Brisingr Spork: Chapter 54 - Leave-Taking

[pangolin20]

theepistler wrote in antishurtugal, 2018-08-23 16:51:00

MOOD: hungry

Brisingr Spork: Chapter 54 - Leave-Taking

I wish these chapter titles were numbered. It’s probably the reason why my last spork was mis-numbered. Either way we’re into the home stretch now! Friggin’ finally.

Eragon and Saphira fly back to “their tree house”. Don’t ask me how it belongs to Saphira when she can’t even fit inside it. And there’s no adjoining dragon parking garage or anything. Actually, this leads me to wonder why the elves don’t have any dragon accommodation, because the dwarves did, and they don’t even like dragons. (…allegedly. They haven’t exactly acted like it; instead the scarce handful who didn’t join the Eragon Fan Club only seemedto have a problem with Eragon, not Saphira).

Anyway, having gathered up his stuff Eragon insists that he wants to do something else before he leaves Off-Brand Lotholrien, claiming that “I won’t be content unless I do”. He is of course referring to going to see Sloan, and Saphira actually objects to this, asking “Must you?” Did Paolini not realise what a callous asshole this makes her look like? Eragon doesn’t even call her out on it, so apparently not.

Saphira flies the jackass to Sloan’s new digs, which gets a big paragraph of description. As usual it’s clunky and disjointed, and reads like a list rather than actual prose. Which is par for the course with Paolini’s descriptions and always has been. Seriously, he still hasn’t gotten any better at this after over a decade of writing as a “professional”. This description is so bad and amateur you could easily mistake it as having come from the first book… which he wrote when he was nineteen. As opposed to present day, when he’s pushing forty.

It’s pretty damn sad when a guy old enough to have had multiple jobs in his lifetime still writes like an inexperienced teenager. Basically the only difference to be had is that the enthusiasm some people found cute has now been replaced by a tone of smug cynicism and boredom, which will only get worse in book four. (I’m talking about the prose style, not the interviews, but feel free to draw that comparison too).

After the boring description of Sloan’s house, we get a description of Sloan himself. He’s sitting on a “bulbous root”, and is wearing elfy robes. Why do Paoelves wear robes? Because that’s what Galadriel and her husband whatshisname wore in the LoTR movies, and there’s no more reason behind it than that. We’re reminded that the poor guy has “gaping holes” where his eyes used to be. But we’re still not supposed to like or feel sorry for him, remember.

Sloan is currently doing some whittling and has a bunch of fresh scars on his his hands and arms. Because, y’know, he’s been using a knife while blind. Clearly Sloan is not the kind of guy who learns from his mistakes.

Eragon sneaks up on him, and Sloan tells him to get lost. Eragon just stands there like the melon he is, so Sloan yells at him, saying he wants to be left alone and no he doesn’t want to listen to any minstrels. Apparently the elves keep pestering him about it.

…am I the only one who finds that a bit weird? It sounds like they’re straight-up harassing the guy and don’t have any concept of “no means no”. No wonder he’s so cranky. I would be. Not only is he stuck in some obnoxiously perfect dump of a forest, surrounded by racist douchebags, but they won’t even let him get some goddamn peace and quiet.

Eragon once again demonstrates that he’s a fucking sociopath, because his response to this is to get angry and then feel outright uncomfortable that Sloan is in this state… because he clearly can’t stand the idea of experiencing icky emotions such as sympathy and compassion. Instead he thinks about how during his childhood he “feared and disliked” Sloan. …why was he afraid of him, exactly? What did Sloan ever do to him? All we ever saw him do to Eragon was be rude and refuse to let the little brat rip off his business by trying to trade a completely useless shiny rock for money.

Bet you anything Sloan is based on some guy who annoyed the author at some point, quite possibly an impolite neighbour. There’s something entirely too vindictive about the treatment he’s getting at Paolini’s hands via his self-insert.

Eragon asks him if he’s comfortable, using the AL like a complete prick, because for some reason he hasn’t realised that Sloan couldn’t possibly understand him (and wasn’t Eragon told in a previous chapter that Sloan has refused to learn the AL?). He also alters his voice, because he’s a coward.

And that’s something I’d like to reiterate: Eragon is a coward. He’s supposed to be a hardened warrior and a courageous hero, so on and so forth, but the truth of it is that he’s neither of the above. Not only does he whine like a spoilt little baby any time the world inconveniences him in any way shape or form, but every single one of his “victories” consists of him dominating people weaker than himself. And enjoying it a lot of the time, too. With Murtagh, who isn’t weaker than himself, he constantly gives up the moment he can’t get an easy win. He also throws tantrums – repeatedly – because he can’t just defeat the guy in a couple of blows like he does with everyone else. He clearly enjoys fighting despite all that whiny posturing about the trauma of killing, but only when it’s easy as piss, mowing down lots and lots of disposable faceless baddies who can’t lay a finger on him. When it comes to an actual challenge, he can’t handle it. At all.

And here we see him with Sloan, and not only was he too cowardly to see to it that the guy got a fair trial, but he doesn’t even have the guts to have an honest conversation with him now, or reveal his identity to him.

Because Eragon isn’t a hero, despite what the author clearly thinks and wants him to be. He’s a coward, and he’s a bully.
Remember – this is a wish fulfilment book and Eragon is a self-insert character.

If this is your idea of an ideal self doing the things you’d really really like to do, it’s time to face up to the fact that you are in all likelihood, a pretty awful person.

Anyway, so Sloan makes a “growl of disgust”, as do I, and says he doesn’t understand the AL and doesn’t wish to either. He adds that Eragon can speak to him in the (Alagaesian) Queen’s English or not at all. Eragon’s response? Nothing. He just stands there in total silence for “several minutes”, creepily watching him.

Eventually Sloan makes the comment that he can sometimes almost forget “what I have lost” but the memories still hurt. Because unlike the characters we’re supposed to like, he actually dwells on things, apparently.

Then Eragon just walks off, and we get one of the most hilariously ironic conversations in the entire book as Ergs says Sloan doesn’t seem to have changed much (in what, all of two months, if that? Shock, horror!). Saphira quite rightly points out that you can’t expect someone to change that quickly, and Eragon self-righteously proclaims that he had hoped Sloan would “repent of his crimes”

Saphira then demonstrates once again what a truly awful character she is:

If he does not wish to acknowledge his mistakes, Eragon, nothing can force him to. In any event, you have done all you can for him. Now he must find a way to reconcile himself with his lot. If he cannot, then let him seek the solace of the everlasting grave.

You heard it here first, folks. If Sloan doesn’t magically become what Saphira considers a better person, he can go die as far as she’s concerned.

As for why I called this exchange hilariously ironic, well, just try and apply this attitude to Eragon and the bad things he’s done. Because it never will be.

Ever.

The two sociopaths fly over to Oromis’ hut, which has now magically become a “pinewood house”. Consistency! Along the way we get some epically horrible use of visual metaphor:

The morning sun sat full upon the horizon, and the rays of light that streamed out over the treetops created long, dark shadows that, as one, pointed to the west like purple pennants.

Ick.

Oromis and Glaedr are sitting together in a “clearing” outside. Considering how fuck-off huge Glaedr is (remember, his eyeballs are the size of shields), that must be one hell of a clearing. As in, the size of a fucking aircraft hangar. Call me crazy, but I don’t think Paolini is all that good at visualising things in his head.

Glaedr is wearing his saddle and Oromis is wearing “travelling robes”, also “a corselet of golden scale armour”. How does making it golden make it more effecitve armour? And how are “robes” a good outfit for travelling? Pants, people! When you travel, you want pants! Even more so when you’re going into battle. D’you know what long, flowing outfits do? They snag on things. I can’t even walk upstairs in a dress without the risk of tripping – why else do you think society ladies were so often depicted holding up their hems? Because it wasn’t to look pretty.

But as always, form is more important than function in Paolini Land.

Saphira asks if they’re coming to the Varden with them, and Oromis answers that they’re only coming as far as the edge of the forest. Eragon, the tit, asks if that means Oromis is going back to Elfland. Yes, that would be why he’s wearing armour, bozo. Does Eragon have a secret hobby of sniffing glue?

Oromis says that actually they’re going to Gilgalad – uh, Gil’ead. Eragon keeps on with the boneheaded stupidity, asking him why he’s going there. Well obviously he’s going there for a nice tea party with cucumber sandwiches and petit fours. Why do you think he’s going there, you fucking nimrod?

Glaedr, whose mind apparently has a “strange, gleaming structure”, whatever the hell that means, says that duh – they’re going there to attack it along with Queen No Man Is An Islandzadi and her superior elven army. Supposedly they’re going to “lay siege to the city”, except Paolini has no freaking idea what a siege actually is, since he always depicts it as “lots of guys charging mindlessly at the walls”. That’s not a siege, genius – it’s an assault. A siege is where you hold back and wait it out in the hopes that the other guys will eventually surrender.

Finally Oromis explains that it’s time to stop hiding. Indeed he gives a massive three paragraph speech about it, replete with a fuckload of Purple. Basically it boils down to “I’ve finished serving my plot appointed purpose and must now surrender to the Mentor Occupational Hazard, as it is written in the ancient scrolls of people who have no imagination”.
Eragon, still being an idiot, feels the need to point out that Oromis can’t do much magic. I think he already knows that, Douchecanoeagon. Also, he’s riding on a fucking fire-breathing dragon the size of a passenger jet. But I'm sure that won't make any difference at all.

Naturally Oromis responds with another massive paragraph of blathering, as he slowly and in entirely unnecessary minute detail explains that the diamond on his sword has a big heaping pile of magic in it which he’s been saving up, and also it has FUCKING WARDS on it to protect him if he has a seizure.

…but it doesn’t have any FUCKING WARDS to stop him from dropping it. Because then he might not die the way Paolini wants him to. Hand over the idiot ball, Oromis; you’ve been hogging it in your court for the last two pages.

He then blah-blahs about how he’s willing to die to free Arglebargledingdong from “the shadow of Galbatorix’s tyranny”. As opposed to the tyranny of the Riders, which was good and wise and so on, with whiskers on raindrops and rainbows on kittens or something like that. I never finished watching The Sound of Music, okay?

Durragon asks who’s going to train the new riders if Oromis is dead, and Oromis says he’ll have to handle it himself. Eragon responds to this with “unease”, and thinks that “He had often longed to be treated as more of an adult”, but this feels like too much.

Eragon, if you want to be treated like an adult, then you have to act like one. And so far you’ve been acting like a nauseatingly over-privileged twelve year old.

Out of nowhere Oromis tells Ergs that when Saphira attacked the Murder Tree, “half the elves in Lothlorien Ellesemera” mentally contacted him and Glaedr and begged them to protect the stupid thing. Not only that, but they had to intervene when Gilderien the Unwisely Not Cut From the Series wanted to punish the two of them “for employing such violent methods”.

Because the elves have a problem with violence again now, apparently.

Saphira, the asshole, responds to this by saying she refuses to apologise. If you want me to hate you, just keep going, Saphira. Because you’re doing an excellent job of it.

Oromis, like all the NPCs we’re supposed to like, then proceeds to enable the hell out of her by saying he’s not criticising her and then dropping the subject. Why exactly are they being let off the hook like this, may I ask? Oh right – Because Protagonist. Sure, they just did the equivalent of going to the Temple Mount in Jerusalem and setting the place on fire, but heaven forfend they actually have to suffer for it.

Oromis then moves on to Sue praising the stupid sword, and Eragon and Paolini both demonstrate that they don’t know how grammar works, as Eragon says that he can’t say the name of the sword because “the blade bursts into… oh wait I can’t say ‘fire’! I’d better say ‘flames’ instead.”

Uh, Paolini? Nothing “bursts into fire”. They burst into flames. Was this thing edited by a guy with a chainsaw or what? I would most definitely like to take a chainsaw to the book right now after the fact, but unfortunately I’m using an electronic copy. Which I totally didn’t pirate because I refuse to give hack authors my money. *cough*

Oromis asks about the flaming sword thing, and then accidentally sets up a red herring for a future plot point, as he murmurs “I wonder” while staring mysteriously into the distance, and then leaves the thought unfinished. Fans naturally asked Paolini what this was hinting at, and the short answer is absolutely nothing. It’s not foreshadowing or a clue or anything like that. It’s just bad writing, and there actually is no explanation given for the flaming sword, ever. Thankyou for wasting even more of our time, Paolini.

Then Oromis starts blah-blahing about his disabilities, and reveals that he too is a heartless psychopath who treats war casualties like RPG kills:

“Even in our current state, we could easily slay a hundred ordinary humans – a hundred or a thousand, it would matter little which.”

Why the fuck is this pacifist, vegetarian elf who taught Durragon that life is sacred talking so casually about slaughtering hapless human beings? Note that he specifies humans as well, racist jackass that he is.

Either way Oromis basically outright tells Eragon he’s going to die, adding that Ergs has the best chance of defeating Galbatorix. Because again, it’s all about raw power and age, experience and cunning mean absolutely nothing when it comes to defeating your enemies.

Then Oromis announces that before he goes Durragon is getting yet another shiny accessory to lug around with him: Glaedr’s Eldunari. Glaedr explains that they can use it to keep in touch with him over long distances, and then flat-out tells Eragon he can use it as a power-up if he dies. Eragon actually asks a sensible question for once, pointing out that living without his rider while trapped in a shiny rock would really suck. Glaedr says he’s willing to make that sacrifice if it means killing Galbs. For all the attention he gets from the narrative you would think Galbatorix is actually an important character with a significant role to play in the story, but you’d be dead wrong.

Oromis declares that “The purpose of life is not to do what we want but what needs to be done”. An attitude all too fitting to have been written by someone who’s never been in control of his life and probably resents it on some level or other.
Then Glaedr coughs up the shiny dragonball, and it’s written exactly as if he were hacking up a hairball. Because the dragons in this series are really just cats without any of the charm. The description is honestly pretty disgusting to read, complete with descriptions of the inside of Glaedr’s throat and such. Also, I’m really questioning how he’s vomiting this thing up like it was held in his stomach when it’s supposed to be embedded in his chest cavity somewhere. Where in the dragon’s anatomy does it actually go? Is it in some sort of crop, like what birds have? Or is Paolini just making this shit up as he goes?

(It’s the last one. Definitely the last one).

Durragon catches the power-up, and we get a huge description of it. Paolini sure does love his descriptions. Even when they add nothing to the story. And also, it’s covered in mucus.

Interestingly, while it’s tempting to just skim over it, if you can force yourself to pay attention you’ll find out the Eldunari actually has facets like a cut gemstone. I find it interesting because last time my eyes glazed over and I just ignored the details altogether and set up a headcanon which said it was smooth. So there you go.

Oromis hands Ergs a sack to put it in. Yep, a sack. Somehow that feels a little too unceremonious to me, considering how valuable and sacred the thing is supposed to be. Saphira promises that they’ll guard it with their lives, and Oromis angrily explains that they’re too much of a Sue for that. Shut up, that’s what it boils down to no matter how you swing it. He flat-out states that if the two assholes die “all will be darkness”. Because as usual, the world revolves around Doucheagon. I still have no idea what the consequences would actually be if Galbatorix won. Because again, Galbatorix's Big Evil Plan of Evilness... doesn't exist. The world isn't coming to an end, all life is not about to be snuffed out, Sauron isn't getting the One Ring. Shut the hell up,Yodamis.

Oromis and Glaedr dying, though? Eh, no biggie. They’re just glorified NPCs when all is said and done. What could they possibly contribute now they’ve finished giving the self-insert power-ups?

Glaedr says they’re allowed to tell Nas about his dragonball if need be, but they can’t let the existence of the things “become common knowledge”. Because fuck ordinary people. Can’t let them start suspecting that their lives are being stage-managed by a big heap of dead dragons hiding out on an island; they might start getting bright ideas about nipping over there with a hammer and putting a stop to it.

After what feels like an eternity of blathering on and on, complete with another little speech from Oromis about the importance of secrets (in other words, lying by default, about everything, just because you can), the four chucklefucks finally get on with it. Oromis actually has to take a running jump to get onto Glaedr’s back, parkour style. I wish he’d take a running jump off the nearest ledge overhanging an active volcano, but not to worry – he’ll be dead soon anyway. And good riddance.

Saphira says they’ve spent too long in Off-Brand Lothlorien. Yeah, what is it – ten chapters and counting so far? Maybe if you lot would stop yapping your traps at the slightest opportunity that wouldn’t have happened. (Seriously; at least 95% of this part of the book has been nothing but people standing around with their hands on their hips, having longass conversations about everything under the sun).

Glaedr says it was “time well spent”, and I beg to differ. My time was better spent the last time I spent it with my head down the toilet. Which was after reading the “romantic” dialogue from the last chapter.

We then get a big, long, long, minutely detailed description of the two dragons taking off, and Saphira and Glaedr start roaring. No reason; they just do it for the effect. The details of literally everything they do here while turning to the southwest and coming up alongside each other are painfully precise and add nothing to the story. In the group sporking of Inheritance someone observed that all the potentially interesting parts of the story are pushed to one side so Paolini can wax lyrical about trees and how awesome Eragon is. I agree. If it’s not about landscapes, trees, Eragon or in some way related to how Awesome and Important Eragon (or occasionally Roran) is, Paolini isn’t interested.

And with that, the chapter finally comes to a merciful close.

Next up, some poor bastard has to spork an entire chapter spent on nothing but watching Eragon and Saphira fly around accomplishing dick all. And I’m extremely grateful that poor bastard isn’t me. Have fun, Pipedream.

26 comments

[1]

minionnumber2
August 23 2018, 18:36:40

[Caption: An elf woman dancing along in the background, saying 'Baby, baby, baby ooooo~'
Sloan, in the foreground, scowls and says 'I will end you!']

[1A]

snarkbotanya
August 23 2018, 18:50:26
So THAT'S why you asked if that song was the most annoying... these comics are fucking brilliant. XD

[1A1]

minionnumber2
August 24 2018, 17:47:49
Hopefully they keep being funny, because I intend to keep throwing them out when something silly hits me.

[1B]

theepistler
August 23 2018, 20:26:57
My own comic! :o

Pardon me while I wipe this tear from my eye. XD


thegharialguy
August 24 2018, 02:39:53
Eragon assumed the knife was for whittling, but that was actually a whetstone.

[2]

syntinen_laulu
August 23 2018, 21:58:01
In any event, you have done all you can for him. Now he must find a way to reconcile himself with his lot. If he cannot, then let him seek the solace of the everlasting grave.

You heard it here first, folks. If Sloan doesn’t magically become what Saphira considers a better person, he can go die as far as she’s concerned.

But specifically what Saphira says she thinks he ought to do is accept the horrible things Eragon has done to him - his blindness, his permanent separation from the one person he has to love in all the world, his magical enslavement (you can't call it anything else) in exile from other human beings. Fate or chance haven't given him that 'lot': it's purely Eragon's doing.

long, dark shadows that, as one, pointed to the west like purple pennants.

Apart from early-morning shadows not being purple, since when do pennants point to anything?

Oromis is wearing “travelling robes”, also “a corselet of golden scale armour”. How does making it golden make it more effecitve armour? And how are “robes” a good outfit for travelling? Pants, people! When you travel, you want pants! Even more so when you’re going into battle.

Well, I suppose gold-plated armour is rust-proof, so if you can afford that you'll save a lot of time and elbow-grease that you'd otherwise have to spend polishing it. And Glaedr is golden, so perhaps he just likes his accessories to be matchy-matchy? As for wearing robes for both travelling and battle, in fairness Tolkien has Gandalf do that.

[2A]

theepistler
August 24 2018, 07:13:00
But specifically what Saphira says she thinks he ought to do is accept the horrible things Eragon has done to him

Indeed. How dare the little ingrate resent having been mind-raped and robbed of his free will? Yet again the only recognised sin in this world is refusing to acknowledge that Eragon Is Always Right. It's been said before, but this is EPIC Sue.

Apart from early-morning shadows not being purple, since when do pennants point to anything?

Honestly, Paolini probably just thought the alliteration made it sound good and there was no more thought put into it than that. If you handed this thing to any of the editors I've worked with in my time, they'd tear it to shreds. He'd have gotten the ms back 90% red pen.

[3]

Anonymous
August 23 2018, 23:49:49
Shadows are not purple. Like it or not. As for gold armor, unless it has been painted to look that way just for rule of cool it's pretty much useless -gold is heavy and malleable-, I think something alike was discussed when a bad guy carried an armor of gold coins.

[3A]

syntinen_laulu
August 24 2018, 01:06:06
There's always gilding. Which as I posted actually has a smidgen of practical benefit. Historically most if not all all-over gilded or blue-and-gilt plate armours were ceremonial show-off wear, but blueing-and-gilding was also applied to some genuine battlefield items for this reason. Many 18th-century and Napoleonic officers had the top section of their sword-blades blued and gilt, not purely for swank (though the decoration is beautiful) but because if you wear your sword in the rain it's the top section that is likely to get damp, and if it is plain steel you could find it has rusted right into the scabbard.

[3A1]

Anonymous
August 24 2018, 06:03:27
Very interesting stuff (noted). Being PaoPao who is, however, I suspect that armor will be gold. Like the one I mentioned of gold coins, that I think appears in Eldest -magic armor, I guess; there was something like that back in the AD&D days-

[3B]

theepistler
August 24 2018, 07:00:43
If I had my druthers, Paolini would have been banned from describing things a long time ago.

[3C]

minionnumber2
August 24 2018, 18:09:20
I'm going to blame Paolini's colorblindness and his need to sound poetic here. While you can get a lot of purple shadows when looking at a mountain in the distance at sunrise, that reflective light isn't present up close.

[4]

thegharialguy
August 24 2018, 02:38:20 Edited: August 24 2018, 02:39:04
I'm going to stress again for anyone that missed it, it's absolutely ridiculous that Sloan managed to get from one end of the continent to the other, on foot, while blind, during the time frame presented in this book.

Oromis then moves on to Sue praising the stupid sword, and Eragon and Paolini both demonstrate that they don’t know how grammar works, as Eragon says that he can’t say the name of the sword because “the blade bursts into… oh wait I can’t say ‘fire’! I’d better say ‘flames’ instead.”

Uh, Paolini? Nothing “bursts into fire”. They burst into flames. Was this thing edited by a guy with a chainsaw or what? I would most definitely like to take a chainsaw to the book right now after the fact, but unfortunately I’m using an electronic copy. Which I totally didn’t pirate because I refuse to give hack authors my money. *cough*

I'd personally cut him some slack here, as they are speaking in the ancient language, and I actually think Paolini had this in mind when he wrote the scene, especially since there's a reminder a few paragraphs earlier with Sloan. Flames and Fire being the same word in the Ancient Language seems pretty realistic given its a language based on the concept of things. As far as earthly objects go, flames and fire are the same thing, so it makes sense that there's only one word in the Ancient Language. Of course, this is ruined as I suddenly recall a vague memory of there actually being another word for fire used like once somewhere in the series. If Eragon wanted to he also could have just swapped over to English to say the word fire (if the sword still burst into flames when he said that, then I might actually be okay with the idea, as it'd turn the whole thing into a massive joke. Think about it, this effect that's meant to be crazy cool, but in reality is completely impractical and keeps on activating on its own making it cumbersome and irritating for the wielder. That could be legit amusing if he leaned into it a bit more. You could even give the sword a personality as it gradually tries to contrive more and more reasons to set its self on fire based on ever loosening criteria).

[4A]

theepistler
August 24 2018, 07:08:20
I did consider the fact that it could be something to do with the fact that he's speaking a different language... except he ends up saying "flames" in the AL anyway and there's no indication that it's a word other than "brisingr" whatsoever. Personally I'd have just had him revert to the regular human language.

I think it's pretty moronic that everyone goes around using the AL in everyday conversation. With the way the magic system is set up, people should be accidentally casting spells on the regular while chit-chatting with the neighbours. After all Eragon did manage to put a spell on Elva in book one without meaning to, just by speaking the AL. Plus how the hell are you supposed to interact with people properly if everything you say has to be absolute truth? Sure, lying to people isn't nice, but social lying and half-truths exist for good reason. Besides which the "heroes" in this series manage to be a load of horrible dishonest bastards anyway, so clearly the AL isn't helping any.

[5]

vorpal_tongue
August 24 2018, 03:08:36
If he does not wish to acknowledge his mistakes, Eragon, nothing can force him to. In any event, you have done all you can for him. Now he must find a way to reconcile himself with his lot. If he cannot, then let him seek the solace of the everlasting grave.

Except A) Eragon hasn't done all that much FOR him, which is bad enough if not for B) Forcibly, and permanently separated him from his reason to live, and C) Sloan probably HAS tried to end his own life as the scars on his arms may indicate. Though he probably can't if only he can't because of the curse Ergs put on him.

[5A]

theepistler
August 24 2018, 07:03:55
Indeed. Eragon has done nothing "for" him and everything TO him. Once again Paolini is seriously trying imply that mind-raping, enslaving and banishing the guy was doing him some sort of big favour. Hell, Eragon practically behaves as if Sloan should be thanking him right now.

Paolini has a really fucking warped idea of what constitutes helping people.

[5B]

Anonymous
August 26 2018, 08:21:34
I agree that Eragon was awful to Sloan, but I always read those scars as a result of the knife slipping while he was trying to whittle. I don’t think Paolini was trying to imply failed suicide attempts. Though that certainly is a darker layer of (hopefully) unintended subtext...

[5B1]

theepistler
August 26 2018, 09:57:06
Yeah, that was how I read it too. Paolini doesn't imply things; if it's not outright stated, it wasn't intentional.

[6]

Anonymous
August 24 2018, 12:40:45
Saphira honestly creeps me out sometimes. I know Pao is trying to write her like she's an intelligent beast, but it's really off putting how her solutions to any problem involve death or violence. She basically tells Eragon that if Sloan can't deal with his living hell, he can die for all she cares. None of the other dragons act like she does but no one ever calls her on anything. The closest she gets to a reprimand was in Eldest when Glaedr attacked her for getting too fresh. She pushed Glaedr so hard that he entered a feral, thoughtless state that we've never seen in another dragon until the tortured Shuriken makes an appearance. I think she may be crazy by dragon standards. It might explain why the dragons in the Vault latch onto Eragon without giving Saphira the time of day.

[6A]

theepistler
August 24 2018, 15:50:58
Yeah, there's something seriously wrong with her. Literally the first thing she does in this book is explain to Durragon and Roran that killing is great and you shouldn't regret doing it. Remember her line about seeing the bodies of your enemies piled before you should bring you joy? ...yeeaaah.
People probably don't notice it as much because she's supposed to be a dragon, but she's just as psychotic and evil as Eragon and Roran, possibly even more so. (At least they periodically pretend to feel bad about what they're doing. Saphira flat-out advocates enjoying it).

[6A1]

Anonymous
August 24 2018, 22:42:58
Maybe it has to see with Eragon himself. Not just because his sociopathy maybe has contagied her but also because of not knowing how to educate a dragon.

[6A1A]

theepistler
August 24 2018, 22:47:20
Or hell, maybe she chose him in the first place because she recognised a kindred spirit.

[6A1A1]

Anonymous
August 25 2018, 08:12:50
Or both, who knows?. Frankly, if this was D&D Eragon would be lawful evil, as at least recognizes Nasuada's (etc) authority, and Saphira chaotic neutral (and this being merciful).

(PS: Damn you. I remember to have liked Saphira and her look on the book jacket even if I prefer dragons with crests, large horns and spines, etc. in the D&D tradition and not something that looks so equine. Now I'm disliking her more and more.)

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theepistler
August 25 2018, 09:52:37 Edited: August 25 2018, 14:34:27
Saphira was pretty much everyone's favourite, despite the fact that she adds little to nothing to the story and has a truly miserable personality. Probably they just liked her because she's a dragon. She looks kinda cute on the cover of the first book, but honestly? With hindsight she looks more like a horse/ape hybrid than any sort of dragon, and it's all downhill from there. Someone pointed out that Firnen looks embarrassed to be on the cover of book four. Actually, they all look rather embarrassed...

"She recognised him as a kindred spirit" would be a really touching explanation as to why she hatched for Eragon... if by "kindred spirit" you didn't mean "she's a fucking psycho who recognised a fellow fucking psycho".

When you think about it it's actually kind of amazing how much the two of them have in common, but unfortunately all the shared traits they have are negative ones. They're both arrogant as hell, they're both entitled as hell, they're both bullying assholes, they're both vain little peacocks (note Eragon's fancy outfits and the way he moons over his own pretty new face in the mirror after being elfified, also the whiny tantrum he threw on realising he had an OMG unsightly scar), and they're both violent and bloodthirsty. Let's face it; Eragon clearly enjoys killing as much as Saphira does no matter how many times he pretends otherwise.

To quote myself in one of my other sporks: These two were made for each other. In Hell.

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Anonymous
August 25 2018, 18:28:40
Oh, yes, Vivisector. I enjoyed a lot his sporks especially the ones of the last book.

As for the look of the dragons, yes. As much as is refreshing to see something that does not look like a hodgepodge of lizard, dinosaur, bat, etc. damn, in retrospect -a long nose and a small mouth do not mix well in a carnivorous animal, compare dogs/wolves and cats,etc--. The "being inspired in a cat" does not help either.

As a final remark, I already said that: the books are so dense that most of the nasty bits scaped me (and being interested to finish reading the saga helped to that), and after -mostly, dragons are dragons- forgetting Eragon and finding places as this I discovered them. And the more I see them, the more I dislike both characters and am glad they're fictional.

One of these days I may write a small crossover of them with my stuff, I'll see.

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theepistler
August 25 2018, 18:53:49
Yeah, Paodragons really aren't very well-designed creatures, in the text or on the covers. The artist is really good at drawing people, but his attempts at dragons (at least, these examples) are good on a technical level, but pretty awful on a design level. They just don't look like living creatures that would actually work.