Zarq wakes up the next morning to find she’s now untied and Tansan has left. So much for keeping an eye on her, I guess. Savga is there, and they go outside together where “sunlight was pouring like yolk sauce over the compound”.

You know, yolk sauce actually sounds kinda tasty. I always liked the texture of egg yolk, and I bet if you took some and mixed it up with a few flavourings it’d be just the thing for dipping savoury pastries in, and yes I’m stalling.

The dragonmaster is nowhere to be seen, and Tansan’s mother, the woman with the “snail eyes” (shudder) asks Zarq to help her pluck a “pyumar”. All we’re told about this animal is that it’s some sort of bird. Is it a chicken by another name? I have no idea. Where did they get it from? No clue. It’s just there.

The two of them chat a bit about Tansan, who is apparently headstrong and can’t keep her trap shut. Hey, just like Zarq’s mother.

…what’s the female version of an Oedipus complex? I’m just asking.

Zarq still can’t see the dragonmaster anywhere, which is unfortunate because she actually does want to betray the rebels; she’s not happy about their plan to break into the dragon stables and break the wings of half “her” dragons.

Just then a bunch of evil priests are spotted, and Zarq is told to grab the dead birds and hide in the barracks.

It just occurred to me to wonder – why are the peasant villages described like some sort of military complex, with the barracks and the central compound? It’s weird.

Zarq freaks because she doesn’t know where Savga is, but runs off into the barracks anyway. At the last moment she spots the dragonmaster, and they exchange glances. It’s very dramatic. Savga comes running, and Zarq yells that they should hide in the fields, but Tansan’s mum says they’ll just get hunted down and the shit beaten out of them.

So they hide in the barracks instead, and watch while the evil priests come along with a bunch of soldiers. The soldier’s uniforms are described in intricate but ultimately pointless detail, rendered even more pointless thanks to the purple prose making it all but impossible to understand.

The paras all wore the nationally recognised uniform of a soldier: boiled leather skirt and plastron, faces corded with sinister cicatrices dyed blue, hair in double topknots that protruded from each forehead like the blunt horns of a young jungle buck.

Um… what?

One of the evil priests grabs a scroll and starts reading out the names of people who have to report to him for imminent slavery. And oh no – Savga is on the list, and so is Zarq!

…wait, how do they even know about Zarq? She arrived here unofficially and has been here for maybe a week, during which time they haven’t exactly carried out a census. I’m calling plot hole on this one.

The women all start carrying on like professional mourners and claw themselves so badly they actually make themselves bleed. It’s very dramatic. And moving. It’s dra-moving. Tansan’s mum, aka Snail Eyes (for once it’s not Zarq giving someone a dumb nickname; this time it’s me) tells Zarq she has to look after Savga now and be her “mother-only” (screw Tansan, I guess), then collapses melodramatically.

So now Zarq has been sold into slavery. I guess that means we can tick that off our list of dramatic cliché fantasy plot points. Zarq is chained in a column with the others, and apparently she can smell colours now, as we’re informed that the soldiers, or “paras” smell like “black leather”. Right.

Also, Paras is a type of Pokemon. So let’s all amuse ourselves by pretending Zarq is being guarded by a bunch of these little cuties.

PARAS used GUARD BRUTALITY.
...It's super-effective!
Foe USELESS PROTAGONIST fainted!

Zarq’s only ray of sunshine, other than being chained to her new bestie/substitute kid is that she has “a small rusted chain and clasp” somebody slipped her. Maybe she can use that to pick the lock and escape? Or maybe she’ll just get rescued via Deus Ex Machina again. We’ll see.

Zarq recognises the clasp; it’s from the cape she used in the Arena and apparently threw away afterwards even though the thing’s about the deadliest weapon in the entire series. Other than the exploding sword, of course. She decides it must be a message from Gen, and passes that information along to the dragonmaster, who’s also been sold off. As you’d expect, he’s not encouraged.

The new slaves are led off after a pointless scene of some women being caned with the flats of some soldiers’ sword blades, and Zarq wangsts about how she’s losing her hoooome. You know, again. You’d think she’d be more than used to it by now, but apparently not.

Zarq then realises that if she hadn’t fucked up the previous night’s meeting, the rebels might have rallied after all and been ready to fight off the soldiers. So this situation is – sob! – all her fault! She’s so upset she actually pukes.

Then I puked as well, becaus a) Virus, and b) torylltales quoted some "romantic" dialogue from the Star Wars prequels at me, sadistic bastard that he is. I ate that box of Pizza Shapes in vain.

Then she forgets all about it and gives us half a page of boring description of people watching them go by. A bunch of old women look at the slaves “as if we were pashnor ki fa cinai ersen, the handwriting of the enraged Pure Dragon, which is what the wreckage left by a hurricane is called in the Emperor’s tongue”

Um… what? What the hell was that supposed to mean? Rarely has an author used so many words to say so little.

I ship Cross/Paolini now. Their loquacious love was Meant To Be!

Zarq also sees a woman whose skin is “the brown of a wet water vole”.

Hey, did I mention the author is about as white as a snowman? I just thought it was worth pointing that out. I mean, you don’t generally see us white people harp on this much about the skin colour of any of our non-white characters, do you?

After even more pointless description, the slaves eventually arrive back at the main Temple complex. I could have sworn it took way longer than a day for Zarq and the dragonmaster to travel the other way, and they weren’t hampered by being chained to a bunch of kids that time around. It wouldn’t be the first time travel times were a wee bit shonky in this trilogy.

Oh, and apparently when she’s staring in amazement, Savga’s eyes look like “peeled songbird eggs”. Don’t make me break out the Photoshop again, author; it was nightmarish enough last time.

Finally they’re taken into a very ornately described courtyard full of beautiful flowers and the like. From there they’re taken to another rather less nice courtyard where some random guy is flagellating himself Da Vinci Code style. No, this will never become important.

They’re then dumped in a room with a water trough and left to their own devices, and yet another useless chapter ends with them all having a nice drink which Zarq informs us will result in lots of nasty diarrhea. Just keep pounding it in, why don’t you? I didn’t know slavery was… unpleasant! But there you go, I guess.

The next chapter opens with Zarq singing to Savga and two other kids, who she refers to as “my three unwanted children”. Wait, in the last chapter you were waxing lyrical about how wonderful and sweet Savga is, and now she’s “unwanted” just because you have to take care of her?

Wow, you really are a bitch, Zarq.

Blah blah, everyone’s miserable and Zarq somehow knows what a tailbone is. Finally she and the dragonmaster are summoned to go and meet up with Ghepp. Zarq, predictably, says she wants to bring the kids with her. The same kids she called “unwanted” two pages ago. The messenger says no, and when she persists he threatens to have the kids beheaded if she doesn’t STFU. Zarq really doesn’t know how to pick her battles, does she?

The kids are petrified, and Zarq gets rid of the two I didn’t bother to name by physically assaulting them. I’m not kidding; she “hits” and “smacks” them to make them let go while yelling about how she’ll come back for them. The kids get the point and run off, but Zarq refuses to put Savga down and finally declares that she’s bringing her along or else. Whereupon the guy and his soldier offsider kick the crap out of her.

Wait, no they don’t. Instead they just go along with it after the dragonmaster speaks up and tells them to stop wasting time. Whatever.

Zarq proceeds to waste time anyway – ours, that is – by wondering if the dragonmaster actually hates kids or just pretends to since his job meant watching a hell of a lot of them die. She concludes that he’s “ingeniously” using his feigned impatience with kids to protect Zarq.

Okay, two things. No, make that three things. No, wait – five things.

One, this isn’t how character development is supposed to work. It’s even more “telling”, plus it’s needlessly spelled out for us in big capital letters.

Two, this is neither the time or place for Zarq to be having detailed reflections about someone else’s motivations. She’s supposed to be in a tense, dangerous situation.

And three, how the hell does she even know what’s going through his head, or that this isn’t a genuine show of impatience. Why would the dragonmaster care about Savga anyway?

Oh, and four? I’d hardly call this “ingenious”, Zarq. You don’t even know if it’s intentional. So just shut up. Preferably forever.

Finally, five – when the hell did this series become all about kids, kids, kids? I guess I could be charitable and call it part of the “theme” about mothers and daughters, but even that is pretty damn flimsy.

Anyway, so the result of all this is that she’s allowed to take the stupid kid with her. Savga had better serve some sort of actual purpose in the story; otherwise this is just pointless melodrama.

(Spoilers: Savga actually does have a plot-relevant role to play. It just happens to be extremely stupid and contrived).

Zarq walks off with her, leaving the other two behind, and wonders whether this is how her dear mother felt when she abandoned Zarq by choosing Waivia over her. Probably, but who cares?

Finally Zarq is taken to see Ghepp. 89 pages in and virtually nothing has happened – maybe Ghepp can help with that? (I wouldn’t count on it).

Oh, my mistake. She’s actually been taken to see the “First Chancellor”, whoever the hell that is. The jerk announces that the dragonmaster owes him money and dismisses the messenger and guards, saying he’ll deal with him. The moment they’re gone, an enchantment is undone and the “Chancellor” turns out to be Gen in disguise. Zarq, the idiot, yells about how his skin is “the wrong colour”, which goes over about as well as you’d expect, and then rants on about the kiddies being put in chains, etc. He replies that there’s no other way to pay off the Clutch’s debts and how it was Ghepp’s decision to make.

Zarq yells back that it’s her Clutch, not his. Just keep telling yourself that, you stupid prat.

The argument continues, and we now find out about all the potentially exciting stuff we didn’t get to see. Apparently Kratt is majorly pissed about Ghepp getting his own Clutch and suspects “foul play”. Thanks to him Ghepp has no allies and was only able to buy a “destrier” (STOP CALLING THEM THAT) with “scale rot”. He’s also seen to it that everyone now thinks of Zarq as the Devil incarnate, and when Zarq sneers that she’s “always been unpopular with the public”, Gen goes on to explain that people seriously think she’s pure evil, adding that Kratt is afraid of the Skykeeper, and that she’s “like a thundercloud” and Kratt fears “the lightning you can shed”.

Could you please stop fucking around and talk like a human being, Gen? I’d appreciate it. Also, note how Zarq’s style of talking has changed once again.

Zarq has a nasty moment of realisation – unlike everyone else she knows Waivia has the Skykeeper now, and the real reason Kratt wants her dead is in case it goes back to her somehow. Oh no I’m so scared for her, etcetera.

Gen starts to talk about whatever the plan is, but Zarq stands up and refuses to do whatever it is. When the dragonmaster sneerily points out that she doesn’t even know what she’s refusing to do, she bitchslaps him, then tells Gen that unless every slave is sent home safely she’s out. Gen says they can’t do that, because then how will they pay for the new dragon. Which he wants her to have dragonsex with, naturally. That’s the whole reason they bought it, in fact.

Yup, everything hinges on Zarq doing it with a dragon. Again. (Why can’t they find a volunteer or just force some other woman to do it if Zarq won’t play ball? She’s already proven she’s no better at interpreting “dragonsong” than anyone else who’s done it).

Zarq say they should just demolish one of the “mansions” she saw on the way over and use the marble to make expensive goodies such as perfume jars, then sell that to pay off the dragon. Gen says Ghepp won’t be happy about it, but accepts. Since when was he calling the shots around here anyway?

Either way the plan goes ahead, and Zarq insists on accompanying Savga and the other kids back to their home village. Apparently this is more important than sticking around to deal with Ghepp and make sure everything goes smoothly. Gen comes along too, and gives a speech about how this was all Ghepp’s idea and isn’t he wonderful.

In a nice touch of realism, rather than being happy about getting their kids back, the peasants are just pissed off at having had them taken away in the first place.

Finally they reach the village Savga and the rest came from, and we get some cutesy parent/kid reunions. But oh no – Zarq can’t give Savga back to her mother, because she’s left! Apparently this latest Clutch Overseer bullshit was the last straw, so Tansan and a bunch of other people have fucked off into the wilderness somewhere. Savga screams her head off, and Zarq realises that from now on, she’s the kid’s mother and “everything I thought and did would from that moment onward revolve around the child in my arms.”

Okay, the Savga/Zarq relationship was cute in the first chapter or so, but I’m now officially bored of hearing about the kid, and quite frankly irritated as well. Why? Because Savga has successfully become yet another element used to completely sidetrack the plot and waste even more time just screwing around.

Also, who wants to bet whether Zarq will actually end up raising the kid, or whether this little subplot will ultimately fall by the wayside? I hope it does, but I’d much rather it never began in the first place.

Might I add, we’re 99 pages in and the cover shows Zarq wielding a sword. So far she hasn’t wielded jack shit and has spent most of the book mothering some random kid she found. See? I told you the cover was a complete lie.

24 comments

bewdtamer19
October 28 2017, 20:39:53
Yay, more sporkings! And so sorry to hear that you're sick. I will be wishing a quick recovery for you.

…what’s the female version of an Oedipus complex? I’m just askin'.

Since you asked, the answer is this:
https://www.verywell.com/what-is-the-electra-complex-2795170


theepistler
October 28 2017, 22:08:36
Huh, fancy that. I'd heard of the Electra Complex, but never bothered to find out more about it until now. And now I'm creeped out.

And so sorry to hear that you're sick. I will be wishing a quick recovery for you.

Aw, thanks! Fortunately for me I have a ridiculously strong immune system, so when I get sick I generally shake it off in a few days without needing to see a doctor.


snarkbotanya
October 29 2017, 05:52:47
You know, yolk sauce actually sounds kinda tasty. I always liked the texture and flavour of egg yolk, and I bet if you took some and mixed it up with a few spices it’d be just the thing for dipping savoury pastries in, and yes I’m stalling.
I'm a bit more partial to the egg whites, personally. I typically don't like the yolk unless it's mixed with/smothered in an ungodly amount of ketchup. I guess if we ever met up for brunch in person we could trade egg components and yes, I'm stalling too.

…what’s the female version of an Oedipus complex? I’m just askin'.

Electra Complex. And the parent-to-child version is a Jocasta Complex.

"boiled leather skirt and plastron, faces corded with sinister cicatrices dyed blue, hair in double topknots that protruded from each forehead like the blunt horns of a young jungle buck"

That looks... absolutely goddamn ridiculous. Ignoring the hilarious topknots, "cicatrices" are healed-over scars, so either the soldiers practice scarification and dye it blue, or Janine Cross is committing The Crepuscular Handbag (wherein the author flaunts somebody else's vocabulary).

PARAS used GUARD BRUTALITY.
...It's super-effective!
Foe USELESS PROTAGONIST fainted!

*falls over laughing*

Then I puked as well, because a) Virus, and b) torylltales quoted some "romantic" dialogue from the Star Wars prequels at me, sadistic bastard that he is.

What the hell, Toryll? Quoting that shit to someone who's already feeling sick? For shaaaaaaame. *Son I Am Disappoint stare*

Savga’s eyes look like “peeled songbird eggs”. Don’t make me break out the Photoshop again, author; it was nightmarish enough last time.

DO IT! DOOOOO IIIIIIIIIIIIT! I love Nighmare Fuel. :3

“everything I thought and did would from that moment onward revolve around the child in my arms.”

*gag* Fuck off, Zarq. Fuck off with your sudden "motherliness" or I will rip out my own uterus and hit you in the face with it. I already want to do both.


I hope you feel better soon, Epistler! Athena and I send hugs and purrs. And, because this is tradition now, here's your Cute Cat for the chapter:


theepistler
October 29 2017, 14:06:19
*falls over laughing*

I love making Pokemon jokes. :D

That looks... absolutely goddamn ridiculous. Ignoring the hilarious topknots, "cicatrices" are healed-over scars, so either the soldiers practice scarification and dye it blue, or Janine Cross is committing The Crepuscular Handbag (wherein the author flaunts somebody else's vocabulary).

IKR? I just couldn't picture it at all clearly, and what picture I did get was absolutely ridiculous.

DO IT! DOOOOO IIIIIIIIIIIIT! I love Nighmare Fuel. :3

The denizens of this comm. will forever curse the pair of us for this, but... here you go.

Ooh, I think I need to throw up again...

*gag* Fuck off, Zarq. Fuck off with your sudden "motherliness" or I will rip out my own uterus and hit you in the face with it. I already want to do both.

Ditto. I find it really off-putting how utterly obsessed she is with the kid; the attempts at "motherliness" just come off as creepy and possessive. Plus the kid basically becomes an insufferable parasite more or less literally glued to her new "mommy's" side from this point onward. After even more endless descriptions of Savga clinging onto Zarq like a baby monkey, I started desperately wanting a long hot shower.

snarkbotanya
October 29 2017, 14:48:38
Hmm... I think the snails were a creepier photoshop, while the eggs were a creepier mental image.



theepistler
October 29 2017, 16:02:04
Yeah, because eggs look a hell of a lot more like eyes than snails do. Still off-putting, though.

Whoo, more Anya Snarkbot fanart! Now I'm just hoping you'll draw the *real* Skykeeper when it eventually shows up, because it's a doozy.

snarkbotanya
October 29 2017, 19:35:07
I guess I'll have to now that you've mentioned it. Speaking of things one or both of us have mentioned...


theepistler
October 29 2017, 19:47:17
BAHAHAHAH!

In return, here's my second pass at the "peeled eggs for eyes" photoshop. Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair!


snarkbotanya
October 29 2017, 19:58:27
GAH! Yeah, that's a lot closer to what I was imagining. Bleeeaaagghhhh, peeled egg eyes. Yuck.

Note: in the "drawing", Zarq's not hunched over (much); Vanora's just really tall.


theepistler
October 29 2017, 20:04:25
You're welcome. >:D Man, I hate it when you try to peel a boiled egg and big chunks of the white stick to the shell and you end up throwing half of it away. The trick is to plunge the eggs into iced water the moment they've finished boiling!

I suspect Zarq probably isn't very tall anyway; severe childhood malnutrition tends to stunt one's growth. (And IQ).


snarkbotanya
October 29 2017, 20:19:47
I personally prefer my eggs scrambled or baked (mmmm, baked eggs on toast...), but yeah, white sticking to shells is annoying. I think the ice-bath trick is what my mom does, actually.

I pretty much worked under the assumption that Zarq is at most average height for that very reason. Vanora, meanwhile, is about 5'9" (175cm) and might not even be done growing yet. (Vanora's thinness is due to metabolism rather than malnutrition; she was thin before shit went south for her.)

theepistler
October 29 2017, 20:28:58
I only like hard boiled eggs on sandwiches or buns with mayonnaise, or in a Caesar salad. Otherwise it's fried with bacon or nothing.

Vanora's thinness is due to metabolism rather than malnutrition; she was thin before shit went south for her

Hah, I have a friend who's like that. She eats all sorts of garbage and never exercises, but she's thin as a rail and gets the shakes if she doesn't eat. I on the other hand exercise every day, avoid junk food and don't overeat, and yet I swell up like a balloon unless I eat nothing but salads and pump iron every morning. Anyone who says fat people are just lazy can go to hell!

snarkbotanya
October 30 2017, 03:22:19
Mmmm, bacon... I could definitely go for some bacon...

Anyone who says fat people are just lazy can go to hell!

Agreed.


theepistler
October 30 2017, 09:51:25
Mmmm, bacon... *drools*


hergrim
October 29 2017, 06:56:04
The paras all wore the nationally recognised uniform of a soldier: boiled leather skirt and plastron, faces corded with sinister cicatrices dyed blue, hair in double topknots that protruded from each forehead like the blunt horns of a young jungle buck.

A boiled leather skirt would be hella uncomfortable. The whole point of the boiling/stuffing process is to make it hard and very stiff, so unless it's segmented, the soldiers are walking around with a leather cone hanging from their hips that prevents them from sitting or relieving themselves and which is either really wide or restricts their movement.

Also, I have no idea whether Cross is using "plastron" as a synonym for "breastplate" or as a synonym for "surcoat". Breastplate would be the more likely choice, buf surcoat is still a possibility and Cross does like her obscure terminology.

The kids are petrified, and Zarq gets rid of the two I didn’t bother to name by physically assulting them. I’m not kidding; she “hits” and “smacks” them to make them let go while yelling about how she’ll come back for them. The kids get the point and run off,

Zarq is such a good mother. I mean, who else but a loving, caring mother would beat up two frightened children and scream at them that it's all going to be okay?

but Zarq refuses to put Savga down and finally declares that she’s bringing her along or else. Whereupon the guy and his soldier offsider kick the crap out of her.

Wait, no they don’t. Instead they just go along with it after the dragonmaster speaks up and tells them to stop wasting time. Whatever.

You know, it wastes far less time to just carry out your threat and/or physically tear the child out of her arms than to put up with Zarq's antics. In fact, by the rules of the world established so far, that's almost certainly what would have happened to any other woman. It's only through her Protagonist Powers that Zarq "wins" this little spat.


theepistler
October 29 2017, 14:10:09
A boiled leather skirt would be hella uncomfortable. The whole point of the boiling/stuffing process is to make it hard and very stiff, so unless it's segmented, the soldiers are walking around with a leather cone hanging from their hips that prevents them from sitting or relieving themselves and which is either really wide or restricts their movement.

So basically they're walking around with the Cone of Shame stuck to their butts? Awesome.

Zarq is such a good mother. I mean, who else but a loving, caring mother would beat up two frightened children and scream at them that it's all going to be okay?

Yep, that's exactly the right way to deal with frightened and traumatised children - hit and scream at them and make it even worse!

You know, it wastes far less time to just carry out your threat and/or physically tear the child out of her arms than to put up with Zarq's antics. In fact, by the rules of the world established so far, that's almost certainly what would have happened to any other woman. It's only through her Protagonist Powers that Zarq "wins" this little spat.

Exactly. And it's an utterly pointless argument to begin with since taking Savga with her changes absolutely nothing in either the long or the short run. All it really accomplishes is making Zarq look obnoxiously pig-headed. Again.


hergrim
October 29 2017, 19:07:00
R E P L Y
So basically they're walking around with the Cone of Shame stuck to their butts? Awesome.

Based on the description, absolutely.

theepistler
October 29 2017, 19:10:34


cmdrnemo
October 29 2017, 13:55:06
Forgive me here. I'm wandering off on my own path. Probably dangerous to follow. Just trying to place this on the standard chart of fantasy story structure. You have a new person introduced to the setting. This gives an excuse to explain the rules without an unending string of "as you know bob." The antag acts. The protag reacts. This starts a chain reaction of action, reaction, escalation. Accelerating both sets of plans in what we were all taught to call rising action in high school. Culmination in a climax, then falling action. But, in this story Zarq refuses to react. So instead of having a rising action or letting the antag simply steamroll into victory. The story keeps restarting. Exposition not followed by rising action but followed by a new period of exposition. Lather, rinse, repeat, indefinitely.


theepistler
October 29 2017, 14:27:40
This, this, this, absolutely this! The story is basically just the first and second acts of a normal story repeated over and over again with no climax and no build-up toward a climax either. And it's all because Zarq refuses to take an active role as the protagonist. She keeps getting to the "Call to Adventure" point of the Hero's Journey, then progressing to "Refusing the Call", and she never gets any further than that. Instead she just hangs around until another Call to Adventure shows up, and ignores that too. On the one or two occasions that she actually does decide to take action, it just ends in a huge fiasco which accomplishes nothing and sends everything back to Square One. It's incredibly bad plotting, and it's the main reason why the trilogy becomes so utterly boring and repetitive.

Another problem I have with it is the lack of recurring characters. About 99% of all the characters in the trilogy disappear never to be seen again, and well before they get any sort of development. Hence my snide comments in the last book about pausing to mourn for "character X, about whom we knew absolutely nothing". And of the few characters we do get to know, none of them are sympathetic other than maybe Gen. Everyone else, most notably Zarq, is either a nonentity or a huge asshole.


torylltales
October 29 2017, 16:38:42
Well, excuse me for wanting to brighten your day with the pure poetry that is George Lucas trying to be romantic.

At least I didn't send you the clip.

Watch on YouTube

theepistler
October 29 2017, 16:45:13 Edited: October 29 2017, 16:45:36
*sprints for the bathroom*

I'm really not kidding, gang. When he sent me that awful dialogue I literally got up and RAN for the toilet. Talk about incredibly appropriate timing. Ugh, now the bathroom stinks of stomach acid.

Anonymous
October 29 2017, 20:53:19
Ugh.
After the third "No, it's becasue I'm so in love with you." I was starting to wonder, if You-Tube gat stuck on the line the way LPs sometimes used to do.

Anon - 4.
.


theepistler
October 29 2017, 21:15:33
Man, I'm an asexual with zero interest in romance and even I think this dialogue is puke-worthy. I could write a better romantic scene than this while running a temperature with one arm behind my back. In fact, watch me. *coughs up lung*

Ember stared out over the bay, where the lights of the habour glittered on the waves. 'I feel like an idiot,' she said. 'But I can't keep on lying about how I feel.'
Jason gently took her hand in his. 'You should never lie about how you feel,' he said. 'I've made that mistake before, and it's always made me miserable as hell.'
She dared to glance up at him, into his eyes, and saw the love and concern there. 'I'm in love with you, Jason,' she said, and the confession made her feel terrified and warm and excited all at once. 'I want to be with you, and I don't care what it costs. I'll sacrifice anything.'
'Really?' he asked softly.
'Really,' she dared to reply.
Jason smiled. 'Ember, I've been waiting forever to hear you say that.'
'You have?'
'Yeah, I have. I just didn't have the guts to ask.'
'I didn't say anything because I just don't know how we're going to make this work,' said Ember. 'You're leaving, and I have this new job... I didn't want to complicate things.'
'We can make it work,' said Jason. He kissed her, and his lips were warm and soft. 'I know we can.'