Enchanter Sporking: Part Thirty-Three

[pangolin20]

theepistler wrote in antishurtugal, 2018-07-07 11:17:00

LOCATION: The Maldives
MOOD: cranky

Enchanter Sporking: Part Thirty-Three

I know it's rather soon, but... I really just want to get this over with. It's time for the worst, most vile scene in this entire book, possibly the entire trilogy, and Exhibit Z (we've already covered A through Y) as to why Axis is one of the most evil villains being passed off as a hero in the entire history of fiction. Brace yourselves.

In the next chapter – to the surprise of absolutely no-one – Axis proves what a horrible, horrible person he is. Not only did he instantly believe Azhure was WolfStar, but he’s now got her tied up in a fucking torture chamber and is on the point of killing her.

(Yes, really).

But not before having beaten the shit out of her, as she’s “barely conscious”, bleeding and “heavily bruised”. Belial, once again the only guy with any fucking decency in this entire trilogy, is horrified and intervenes to stop Axis from finishing her off.Oh, you think I'm exaggerating? See for yourselves.

Also, what the hell is the word "contusions" doing in a fantasy novel?

The best part? Not only did Axis just beat Azhure half to death, not only is he prepared to kill her – all with “cold eyes” and snarling… but he hasn’t even proven that she’s WolfStar.

...yes, this is happening. Try taking a few deep breaths.

Because as usual, evidence and due process and all that don’t count for shit as far as he’s concerned. Oh, and StarDrifter is present and is also completely fine with this state of affairs, as when Belial demands proof he just says “Best to kill her now”. Belial actually has to threaten to stage a VIOLENT UPRISING against Axis before the bastard concedes and starts messing around with his ring. (No, not that ring. Pervs).

StarDrifter watches and scowls, and Axis uses a song which he says will “unlock the traitor’s mind”. We get a completely unnecessary infodump about how the magic song in question is a combination of “fire and air music” and StarDrifter’s never heard it before.

And then Axis mind rapes Azhure (apparently just raping her body wasn’t enough). I know I keep saying this, but I’m really not kidding. Behold:

Finally Axis shows “satisfaction” as he says he’s found a mental block in her head hiding “the true Azhure”. StarDrifter says again that he should just kill her, but Axis is like “nah, Belial wants proof”, so he grabs her by the hair and rips the mental block out, and it’s all just as unpleasant as it sounds, if not more so.

Remember when Borneheld and Gorgrael behaved remotely like this? Me neither.

...I still don't understand how an author could in all seriousness come up with a scene like this and give it to the HERO. Gorgrael is supposed to be the villain, but the guy is a cackling, utterly unthreatening caricature of cliched "evil for the sake of evil". This is true, vindictive, calculated vileness, of the sort a cardboard cutout like Gorgrael couldn't possibly manage, because the author never bothered to give him any motivations or let him do anything that doesn't just serve the plot.

Getting back to this complete nightmare of a scene, to nobody’s surprise Axis sees something horrifying… and then the pair of them disappear.

Axis ends up going on an acid trip through Azhure’s “power”, and then gets to see visions from her past.

Expect melodrama.

We see Azhure aged five, as Hagen, her not-really-her-dad dad, holds her mother’s head over the fireplace and screams at her about how Azhure isn’t his kid (surprise!). Axis, watching, of fucking course takes the opportunity to note how “very beautiful” the woman about to be murdered looks. Stay classy, Axis.

Mummy yells to Azhure that Hagen isn’t her dad, and Hagen yells DUH – he’s known that “ever since I saw those feathers sticking out of the girl’s back this afternoon, the feathers that you have been binding for weeks now, trying to hide them from me”.

And then Mummy is like “dear, why are you telling me a bunch of shit I already know? I was there!”

Well okay, maybe not. But she really should have. This is a textbook example of “As You Know, Bob”ing. Also, that’s not how feathers work.

How new feathers in a young winged creature actually work. Azhure should have been sprouting gangly plucked chicken wings, NOT feathers. Oh wait, that wouldn't look suitably "beautiful" or melodramatic. Silly me.

Anyway, so Hagen shoves her head into the fire, and while bursting into flames she’s somehow able to do an awful lot of talking, yelling at Azhure that she’s “a child of the gods” and should go to some place called “Temple Mount” for answers.
…I have a very definite feeling that’s another lift from the bible, but I’m too lazy to check.

Despite having her entire head engulfed in flames, she keeps on with the melodramatic dialogue, telling Azhure to “live” and so on. Literally the only difference between this and regular dialogue is that there’s the odd token “ah!” and a few ellipses thrown in. I dunno, “ah” sounds a bit too relaxed to me. What about a good old-fashioned “argh”, or maybe an “aiiee!”? Also, shouldn't she be choking on the smoke and such?

Axis and Azhure, now referred to as “the Azhure/Axis mind”, and that’s not clunky at all, watch the poor woman burn to death.

Somehow she manages to become a charred corpse without setting anything else in the room on fire. Or doing any harm to Hagen, who isn’t noted to be wearing any protective gear. I’m pretty sure that’s not particularly, y’know, possible.

Except in the Elder Scrolls games, where it happens surprisingly often.

Anyway, so then Hagen turns to “the little girl” (just to make us feel extra sorry for Kid Azhure). He rips her dress off (...aarrrgh…) and then performs some home surgery on her back, as he grabs “the slowly developing nubs of wings” and rips them out along with “every remaining vestige of wing and flight muscle and feather”.

Um.

How the fuck can he tell the difference between wing muscles and, y’know, ordinary muscles? Is this guy a fucking surgeon now? Does he have books about Icarii/human anatomy lying around the house?

Oh, and Axis is experiencing all the pain by proxy, but there’s no particular emotional reaction. Because Axis is a fucking evil psychopath.

The torture porn continues as Hagen apparently spends the next six weeks regularly slicing Azhure’s back open and ripping out the “wing nubs” which keep trying to regrow. Oh and also the bandages are “pus-encrusted”, just to hammer it in.

Um.

I’m not buying it.

I can’t.

There is no way in hell a FIVE YEAR OLD KID would survive this. Even in modern day! Are shock and blood loss not a thing in this world? And there’s pus. You know what pus means? INFECTION. IN A WORLD WITH NO FUCKING ANTIBIOTICS.

THIS KID SHOULD BE DEAD.

Another question which occurs is of course… why the hell doesn’t Hagen just, y’know, kill her? If she’s half Forbidden?

Oh well, that gets handwaved because he’s Just That Evil. No really – Kid Azhure asks why he’s letting her live (while regularly inflicting wounds which should have killed her weeks ago) and he says he just likes seeing her suffer.
This has to be some of the laziest characterisation I’ve ever seen. And he's still completely failing to out-evil Axis, which is saying a lot.

Anyway, this leads to Axis “whispering” that he “understand[s]”. Yeah, I’m sure you do. We then get a dictated explanation that Kid Azhure then proceeded to go “mad” and lock away her memories and also her powers, and concentrate on being “normal”.

Isn’t this what happened with Jean Grey? Except really stupid?

After that lovely raping of the laws of basic human biology and psychology, Axis ends up in a “dark, dark place” and doesn’t know how to get out.

It’s the inside of his own ass, where his head is usually very firmly lodged.

Axis crawls around in the dark, asking to be forgiven and getting no response. Finally Azhure whispers back that she needs forgiveness. For… uh, forgetting her mother’s name. As usual Axis makes it all about himself and his needs, as he says he’s “lost” and “frightened” and “lonely without you”. Oh fuck you with a rusty iron cactus.

And then – ARGH – Azhure falls into his manly embrace because she needs “forgiveness and release” and blah blah blah. And I’m sure Axis is the perfect person to provide that, too.

Thank all that’s holy we cut back to Belial and StarDrifter, who have no idea what the hell is going on until Axis and Azhure “snap!” (no really, that’s the word the author uses, exclamation mark and all) back into the real world. Azhure is unconscious and “seem[s] almost lifeless”, as she’s missing half the skin and flesh on her back and is bleeding all over the place.

Somehow it seems to me that all this might have been avoided.

Before we move on to the next part of the, uh, “story”, I’d like to talk a bit more about what just happened.

Believe it or not, the preceding scene is described on TVTropes as a “rash action” on the part of Axis.

I beg to differ.

I could flip over into Frothing Rage Mode, but you know what? I’m just plain tired now, and anyway I think the rage is probably getting a bit tedious to the rest of you since it’s been nothing but for a while now.

Instead I’m just going to point out that Axis is now not only a guy who has absolutely no regard for law or justice and thinks murder is a suitable option for dealing with people he personally dislikes, but he’s also completely prepared to beat and torture his pregnant girlfriend.

Will this end the relationship?

Nope.

Will he lose any friends?

Nope.

Will he stop being portrayed as a hero by the author?

Nope nope and nope.

Because you see, Axis totally FEELS BAD about it, so therefore he’s automatically excused. And never mind about, y’know, Azhure. Or the fact that he almost BEAT A PREGNANT WOMAN TO DEATH, then subjected her to mental torture the likes of which no amount of "trigger warnings" could possibly defend. Nope, that doesn’t count any more. Move along, let it go, no big deal. In fact if I’m not mistaken, after this it’ll barely even be mentioned again.

This leads me to conclude that in the author’s mind, beating up your girlfriend isn’t really that big of a deal, and nor is assaulting pregnant women. As long as you apologise afterwards, it’s totally okay! And there’s no way she’ll, y’know, leave you or anything silly like that. (Or heaven forfend, inconvenience you by calling the police).

When I spork I generally try not to bring the author into it too much, but in this case I really feel I must call Ms Douglass out for being astoundingly irresponsible. This has to be one of the most toxic, damaging messages I've ever seen pushed in a work of fiction, and were the author alive today I would be seriously contemplating publicly calling her out (under my own name, I mean).

Something else I’d like to note here is that during the battle against Borneheld’s army, it was repeatedly noted that if Azhure had had to keep fighting any longer she might have had a miscarriage, and it was a close thing.

…but getting beaten unconscious, mind-raped and then losing half the flesh off her back and bleeding like a stuck pig doesn’t cause a miscarriage, or indeed any complications whatsoever. Nope, the twins are going to be just fine.

Yeeeaaah, I’m really not buying it. You fail biology forever, Douglass. You know, again.

* * *

Anyway, so the next chapter, imaginatively called “Azhure (2)” as a follow on from the last one which was “Azhure (1)”, opens with the only character left I don’t hate.

Namely, Faraday. She’s heard rumours that Axis has gone and done something awful (you know, again). She eventually finds a bunch of his friends, dramatically standing around outside the room where Azhure is being dramatic with Axis. Griff is there, and he’s pissed. So is Demi Moore, and he’s also pissed. And your sporker is here, and she’s massively pissed.

Naturally everyone demands an explanation, and Griff says he hopes StarDrifter and Axis suffer a horrible death for what they’ve done. Okay, so it’s not just Faraday who’s likeable in this book. Griff is still cool. StarDrifter tries to explain the whole thing away in the most self-serving manner possible, but no-one’s really buying it. And thank goodness for that.

Faraday, being one of the only genuinely proactive characters in this thing, goes into the room where Azhure and Axis are, and we’re informed that the last person who tried that was violently kicked out by our loveable hero.

However Faraday gets in just fine, because Faraday is awesome. She finds Azhure basically catatonic and Axis being a whiny prick. Faraday, rather than sit around beating her breast and wailing, sends Axis away with Caelum and tells him to tell the kid the truth… or else.

Then she turns her attention to Azhure and treats her with genuine sympathy, asking her what happened without passing judgement. See, this is how Azhure should behave if we’re supposed to buy it that she’s full of “compassion and love”, and "compassionate" Axis likewise. But nope. This is literally the first time we’ve seen genuine compassion and kindness, and it’s coming from Faraday, not Azhure. Toward the woman who stole her man, no less. There is no way in hell Azhure would ever behave like this. Because Azhure is a selfish bitch.

Anyway, Faraday plays the therapist and does it very well, and sympathetically draws Azhure’s story out of her. Azhure recaps the thing with Hagen, which is completely unnecessary since we just fucking saw it two pages ago.

Naturally, Azhure being Azhure, she tells it with as much self-pity as is humanly possible and Faraday gets angry and wonders how Azhure survived all that without losing her marbles. Probably because she’s a Sue, but let it pass.

Anyway, we also learn that Hagen used to beat the snot out of Azhure any time she used her magical powers which we all knew she had from the word go. Faraday tells her she should go to this Temple Mount thingy to find out who she really is. In other words the same heroic quest we’ve seen in basically every fantasy novel ever written. No need, Azhure, I already know who you are. It begins with "Mary" and ends with "Sue".

Then she tells Azhure about the Mother, just to keep her calm – which works – and while she does this she starts working on Azhure’s injuries. The wounds heal up, but Faraday says she can’t bring the wings back. Not that Azhure cares, as you would expect.

Then Faraday keeps stroking Azhure “from shoulders to buttocks”, and now I really wish these two would get together and dump Axis’ abusive ass for good. Faraday has shown more kindness and understanding toward Azhure in this one scene than Axis has in the entire book. Not to mention that their interaction here is way more erotic. As in it has some eroticism, period. Albeit eroticism that was almost certainly unintentional.

Oh, and Faraday removes the scars as well, because why not. Can’t let Queen Sue have a physical flaw, after all.

(Personally, if anyone removed my scars, of which I have a few, I’d be pissed).

Faraday then lets Azhure off the hook for being Axis’ girlfriend, which is fair enough. I actually kind of like this scene. After that Faraday unfortunately lets Axis off the hook as well, saying he’s “quick to action” which is great except it’s combined with a “temper” and a “streak of cruelty he sometimes displays.”

Sometimes?

Also, I absolutely must point out that the entire focus of this scene is on how Azhure is a Sad Panda. Not on the vile thing Axis just did, which is barely brought up. Which once again very heavily implies that it’s no big deal.

The two of them then declare that they’re friends now, and Faraday continues to be a total sweetheart, albeit way too forgiving to Axis, as she says it’s just too bad they both “love” him and he “cannot choose between us”. How about the pair of you get the fuck out of there rather than allowing him to screw around with either of you any more than he already has?

Either way Faraday is leaving because she has things to do which aren’t connected to being Axis’ fucktoy. And now I’m full-on cheering for the woman.

She then quite calmly tells Azhure she’s an Enchanter (no fucking shit), and when Azhure has a classic Sue “wah wah I don’t wanna be awesome” reaction Faraday points out that – again, no fucking shit – Azhure won’t up and die on Axis because she gets the super extended lifespan (how does she know that?). This immediately cheers Azhure right up, and Faraday asks her to “love Axis for me” and “raise his children for me”, adding “all of them” in an odd voice. Because no duh, Faraday is pregnant and wants Azhure to raise the kid.

(Spoilers: She won't. Azhure and Axis the perfect Sue couple basically ignore their kids from this point onward).

After some more talk about how the two of them Are Friends Now, Faraday leaves Azhure to sleep and turns her attention to Axis. She continues to be a sweetheart, and also acts with considerable maturity as she tells Axis it’s too late to fix their relationship, and she’s leaving so as not to complicate things. She then retracts her vow to marry him, saying he has to marry Azhure for her sake because Azhure is “a jewel you can ill-afford to lose”.

Because I’m sure Azhure will be more than happy to marry the guy who beat and tortured her. I’m on your side, Faraday, but you’re being awfully dismissive about the shit Axis just pulled.

See? I told you everyone would just shrug the whole thing off as just a silly misunderstanding.

Then Faraday leaves. In the next room she finds everyone waiting, including Rivkah, who she asks to speak to alone. Now Faraday finally shows some vulnerability – being the only mature adult in this damn book other than Belial, she’s been holding herself back for the sake of others. Because she actually has some goddamn self control and social grace.

My gods, this book actually has some real characterisation in it. Did a more talented author take over the writing duties for a while?

Rivkah comforts Faraday, who says she’s going to go and talk with the Sentinels, and then leave.

Then the most awesome part of the book happens (other than MorningStar getting her head crushed like a grapefruit, which is still pretty fucking sweet).

Faraday notes that she saw Rivkah and Margarita holding hands and asks if they’re an item. Rivkah says yes, so Faraday kisses her on the mouth… in order to pass on some of her magic. This makes Rivkah feel strong and vigorous again, and Faraday says this is a gift from the Mother and she must “use it well”.

Then Faraday leaves, and the narrator notes that she leaves behind “a farewell gift” which will cause Axis a lot of pain and suffering in the future, and it’s her little revenge on the man who betrayed her.

What gift is that, you might be wondering?

Oh, nothing much. She just gave Rivkah her fertility back is all. Is that Borneheld 2.0 in the making I spy?

…mwahahahahah….

I love you so much, Faraday.

16 comments

[1]

Anonymous

July 7 2018, 12:23:30

Borneheld is killed in such a brutal, over-the-top manner that his death would fit perfectly in Mortal Kombat all because some bird man dies, while Axis, who beats a pregnant woman among other horrible things, is hailed as a hero. I think Douglass forgot what the word hero meant when she wrote Enchanter.

[1A]

theepistler

July 7 2018, 19:50:52

I know, right? Talk about double fucking standards.

[2]

cmdrnemo

July 7 2018, 13:18:29

Well, that was evil.

You are right. Axis fits right on the edge. That boundary between over the top villainous evil. The sort that makes no sense outside of fiction so you can't really relate to it, and the worst acts of real people. He's transitioned from being a complete dick to being a complete monster. If Azhure wasn't a badly written character in a 'D' grade book, I'd expect her to have panic attacks at the idea of being in a room with him.

[2A]

theepistler

July 7 2018, 20:05:45 Edited: July 7 2018, 20:08:06

Interesting fact: readers of the Harry Potter series found Umbridge WAY more hateful than Voldemort, even though the latter is a literal genocidal maniac. Why? Because pretty much no-one has met a Voldemort, but EVERYONE has met an Umbridge. She's the backstabbing co-worker, the smug low-level government employee who clearly enjoys telling you your unemployment is being cut off, the vindictive teacher you had in highschool. She's the kind of evil you can relate to on a personal level.

Apply this to Axis/Gorgrael. You can't hate Gorgrael because he isn't real. His goals and motivations aren't based on reality, and the borderline "evil" stuff he does is just cartoonish, fictional evil. But Axis? The evil shit HE does is very much based in reality. We can all easily imagine (or worse, have encountered) a guy who rapes and abuses his girlfriend. We've all encountered guys who lie and cheat and break their promises. And we've definitely all encountered insufferably arrogant, bullying assholes who strut around like they own the place and take the credit for other people's hard work. So you can all too easily see in Axis people you've actually met... and hated.

TL;DR: It's not just that he does vile, evil things. It's that he does evil things that are far too uncomfortably grounded in real, everyday evil. Which is precisely why he's as hateful as he is. Just why the fuck we're supposed to see him as any sort of hero is beyond me.

[2A1]

cmdrnemo

July 8 2018, 11:43:03

I thought about those two. The fan comparisons and reactions to them. It's quite fair. Umbridge is much easier to hate than Voldemort. Like Umbridge, Axis just isn't very interesting. He would work very well as a secondary villain only appearing sparingly. Shame he had to take center stage as a 'hero.' It doesn't suit him. Maybe as a big bad. In a murder mystery or bildungsroman maybe? Something where the hero has to deal with him just frequently enough to learn how scary he is. But, can't get away or kill him. So there's that constant fear of running into him alone in the dark. He's an oddity there. In that it doesn't matter whether the hero is male or female. Axis is equally threatening either way. A lot of the time with monsters like him gender matters. Axis would make an amazing high school bully type character. Someone who is absolutely convinced of the justice of his horrible actions. Great bad guy material. Handsome Jack quality stuff there.

[2A1A]

theepistler

July 8 2018, 11:54:41

Yeah, you could easily recast Axis as a villain, and he'd still be bland and boring. If I were writing this I'd swap him out for Borneheld and have him play the secondary villain role. Borneheld could then be the hero instead, or the hero could be someone else entirely.

[2A1A1]

Anonymous

July 8 2018, 16:07:08

Someone needs to make a fix-it/spite fic where Borneheld is the hero and Axis is the villain.

[2A1A1A]

theepistler

July 8 2018, 16:26:24

I'd ask Snarkbotanya, but I think she's busy at the moment. :-p

[2A1A1B]

cmdrnemo
July 9 2018, 14:53:17

Thinking. Axis is heavily involved with the Icari enchanters. People who are supposed to be borderline demons. A culture that has an annual rape fest, a tradition of murdering the babies that result from that rape fest, incest, and severe anger issues.

More directly. Gorgrael is Axis' half brother. Axis and his army have fought Gorgrael's forces. With minimal casualties and very easy victories. This has not been Axis primary aim. He declared civil war demanding kingship the moment he got his army of demons. The conditions for peace were non negotiable on pain of death. He murders anyone and everyone who puts up even token resistance. He has proven he cannot be trusted.

Objectively: Axis is working with Gorgrael. It's a palpatine plot. Invade as a distraction. Put yourself on the throne as the only one who can defend. Set the defenses up to fail, or succeed, it doesn't matter.

Given that. And the incredible ease everyone is having abandoning lifelong beliefs.

Should we start with the assumption that Borneheld is the only one not susceptible to the mind influencing magic? At least the only one in power. Then have him work to get enough power to stop Axis' plan. The ending is failure and mortal kombat fatality style death.

[3]

vorpal_tongue

July 7 2018, 17:47:11

She eventually finds a bunch of his friends, dramatically standing around outside the room where Azhure is being dramatic with Axis. Griff is there, and he’s pissed. So is Demi Moore, and he’s also pissed. And your sporker is here, and she’s massively pissed.

And... I'M here, and I'm pisshed! On whiz... whicksy...

... ALCOHOL!

*Collapses onto the floor to the sound of a smashed bottle*

[3A]

theepistler

July 7 2018, 19:49:47

You too?

[3A1]

vorpal_tongue

July 8 2018, 03:03:07

A'HM BLEEDIN' ALCYHOOL! LIKE ACKSHISH BLEEDS... Shit?

[4]

torylltales

July 7 2018, 23:07:57

I maintain my theory that Douglass was trying to write a scathing parody of hero fiction in which the hero is actually the villain (history is written by the winner, as they say), but nobody got the message and she died before she could reveal it.

[4A]

theepistler

July 7 2018, 23:26:06 Edited: July 7 2018, 23:27:01

Quite frankly it's the only thing that could possibly save the trilogy now - as far as I'm concerned Axis is beyond redemption by this point. (I would love to read a book in which the douchebag hero is ultimately revealed to have been the bad guy all along, but if it's been done I haven't heard of it).

What makes this whole situation even worse, entertainment wise, is that Axis isn't even an interesting character to read about. He's like Eragon: evil and douchey and also about as interesting as a wet paper bag. The reader can forgive a lot in an asshole protagonist if said asshole is at least interesting and has layers and complex motivations and such, but Axis has not even that, and neither does Eragon. (And no, giving them the figleaf of "he plays the harp!" or "he writes poetry and meditates and does yoga!" does not make either of them remotely interesting or "deep").

[5]

Anonymous

July 8 2018, 21:38:37

“Blood stained her nightgown in several places, and Belial could see that one of her legs had been heavily bruised. Mother knows what other contusions that nightgown is hiding, he thought distractedly.”

Umm, is it just me, or does this sound like violent rape? Seriously, in other works this is how authors imply that sort of thing. This is so disgusting. How could anyone justify the things Axis does?

-stuffsayer

[5A]

theepistler

July 8 2018, 21:57:19

Yeeeaaah, that's another lovely layer of (probably) unintentional subtext. Woman is attacked offscreen and is afterwards shown wearing a ripped-up bloodstained nightie with bruises on her legs? Yup, she's been raped. Happens all the damn time in the movies when they don't want to show the actual rape onscreen. Fuck it, for all we know Axis and StarDrifter both had a turn. I wouldn't put it past either of them.

By the way, it occurred to me later on that some people might assume Azhure's injuries were actually a result of the gryphon attack. Nope. When that happened she was specifically stated to have just one injury: a cut on her arm. And she sure as hell wasn't "semiconscious" as a result. There's no maybe about it - Axis did that to her.

For fuck's sake, why was this even necessary? At the very least you could have him have a moment of irrational "I have to kill her!" before snapping out of it, and then have him act like a good and sensible person. In fact, that's how I would have written it. Axis would have panicked and gone "OMG she's WolfStar!", made a move to kill her, then thought better of it when someone told him to stop (or even better, because he loves her and doesn't really want to hurt her even if she IS WolfStar). Then he would ask Azhure how the hell she did that, Azhure would tell him she doesn't know, and then he would use the memory unlocker spell with her consent so they can both figure out the truth.

But that's how an actual hero would behave, and we can't have that.

Original comments:

epistler
Thursday, 14 December 2023 11:26 (local)
By the way, something I now realise I didn't note when I originally wrote this spork is that Axis never even apologises to Azhure.