Brisingr Spork Chapter 34: Glumra

[pangolin20]

theepistler wrote in antishurtugal, 2017-10-05 16:51:00

MOOD: productive

Brisingr Spork Chapter 34: Glumra

This chapter was originally assigned to vehkandvehk, but s/he has apparently vanished into the ether and hasn’t answered any of my PMs, so I’ve ganked the chapter for myself, greedy bastard that I am.

The chapter opens with some semi-decent description of some settlement or other underneath Tronglebongle. For once I can actually picture the scene quite well, which is actually kind of annoying because none of this will ever be either relevant or important. Cut to Eragon sitting inside a dwarf “hut” opposite a dwarf woman named Glumra (I refuse to insert the useless symbol thingy). She’s apparently “of the Family of Mord-Sith”, which is just dropped in there apropos of bugger all. Paolini blandly informs us that she’s the mother of the irrelevant dwarf bodyguard who ate it in the last Eragon chapter, and then goes on to describe how she’s wailing and tearing her hair and… hitting herself in the boobs? Well okay, it says “breast”, but I’m still picturing boobpunching (for the record, getting hit in the tits really hurts). As usual the focus is on how this looks, rather than the emotion itself. Eragon, predictably, has no reaction and instead feeds us some exposition about how he got a new bodyguard (named despite being utterly unimportant) and how Orik told him to come see him ASAP, then called a temporary halt to the election while he deals with the “emergency”. Afterwards Orik apparently gathered a bunch of his “stoutest” warriors plus some spellcasters, and went to examine the Scene of the Crime. They apparently looked for clues (such as…?), and Orik then declared that they have to find out who ordered the attack before the next meeting or there will be a clan war.

Right, whatever. Does Paolini seriously think anybody cares about this crap? Besides which the culprit is already screamingly obvious. The assassins were literally wearing the emblem of the clan that hates Eragon and has sworn a blood fued or whatever against him. You don’t exactly have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure that one out. Hell, I think Chief Wiggum could probably handle it.

And no, nobody’s buying that there will be any sort of surprise plot twist involved. Paolini doesn’t do that sort of thing. With him the obvious answer is always the correct one (see: the Vault of Souls, the green Rider, etc.).

Eragon then apparently hung around doing nothing (wow, that is so unlike him) before losing his patience (wow, that is also so unlike him) and asks if he can go and break the news about the dead dwarf guard nobody gives a fuck about. Orik exposits that the guy’s family were “deep dwellers” who live very far underground and almost never come out, and apparently they’re eccentric and stuff.
All of which we totally needed to know, I’m sure.

After at least a page of this entirely useless flashback, we cut back to Eragon watching Glumra carry on like a professional mourner, “howling” and singing random scraps of dwarf song in “a haunting dissonant key”.

Does anybody seriously react like this? It’s so ridiculously melodramatic and over the top. When someone broke the news to me that a loved one had died suddenly, my reaction was to yell “WHAT?” and then start crying while asking for details about what had happened. After that I more or less just shut down and carried about the rest of the day on autopilot. I’m fairly sure my reaction was pretty standard.

Eragon, predictably, does absolutely nothing to try and offer any comfort. Instead he reacts with discomfort and looks away in order to give us a boring description of the house. That’s our Eragon – the guy who’s so disconnected from other people that he finds their emotions uncomfortable and would rather not have to deal with them. Witness too his reaction in the next book when the Elf Queen is sad to hear about Wyrden and Eragon’s only response is vague surprise. If you told me this kid was actually an alien I’d believe it.

As if the wailing and screaming and gnashing of teeth wasn’t enough, Glumra then gets up and cuts the tip off her little finger. She’s apparently able to do this in one go, using a carving knife.

Uh-huh. Not buying it.

Even this little moment of insanity isn’t enough to get an emotional reaction out of Eragon. He jumps up in surprise and almost asks if he should heal the wound, but then remembers what Orik told him about the deep dweller’s weird customs and realises it might be taken as an insult, so he sits down and shuts up. His thought process is described in an utterly clinical fashion, as if he’s not actually there but watching it on video or some such. There’s no emotion from him whatsoever. Was this thing written by a damn robot?

Glumra then suddenly calms down, and formally thanks Eragon for bringing her the news. Eragon continues to show off his ridiculously stiff and overwritten new manner of speaking, mouthing such rubbish as “he was most brave” and “if not for his actions, I doubt I would be here now”. Because he couldn’t have just said something like “he saved my life”. That would make him sound too much like a person, and we can’t have that.

Glumra asks who killed him, then asks if it was the Az Sweldn, Etc. Etc. clan. Eragon, colossal moron that he is, is surprised and thinks this is very “astute” of her.

No, Eragon. She’s merely stating the blitheringly obvious. It’s not her fault you have the IQ of a barbequed lamb chop.
Glumra adds that if it was them they made a big mistake and have “misjudged the lay of the rock and doomed themselves because of it”.

You can totally tell she’s a dwarf because she uses rocks to describe everything. *sigh*

Cue more overwriting: Eragon raised an eyebrow, interested. “Doomed? How?”

I think we can safely say that painful over-description of this sort is half the reason why this book is so frickin’ long.

Glumra goes on about how Eragon killed Durza and saved dwarftown from “the clutches of Galbatorix”. Wait, what? Galbatorix attacked the place because he wanted to wipe out the Varden! What the hell did the dwarves have to do with it? But you know, Eragon is just so heroic and wonderful (I guess she doesn’t know that he and Murtagh led the damn Urgals to Tronglebongle in the first place). She asks if it’s true that Saphira has promised to fix the stupid giant sapphire no-one cares about, and when Eragon says yes she praises him for that too.

…Even though it was Saphira and Arya who broke the damn thing. Apparently all you have to do to be named a champion of the proud dwarven race is clean up your own messes. Poorly. These guys must hand out medals if you remember to empty the laundry basket in a timely manner.

Eragon tells her that he’ll punish whoever sent the assassins (spoiler: He doesn’t). But he adds that they have to be careful not to do anything rash in case it sparks off a “clan war”. For some damn reason he asks her what she thinks about that, as if he could possibly care less about her opinion (as far as Eragon is concerned, only one opinion counts, and that’s his). Glumra says she’ll think about it, then starts moaning about “mine beautiful son”. (Did I mention I hate the “unique dwarf dialogue”? Because I do. It doesn’t make them sound dwarfy or different – it just makes them sound stilted and silly).

She gets up from the table and Eragon thinks she might be about to hurt herself again and makes a grab for her before changing his mind. Again, no emotion. It’s just blandly stated that he does this.

However Glumra actually heads over to an “alcove” covered by “a curtain of red silk” (where do the dwarves get silk from? Actually, where does anyone get silk? Are there silkworms in Anglegrinder? Who breeds them? Who weaves the silk?). Behind the curtain is a shelf carved with “fantastic[ally] detail[ed]” runes. Eragon thinks he could study them for “hours” and still not “grasp them in their entirety”. Just how mentally stunted is this kid? I’m beginning to suspect Mummy might have drank while she was pregnant. That or someone dropped him on his head a few times.

Anyway, so one of the shelves holds carvings of the six major dwarf gods and nine other “entities” Eragon doesn’t recognise. It says they’re carved with “exaggerated features and poses”, but no further description is provided. Glumra pulls out an amulet from her “bodice” (because all women wear bodices in Algaelab. It’s like a freakin’ RenFaire in here), then starts singing what I guess must be some sort of hymn. Apparently this brings tears to Eragon’s eyes.

Yeah, I’m really feeling it now. And by “it” I mean boredom.

Ridiculously, the moment Glumra has finished singing she’s completely over it, going from angry, distressed and hopeless to “calm acceptance, peacefulness and [snip] sublime transcendence”. Hell, her face is practically glowing and Eragon barely recognises her! She blissfully declares that her son will “dine in Morgothal’s hall”, adding that she would like to join him but suicides aren’t allowed in so she’ll just have to wait.

Eragon, moronic as always, asks how she knows that. Wow, that’s real sensitive of you there, pal. Glumra gives the standard answer about how the world couldn’t have made itself, therefore gods. Eragon is half convinced and wishes he could “toss aside his doubts and fears” and truly believe that “life was not mere confusion” (??) and that one day he could be reunited with Brom and Garrow and “everyone else he had cared for and lost” (…such as?). He “desperate[ly]” yearns for “hope and comfort”, but he just can’t bring himself to actually Believe. He internally monologues about how he doesn’t want to “bind his identity” and “sense of well-being to something he did not understand”. He also thinks about how he can’t be sure if the dwarf gods are the only ones, and has a bunch of incredibly clichéd thoughts about how no-one can be sure which religion is the true religion, and maybe they all hold a grain of truth, or maybe the elves are right and there are no gods, blah blah blah.

I have a sneaking suspicion Paolini really thought he was being profound and insightful with this bit, but it’s nothing that hasn’t been expressed a million times before, and in far more interesting and eloquent ways.

And Eragon, the whole point of religion is that you can’t “know for sure”. It’s called faith. Having faith means accepting something as true even though you can’t prove it. You believe because it feels right to you. Also, he’s frickin’ sixteen and grew up in a village full of superstitious peasants. Why does he think that way to begin with? Doesn’t he have any unprovable superstitious beliefs of his own? Bah, I say. Bah!

Glumra is now 100% fine, because apparently a quick prayer can do that (hahahah… no). She serves Eragon some wine and insists that he and his bodyguards stay for dinner. Eragon accepts purely because he doesn’t want to “upset” her (what a nice guy), and they have a nice little dinner of “bread, meat and pie”. (What kind of meat? What kind of pie? Also, what vow of vegeterianism? Remember that, Eragon? I didn’t think so). They apparently stay up late eating and chatting, and Eragon notices that in fact Glumra is still sad, but hiding it. He concludes that she’s entertaining them to celebrate her son’s memory and also to keep her grief at bay.

REALLY? You actually felt the need to spell that out for us? I think Eragon might be the dumbest protagonist I’ve ever seen in any book I’ve ever read, and that includes Flowers for Algernon.

He then goes on to reflect that he’s never met anyone like her before. Really? ’Cause I’m not seeing anything unique or special about the woman. She’s basically an uber-religious dwarf version of Gertrude (who also has no personality), or Elain (likewise). In fact she’s exactly like every other older woman in the entire series, ie. motherly and spends most of her time giving people pie. Which isn’t ridiculously stereotypical at all.

Eventually the bore- uh, excitement ends when a random dwarf shows up and identifies himself as a messenger from Orik. He also gets a name. In fact his father gets a name too.

It’s Flosi.

Yup, the rumours were true; Paolini included a character named Flossy. Where are Doris and Morris, then?

Anyway, so Professor Farnsworth son of Flossy has come to summon Eragon back since Orik has “important tidings”. Before Eragon leaves Glumra grabs him and reminds him to keep his “oath” not to let the killers go unpunished. Eragon promises that he won’t.

Except he totally will. Not to spoil anything remotely important, but Eragon never does anything to the Az Whatever clan. He just sits there like the useless dingleberry he is while Orik does all the hard work. Naturally this means he will get all the credit, because he’s the Sue and Orik is an NPC who isn’t pretty.

End chapter, and thank gods for that.

40 comments

[1]

torylltales
October 5 2017, 17:37:50 Edited: October 5 2017, 17:38:16
She blissfully declares that her son will “dine in Morgothal’s hall”

You know what, I especially hate this bit.Morgoth was one of the Ainur (basically angels) in Tolkien's worldbuilding.

Another Ainur was named Namo. AKA Mandos, judge of the dead. Guess where the souls of the dead go to be judged? That's right, The Halls of Mandos.

Get your own damned mythology, Paolini.


Also, thanks for using the new tag <3 When I get a spare moment I'll go through the archives and re-tag the rest of the spork so it's all together.

[1A]

theepistler
October 5 2017, 17:46:07
That pissed me off too. I'm not even that familiar with Middle-Earth, but it still jumped right out at me, and NOT in a good way.

I'm also reminded of the bit from The Hobbit where a dying Thorin tells Bilbo "I go now to the Halls of Waiting, to sit beside my fathers until the world is renewed". It was such a beautifully written line, and introduced a piece of important lore so gracefully. Contrast that with Paolini, whose idea of worldbuilding is stuffing huge chunks of boring exposition down our throats, almost always at the worst possible moment.

[1B]

Anonymous
October 6 2017, 04:13:18
And Morgoth is basically Lucifer. HAHAHAHAH!

-TTT

[1B1]

torylltales
October 6 2017, 10:47:18
Fallen angel who tried to make himself equal to god, lead a war in heaven, and was eventually cast into an eternal other-dimensional prison?

Yep, he's basically Lucifer.

[1B1A]

theepistler
October 6 2017, 10:49:08
So these guys are devil worshippers? AWESOME.
Honestly, "Morgothal" sounds like a Daedric lord out of The Elder Scrolls.

[1C]

snarkbotanya
October 6 2017, 06:06:48
Far too many of the names in the IC seem to have been created by swapping, adding, or subtracting letters in a Tolkien name. Morgothal, Vanilor, Eridor, Elessari, Melkolf, Oromis... the plagiarism is strong with this one.

[1C1]

theepistler
October 6 2017, 09:45:29
I know, right? It's so stupid. Did he really think we wouldn't notice?

[1C1A]

torylltales
October 6 2017, 10:29:04
I think he meant it to be a homage or easter egg. Except that he lacks any semblance of subtlety.

[1C1A1]

theepistler
October 6 2017, 10:36:13
Hah, I remember him back in the day saying that some of his names "contained hidden jokes". No, Pao - naming the horse "Kodak" spelled backwards doesn't count as a joke, hidden or otherwise.

[1C1A1A]

torylltales
October 6 2017, 11:36:01
Not too long ago he did a post on his website about all the "hidden jokes" that were blatantly obvious, like Bid'Daum being Maud'dib backwards, and a bunch of other extremely obvious ones.

[1C1A1A1]

theepistler
October 6 2017, 11:47:26
Hah. D'you think it might be worth a sporking?

[1C1A1A1A]

torylltales
October 6 2017, 11:56:07
already done, sorry.

[1C1A1A1A1]

theepistler
October 6 2017, 15:32:56
EPISTLER DEMANDS PROOF!

[1C1A1A1A1A]

torylltales
October 6 2017, 16:11:10
After about 40 minutes of scrolling through the archives, I found it!

https://antishurtugal.livejournal.com/918839.html

I would like to note, by the way, that yours was the first comment.

[1C1A1A1A1A1]

theepistler
October 6 2017, 16:12:24
Hey, you can't expect me to remember everything I've commented on - what am I, the Memory (wo)Man?

And thanks! :D

[1C1A1A1A1A1A]

torylltales
October 6 2017, 16:16:38

Watch on YouTube

[2]

hergrim
October 5 2017, 19:46:55
Orik exposits that the guy’s family were “deep dwellers” who live very far underground and almost never come out, and apparently they’re eccentric and stuff.

I'm fairly sure they're a less xenophobic version of Pratchett's "Deep-Downer" dwarves, who basically shun everything to do with the surface world. I'm surprised Paolini didn't make the Az Sweldn his Deep-Downers, but I suppose that would have been just a little longer obvious even for him.

Does anybody seriously react like this? It’s so ridiculously melodramatic and over the top. When someone broke the news to me that a loved one had died suddenly, my reaction was to yell “WHAT?” and then start crying while asking for details about what had happened. After that I more or less just shut down and carried about the rest of the day on autopilot. I’m fairly sure my reaction was pretty standard.

Your reaction is typical for 21st century Australia. On the other hand, Glumra's reaction would be more common and appropriate in some modern third world nations, and also in a good number of ancient and medieval cultures.

A good example of differences in reactions (or perhaps I should say culturally expected) to grief can be highlighted between how modern Australian society expects men to react to a tragedy and how late 12th century/early 13th century society expected men to react. Whereas modern Australian society expects a certain stoicism and no tears, late 12th/early 13th century men were expected to openly show their grief and cry. In fact, medieval men from that period were expected to show emotion frequently and strongly. Even a good speech could bring them to tears, and they frequently wrote highly emotional, quite erotic letters to each other (though without any actual sexual overtones. It's complicated, but it's because of Song of Songs and the Church).

[2A]

theepistler
October 5 2017, 20:55:26
It doesn't really fit in this setting, though, because so far no-one has reacted like this to the death of a loved one. When Garrow died, Eragon cried and raged a bit, but that was all. When Brom died he just moped around feeling sorry for himself. Nor was there any wailing or breast-beating when Ajihad or Hrothgar died. In all cases the reaction was stoicism and a few token tears, and that includes the dwarves. Orik barely even blinked on being told Ajihad was dead.

In any case it's still ridiculously melodramatic and silly, and comes right out of nowhere.

[2A1]

hergrim
October 5 2017, 21:16:18
On the other hand, the Deep-Downers are singled out as being quite different from normal. Melodramatic, sure. Out of nowhere, sure. But you can't use the rest of Alagagland as a measuring stick for a subculture singled out as being quite different from everything else, nor can you say "well I wouldn't, so therefore no one would".

[2A1A]

theepistler
October 5 2017, 21:23:09 Edited: October 5 2017, 21:23:29
But if it's so unusual, why doesn't Eragon start getting freaked out and thinking she's nuts? (He doesn't. In fact he doesn't seem to think the wailing and screaming is the least bit odd). On top of that, in the next book some of the Carp Hat women start doing it over the deformed baby, right out of the blue. So I'd say it's much more a case of Paolini deciding to randomly stick this sort of thing in there just because, even though it doesn't fit.

[2A1A1]

torylltales
October 5 2017, 22:03:10 Edited: October 5 2017, 22:05:04
I agree with both of you in parts: the fact that this comes out of nowhere with no precedent despite many death scenes, and is then mirrored later by people of a completely different culture, suggests that it's one of Paolini's infamous "this sounds good let's use it"isms.

But, at the same time, there have been and are lots of cultures around the world where grief is or was expressed by wailing, beating the chest, pulling out hair, tearing clothes, and all sorts of other cultural rituals that today in Western society would seem cartoonishly melodramatic.

So you're both right, in that that sort of behaviour wouldn't be out of place IF Paolini had established it as a cultural norm OR confined it exclusively to the "deep dweller" people and had Eragon react with realistic alarm to being faced with a violently dramatic grief ritual with which he's not familiar.

[2A1A1A]

theepistler
October 5 2017, 22:09:59 Edited: October 5 2017, 22:11:37
In hindsight I'll admit that I've actually seen footage of people doing just that, most notably in Iraq after the US army caused some, uh... collateral damage (by which I mean children were killed and people's homes destroyed. Whoops). I just didn't really put two and two together because as you say it just comes right the fuck out of nowhere and Eragon isn't the least bit shocked by it and doesn't seem to find it the least bit unusual. It just says he's "discomfited" so he stares at the scenery for a while. Heck, he's not even particularly shocked when she cuts her own finger off.

[2A1A1A1]

torylltales
October 5 2017, 22:30:40
There again, is Eragon "particularly shocked" about ANYTHING in this series?

[2A1A1A1A]

theepistler
October 5 2017, 22:36:25
Uh... not really, no. He wasn't particularly shocked about the "Evil Daddy" thing in the last book, and nor does he have much reaction in this one when he finds out Brom is his real (equally awful) father. The guy's so passive and dull you'd think he was on horse tranquilisers.

[2A1A1A2]

zorbulon
October 6 2017, 06:50:05
It is far less "discomfiting" in a footage than when it's a random dude wailing it all out pretty much within arm's reach in a metro train, I can tell you that much. For one thing, TVs have volume control and muting...

[2A1A2]

hergrim
October 6 2017, 08:51:57
I think, as you and Tory discuss below, Eragon not reacting to it is just his default state, rather than him accepting it as normal. Then again, as you point out, Paolini does reuse the wailing later on in a context that does come out of nowhere. So, I suppose, he does misuse the concept to a degree.

[2A2]

thegharialguy
October 5 2017, 23:40:58
The thing about those instances is that it was always parental figures dying. Losing a child, especially suddenly without warning, is a whole different kettle of fish. I don't think this is actually too extreme. I've heard accounts from Police who have the unfortunate job of telling parents their child has died in a car crash. From those accounts I'd expect her to lash out at Eragon quite a bit she's so ridiculously polite towards him, but of a symptom of the series as a whole. Also does anyone feel like it doesn't make sense that these super isolated Dwarves are bilingual?

[2A2A]

torylltales
October 6 2017, 00:12:44
Don't you know every character speaks Common Tongue as fluently as their native language, regardless of whether they had any opportunities to learn and practice it?

[2B]

anontu
October 5 2017, 22:22:28
I've seen a lot of anime characters grieve and no matter what sort of personality they have almost all of them throw their heads back and howl their grief.
Now I know anime isn't an accurate representation of real life Japan yet it happens enough for me to believe this may be how grieving is done or expected to be in Eastern cultures (or maybe just Japan).

[2B1]

hergrim
October 6 2017, 08:54:56
It's interesting, because that's really opposite to the impression I've developed of Japanese culture. It would be interesting to know just how much grief in anime reflects grief in Japanese society.

[2B2]

torylltales
October 6 2017, 10:35:44 Edited: October 6 2017, 10:36:19
From what I've seen, anime is the id to Japanese society's super-ego. A visual representation of inner feelings that are not expressed in polite company.

From a website about cultural grieving customs:

The first response to tragedy and death [in traditional Japanese society] is to take care of the immediate details and needs in a practical and efficient manner. After the needs are met, family and friends together can process the loss of a loved one. Shinto periods of mourning rely on rituals and traditions of the past to provide the proper pathway to guide someone through the difficult days of mourning and grief.


[3]

torylltales
October 5 2017, 22:33:07
Next chapter up is Clanmeet by the_bishop8
Followed by hergrim with Insubordnation
And pipedream with Message In A Bottle Mirror.

[3A]

pipedreamno20
October 5 2017, 22:50:11

Watch on YouTube

[3A1]

theepistler
October 5 2017, 22:53:58
OMGs I love that song! :D

[3A2]

torylltales
October 6 2017, 00:07:52
That is exactly what I was alluding to.

late 70s - early 80s Sting was dreamy.

[4]

Anonymous
October 6 2017, 01:42:27
If that is a dessert pie, then I have to ask how this dwarves woman has gotten her food stocks. There is a war going on that would disrupt trade. Berries don’t keep super long, and sweets like honey, sugar, or molasses are luxury items. How could she afford the ingredients for pie when trade routes and agriculture have been disrupted by warfare?

[4A]

syntinen_laulu
October 6 2017, 03:12:34
Well, you can preserve fruit by drying it, and you then only need to soak it in water to make it fit to bake in a pie. That method, unlike bottling, requires no sugar; and some fruits such as apricots and grapes are sweet enough that they need no added sugar to make a pie filling - particularly for people whom aren't as accustomed, indeed addicted, to sugar as modern Western people are.

But I didn't imagine a sweet pie at all; I envisaged a cold meat pie - pigeon pie, perhaps. After all, if these people can have pigeon eggs, they can certainly have pigeon meat.

Re the pigeon eggs: I suspect that Paolini here was straining to differentiate Alaglaglag from the modern US, and said to himself 'They don't have modern battery farms. So if they have eggs they must come from, I don't know ... wild pigeons? Yes! They collect pigeon eggs in the forest!' Which of course is stupid because if the dwarves eat eggs as an everyday foodstuff they couldn't possibly rely on foraged ones: they must have battery farms somewhere in Farthen Dur. And battery farms mean chickens, or some AU equivalent, because there just is no other bird that can be got to lay eggs consistently year round, rather than once or twice a year.

[4A1]

thegharialguy
October 6 2017, 22:10:30
Man I just have the hilarious image of a load of chickens escaping into the tunnels and dwarves fumbling around trying to catch them.

[4A1A]

theepistler
October 6 2017, 22:21:23
Oh man, I just pictured a retro eight-bit game based on that. Orik's Chicken Race! The dwarf tunnels are full of escaped chickens! Can you catch them all before the timer runs out? Collect eggs for a speed boost power-up!

[5]

Anonymous
October 6 2017, 05:01:33
The "mine" in place of "my" thing really bothers me. You know Pao's only doing it for the pun. It makes them sound like rock based Smurfs whenever they speak.