Reading Brisingr Part Four: It All Ends

[pangolin20]

theepistler wrote in antishurtugal, 2016-09-08 17:14:00
MOOD: sick
MUSIC: Vampire the Masquerade Bloodlines Soundtrack

Reading Brisingr Part Four: It All Ends

Well that's that over and done with. I've now written the actual review, which I will post in a while. Maybe tomorrow. It's long, it's surly, and it contains a lot of writing advice on how not to make the same mistakes. I liked exactly nothing about this book. But you probably guessed that already.
And now Saphira is claiming that Eragon is less bloodthirsty than her and that they therefore balance each other out. Since when? Eragon has no more problem with killing lots of people than she does!
Oh, now the Varden is deliberately destroying the homes of the poorest of the poor. These are the good guys?

yep. Just wait, there's one line in there somewhere that is absolute gold. Something about the "swath of destruction" and desolation that the Varden are leaving in their wake. Completely unselfaware and/or uncaring.

Trianna telling Eragon to go rescue Arya sounds EXACTLY like being given a new quest in an RPG.

funny, that.

Eragon has absolutely no reaction to seeing a slum half demolished and the rest on fire. None. It's as if the poor people who live in those "hovels" don't even exist. He spares not a moment's thought for them. He doesn't so much as wonder where they've gone and whether they're okay. ASSHOLE.

NPCs though.
gotta smash a few pots to find the gems.

Hah. I just love how he calls the Varden soldiers "warriors" in an attempt to make them sound noble and honourable.

they're warriors for CHRISTopher.

okay, poor taste. Strike it from the record, please.

If they were on some noble quest for the good of humanity, who do they act so ignobly and cause death and ruin for the general human population?

BAHAHA! Are you kidding? That's pure gold!
I have no idea, and if anyone has put the question to Paolini he probably ignored it.

Why is Furry Elf going into battle with nothing but a dagger? Oh, look, Eragon is taking energy from dead soldiers without batting an eye. That's not creepy at all.

why do dead people still have energy to take? Does that mean rocks and fossils and carrion have energy that Eragon can take? Or does it mean he's stealing energy from soldiers who are nearly dead or very recently dead?

I think they just died earlier in this scene. Still creepy.
Great, and they're killing even MORE people who aren't even on Galbatorix's side! Does Pao WANT his characters to look like sadistic bastards? Why is capturing this city even necessary?

They're not vocally and enthusiastically with/for the Varden, therefore they are assumed to be against them and must be destroyed.

This despite the fact that they have absolutely no reason so want to support the Varden.
Oh, and Eragon's solution to a guy openly disagreeing with him is to kill him in cold blood. Lovely.

Like I said, either you're with the Varden, or you must die.

And Saphira is cooking guys alive in their armour! This is seriously unpleasant to read.

Because of what's happening, or because of the way it's written?

Both, really.

And Horst, a frigging blacksmith with zero combat experience, is fighting in the battle. WHAT? Even if he DID know about combat, wouldn't he be far more useful making
weapons and such? Augh.

Why is everyone asking Eragon what his new sword is called IN THE MIDDLE OF A BATTLE?

Eragon, you're in the middle of a battle. Now is not the time to tell everyone Brom is your father, you moron.

Is "inrushing" even a word? [note from the future: according to Microsoft Word spellcheck, yes. It still doesn’t look like a real word, and I found it really distracting]

it's almost like Paolini has no idea what a battle might be like, and lacks the capacity to imagine it clearly.

Uncanny, isn't it? Everyone is always way too clear-headed and analytical in his fight scenes. Where's the adrenaline rush which renders abstract thought pretty much impossible? This is like me being able to do complex maths immediately after a car crash. Or even during one.

As the crushing force of the two colliding trains slammed into him, throwing him into the seat in front of him, Christopher couldn't help but wonder, "If train A had left Seaford at 10:05pm, and train B left Mornington at 10:15pm, where along the line were they?"

Oh, this is rich. Eragon: "Don't fight back against me and my buddies who are actively invading your home city, and we won't kill you! We're totally on your side, u gize!" These people don't know you or have ANY reason to trust you, you nitwit.
And now he's thinking of the fleeing soldiers as his "prey" and determined to kill them all. What a nice guy.

This is Paolini trying to make Eragon seem like a badass, like Rambo or the Terminator.
instead, we just get a psychotic killer with no morals or mercy or emotions.
Why does Eragon never have a shield? I'm honestly surprised that he hasn't been presented with a super special awesome magic shield. Instead he just keeps picking them up on the battlefield.
SHIELDS ARE FOR THE WEAK

So he's using one because...?

wait, IS he using one?

In that case, it does seem strange that he wouldn't, you know, have one of his own.
He picks one up off a dead guy, then when it gets broken he takes another. Earlier on he had said something about how he never seems to have a shield when he's attacked. Um, why would you not just carry one around with you, Eragon? You can sling the things on your back, you know.
And he's totally fine with carrying a full set of armour around with him. It makes me no sense!

What's even stranger is that he's using a two-handed sword with a shield. Maybe it's just because Eragon is so super strong and manly, but I always got the impression Brisingr was sized more like a bastard sword than a short weapon.

Oh great, now he's pretending to care about the citizens of Feinster or whatever this city is called. Liar.
It IS a bastard sword. The book specifically says so.
And he usually does wield it one-handed.

then using one with a shield is absurd.
at least from my understanding. I'm sure Kris_Norge would be able to confirm or deny it with greater authority.

Eragon FINALLY lights up his sword... and uses it to cut a gate open. What, he couldn't have used that to intimidate the soldiers he was trying to get to surrender?

and that's not specialist knowledge either, you can do a YouTube search for bastard swords and find lots of videos about, say, "bastard sword vs short sword and shield", but nothing on using a bastard sword /with/ a shield.
Yeah, bashing a gate with a sword, no matter how uber special it is, is stupid.

Well he uses it to cut through the "wards" on the gate, or whatever. Apparently it can do that.

charge! bash the gates with your sword! Wait, what's that? Boiling water, boiling oil, rocks, and/or sewerage being dropped at you from the wall?
Now his SWORD can "reweave the fabric of the universe to a form more pleasing to it" too?!

Shut up, Angela. You are not funny. You're an annoying loudmouth.

Angela is never funny.

Quite frankly, she's just plain rude.

Zar'roc is "bright as a nail", apparently. Nails are bright? Whut?

Why is Glaedr randomly projecting stuff into Eragon's mind? Wouldn't it have occurred to him that this would be an incredibly distracting thing to do, and while Eragon's in the middle of a battle no less?

Oh look, and once again everything is Galbatorix's fault. The guy is the entire cast's automatic scapegoat for absolutely everything. I'm picturing Eragon grazing his knee and yelling "dammit, this is all your fault, Galbatorix! You owe me a bandaid!"

"bright as a nail" exists literally in Brisingr, Eragon, and nowhere else. I can guess the meaning of the saying, as a newly made nail shines (being made of steel or iron) when polished, but Paolini uses it twice, with different meanings and in different contexts. Once to mean clever/intelligent, and once to mean literally bright. Make up your mind, Chris!

It produces a really confusing mental image, too. I always picture nails as dull and possibly rusted, not super shiny. Why would you want a shiny nail anyway? They're for putting up fences and making buildings!

galvanised nails remain shiny for a good long time.
as a side effect of being galvanised, of course, not because there is a need for them to be shiny.

Pretty sure galvanised nails aren't a thing in Alaglag anyway.

you never know, with magic and all.

Except that magic is almost never used for simple, practical purposes in this series. Which doesn't make any sense.

Nails weren't considered a necessity for building for a long time, anyway, they were just extra support, so going to a lot of effort to make them shiny would have been considered foolish.
especially for a farmhouse application like Eragon would be familiar with, like fencing posts or shelving or the like.

This is from Glaedr's POV. I bet elven nails are super shiny and made out of Mithril just 'cause. >:D

yep, that make sense.
probably silver just to be super pretentious.

what do elves even use nails for, don't they sing their houses into shape from the trees?
One would presume they can also sing buckets and fences and shelves from the trees too.

They don't use them for anything - they just make super awesome beautiful ornamental nails to show up the lesser races.

UNLESS we're talking about the wrong kind of nail. Given elves are super precious about their appearance, would it be likely for them to have discovered clear nail polish?
I could see one of Paolini's elves gloating and/or writing poetry about the brightness and shininess of their fingernails.
Hmm. maybe Nasuada's jailer from the next book got some nail-care tips from the elves. That would explain a lot.

it all makes sense now!

Well, I guess I'll see if I can finish the book now, sigh.

"children with sharp, flat teeth"? WHAT? What in the hell is that supposed to mean?

Why is Lady Lorana wearing a "diadem"?

Because diadems are cool. Just ask Tom Riddle.

That or a certain someone has played Skyrim

please, if that were the case, Eragon would be wearing one, not some minor NPC mini-boss.
Diadem of the Idiot Savant.

*snicker*

Now Glaedr's mental projections are making Eragon outright COLLAPSE?? In the middle of a dangerous situation?? Who thought that was a remotely good idea??
Oromis and Glaedr taking on Murtagh and Thorn in a fight to the death is WAY more (potentially) exciting than Eragon and co tediously wearing down some evil spellcasters' mana meters. Why aren't we focusing on that?

because Paolini has no idea how to write it.
granted, that hasn't stopped him before.

Eragon and Saphira should really have gone with Oromis and Glaedr. Together they could have squashed Murtagh like a fly, and given that Murtagh is the biggest threat other than the utterly passive Galbatorix, it's just plain nonsensical that they didn't do this.

but but but if Eragon ever leaves the Varden even for a moment, Galby will crush them all!

Wow, Galbatorix comes across as quite reasonable, while Oromis pouts and sneers at him like a five year old. Real mature.

Oromis and Glaedr both died, and I don't care. I had zero emotional reaction to this plot point. Why? Because I barely KNOW the two of them. I have only the vaguest impression of them as characters, and was never emotionally invested in them at all. So I don't care that they're dead. Plus I saw it coming from a mile away.

Paolini, "maroon eyes" are not intimidating. Say something evocative! Say the Shade has eyes the colour of blood or whatever!

Plus like you said, Galby actually has a good point in this scene, which just diminishes whatever shock we may have felt at Oromis's death even further.

How does Eragon know that Arya broke the Shade's wrist in three places??

Ah, the end-of-the-book miniboss.

The mental duel between Eragon and the Shade is SO clinically described.
And the nonsensical phrases are flying thick and fast. "Dithering wail"? "Bellies of his muscles"? The hell does that even mean?
Oh, never mind, the super dangerous Shade guy got killed in ten minutes flat. So much for that.

yep.
Bit of an anticlimax, really.
Paolini just doesn't know how to do conflict.

Oh, and when asked to explain to Nasuada about Oromis and Glaedr, Eragon feels the need to mention that his real father is Brom. How is this remotely relevant?
Nas says that figuring out how to separate Galbatorix from his Eldunarya must now be Eragon's main priority. Except I'm pretty sure he never actually does spend any time thinking about it in the next book.
How does Eragon know that the elves captured Gil'ead?

Because the author knows, and the author is Eragon.

Someone really needs to explain to Paolini what "third person limited" means.

Well, I'm finished.

Easily the most lifeless, boring, soulless book I have ever read. It won absolutely no emotional response from me other than boredom and mild irritation.

I read the entire thing thinking "stuff is happening and I don't care"

62 comments

[1]

torylltales
September 8 2016, 18:32:47
As has been said before, "stuff happens, then other stuff happens" is not a plot.

[1A]

theepistler
September 8 2016, 19:20:13
Nope. The stuff happening needs to be leading toward a specific goal or climax to be counted as actual plot advancement. Otherwise it's just fluff.

[2]

hergrim
September 8 2016, 20:07:02
I think it's possible, although not entirely likely, that calling Zar'roc "bright as a nail" was meant to be a tribute to Tad Williams' "Brightnail", from his series Memory, Sorrow and Thorn.

Probably, though, he just fails at poetic descriptions.

[2A]

torylltales
September 8 2016, 21:34:01

[Caption: 'Why not both?' meme, showing a little girl with this text.]

[2A1]

hergrim
September 9 2016, 03:22:32
Damn your logic and its room for dual causes!

[2B]

theepistler
September 8 2016, 21:37:32
Or maybe it was a reference to the sword Goldnail from Okami.

.
[Caption: Picture of Blight from Okami]

[2B1]

hergrim
September 9 2016, 03:23:54
I don't think so, but it's certainly an apt comparison.

[2B1A]

theepistler
September 9 2016, 08:32:06
I was just kidding. :p

[3]

Anonymous
September 9 2016, 05:45:04
This despite the fact that they have absolutely no reason so want to support the Varden.
Oh, and Eragon's solution to a guy openly disagreeing with him is to kill him in cold blood. Lovely.

Like I said, either you're with the Varden, or you must die.

This reminds me of the horror stories from communist Cuba, when anyone found openly disagreeing with Castro mysteriously vanished... Either way, I find it odd that CP's Varden behave more like an invasion of Mongols or Attila the Hun, sweeping the countryside, restocking from burned cities, as if the common folk had anything to do/say in the matters of empire. The logic here is like saying, you live in Russia, and Russia is communist, so because you live there and a baker, minding your own business... you gonna die, son!

Even Tolkien's LotRs, which oozes with black and white morality, still wasn't so heartless. In the appendixes, if memory serves, mentions what happens to the orcs and Easterlings post-RotK, and they were basically given land far from Middle-Earth and left alone... kinda like a post-WW2 Germany. Your power has been taken from you, we're going to regulate everything, but on the bright side, you get to live. I guess CP, in imitating Tolkien, must've missed that point entirely.

-RR

[3A]

Anonymous
September 9 2016, 06:08:38
Maybe he thought the Varden; being the Star wars rebels, were automatically good just because that, and hewas actually trying to get some “gray morality" or “realism" into the story.

It would hace worked so muchos better if he actually showed is any heroic traits before, por he tried to show the consequences of their actions.

Oh, wait ¡He did! Toó bad that un the fourth book Roran and the narration calles the people “thick-skulled" forma hating vándals that are depriving the of their essentials.

[3A1]

Anonymous
September 9 2016, 06:25:44
I never read past book two, or even finished book two, but as an outsider, these glimpses of what they're doing aren't the action of freedom fighters, but more the actions of opportunists, using whatever political excuse to forward their own agenda. Had this written by any other author, some tension could've been developed here, by having Eragon slowly realizing that the Varden power structure isn't there for the people and pulled off a coup, Game of Thrones-style.

-RR

[4]

Anonymous
September 9 2016, 05:49:00
Justo One question: when you say that you don't know the as characters ¿are you talking about history, personality por development?

And besides, when Oromis is talking with Galby I honestly thought that it was the only moment that Paolini was actually showing any emotion.
Showing that Orimis as angry and acting un en emotionally driven manner.
I wpuld not hace counted it as “inmature” despiste the fact that I agree with Galby un that scene

[4A]

theepistler
September 9 2016, 08:49:17
Pretty much all of the above. We learn virtually nothing about Oromis and Glaedr other than that they're really old and used to be on the Rider Council of Elders or whatever it was called. They're not given any quirky little character traits and rarely if ever show much in the way of emotion. They don't have any secret hopes or dreams, any personal goals that don't explicitly serve the plot, or hell, even any friends!
They're both completely one-dimensional. Oromis is wise and solemn, and that's literally it. Glaedr is... wise and surly, and that's it. They're a pair of cardboard cutouts.

[5]

Anonymous
September 9 2016, 05:58:28
Oh great, now he's pretending to care about the citizens of Feinster or whatever this city is called. Liar.
It IS a bastard sword. The book specifically says so.
And he usually does wield it one-handed.

then using one with a shield is absurd.
at least from my understanding. I'm sure Kris_Norge would be able to confirm or deny it with greater authority.

From my understanding, bastard sword are also known as "hand and a half" swords. I don't know the technical real life aspects, but I'm sure, just from a logical perspective, any weapon that requires both hands, that could possibly be wielded one-handed would require a). extensive training and b). massive forearm strength.

-RR

[5A]

theepistler
September 9 2016, 08:34:44 Edited: September 9 2016, 08:34:55
Yep, it's also described as a"hand and a half sword". A sword for all occasions! (That bit really annoyed me. What is this, an infomercial?)

[6]

Anonymous
September 9 2016, 06:09:38
Shut up, Angela. You are not funny. You're an annoying loudmouth.
Angela is never funny.
Quite frankly, she's just plain rude.

The real life Angela is no better. From the "Prince of Dragons" (*groan*) interview by Rolling Stone:
"Please remove your shoes," says Paolini's 26-year-old sister, Angela, with dramatic singsong inflection, as she meets me in a foyer that doubles as a home gym. Paolini's mother, Talita, a birdlike woman with a girlish voice and a sweet manner, makes a fluttery motion with her hand to indicate, "Oh, forget it, she can leave them on." But Angela, who is tough and no-nonsense, and acts as her brother's protector, insists: "We don't wear them in the house."

According to Paolini, he and Angela, a petite woman with intelligent dark eyes and a fantastic nest of dark, springy curls, have their own near-telepathic bond, not unlike Eragon and his dragon. Angela is the inspiration for one of Paolini's fictional characters, the quirky, feisty Angela the Herbalist, who plays a pivotal narrative role by telling Eragon his fortune, and is the most captivating character in the books. In one passage from Inheritance, Paolini writes that Angela the Herbalist's expression is "languid and insolent"; the description applies to the real Angela as well. She gives the discomfiting impression that she's mocking you, teasing you, flirting with you and sizing you up all at once.

Thanks for making the reporter feel "welcomed"....

-RR

[6A]

theepistler
September 9 2016, 08:38:57
Wow, she sounds completely insufferable.
Why the hell does a grown-ass man need his sister to "protect" him, anyway? What is she protecting him from? It's just... bizarre.

Also... "Prince of Dragons"? Really? *snicker* Another interview labelled him "Teenage Master of Monsters". It's so stupid.

[6A1]

paulp1993
September 10 2016, 05:05:25
Yeah, that's just... ugh. I can't believe the reporter went on to call her intelligent.

If she was being unintentionally rude, that just makes her stupid.

If she was trying to be fun and quirky like her literary alter ego... that just makes her stupid as well. Greeting the reporter that way was cringeworthy as hell.

How about being jovial and offering some brandy and a barbeque? That's what I'd have done, probably.

[6A1A]

theepistler
September 10 2016, 09:20:28
There are different kinds of intelligence, and if this little exchange is anything to go on, Angela has very low social intelligence. Anyone with a modicum of social intelligence would know that this is an incredibly rude way to greet a guest - and even more so when it's a professional occasion. She also sounds really arrogant. Like, REALLY arrogant. She's literally ordering the woman around!
What a bitch.

[6A1A1]

paulp1993
September 10 2016, 18:49:45 Edited: September 10 2016, 18:49:54
Epi, my social intelligence is so low it's right next to dinosaur bones. I'd still not act half as idiotic as that.

That behavior is the kind I usually see featured on The Cringe Channel, not Rolling Stone. :P

[6A1A1A]

theepistler
September 10 2016, 18:58:57
I have freaking Asperger's Syndrome and I still know that's not an okay thing to do. What's her excuse?

[6A1A1A1]

paulp1993
September 10 2016, 19:02:23
She's fun and quirky! Like her literary alter ego!

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go lie down for a while after that sarcasm overload.

[6A1A1A1A]

theepistler
September 10 2016, 19:47:47
Rudeness =/= Adorably quirky. Rudeness = Rudeness. There's no excuse. I don't even consider being on the autism spectrum to be an excuse. If you're rude, you're rude. Period.

[6A1A1A1A1]

Anonymous
September 10 2016, 23:01:10
Considering this is a Rolling Stone reporter, I'd want everyone to be on their best behavior. You piss off or annoy that reporter, you know they'll in turn write things in a negative way. I eel the way she was described was a subtle way for the reporter to say she was a bitch without saying it too bluntly.

The whole "protective" sister bit always struck me as weird. He's the older sibling, what's he need protection from? The horde of non-existing fans waiting to crash through the door? As Epi said, rude is rude. Way to be a gracious host.

-RR

[6A1A1A1A1A]

theepistler
September 11 2016, 10:53:50
I'm honestly surprised that Mummy didn't tell her off for being so impolite. I'm getting serious "spoilt brat" vibes here.

[6A1A1A1A1A1]

Anonymous
September 11 2016, 17:01:28
Evidence of that is scattered all over Pao's books that I don't blame his parents for not thinking of it.

[6A1A1A1A1B]

Anonymous
September 11 2016, 18:21:17
CP might be the older sibling but his younger sister sounds like the more dominant of them. I've seen families where the younger sibling is protective of the older one but this one is going a bit too far. Or perhaps that's just the reporter's way of saying that Angie was...disturbing(?).

Re. the shoes, I'd put a friendly sign beside the shoerack because I don't want footwear in my house. If I were living in my parents house and they were okay with footwear in the living room,and guests wear shoes to our house, then who am I to object. Not sure if the suggestion is okay as I consider myself quite a rude person.

"near-telepathic bonds, not unlike Eragon and his dragon
Rhetoric of the day: Does real life Angie speaks in randomly strung-up hyphenated phrases too?
[The quote above,and last sentence]
Ohohhh..the mindrape...Inheritance C.'s biggest secrets finally revealed.

[6A1A1A1B]

Anonymous
September 11 2016, 17:48:01
Everyone likes her too! Y'know she's wise n nice, like them Gandalfs and Jack Sparrows in one! Bow you mortals!

If anyone needs me, I'll be sitting in a galaxy far,far away from IC's logic continuum conundrum and sipping coffee while watching the sun rise.

There'll be chocolate chip cookies, and guaranteed, no raisins. Feel free to drop by.

[6B]

Anonymous
September 11 2016, 17:17:09
"...her brother's protector..."
Is it just my brain's hyperdrive, but does anyone find this and the whole dragonbook publishing affair relatable?

[6B1]

theepistler
September 11 2016, 17:31:56
Eh? Relatable how?

[6B1A]

Anonymous
September 11 2016, 21:29:01
Dunno if I've the right interpretation of things, but based on the above article & stuff we know 'bout the Paos, the whole family (besides CP,in this case) seems to be ordering CP about, trapping him in their cult and using his potential. His books read like he's desperate to break himself free and do something worthwhile, but due to his education, his views are sheltered and therefore in most circumstances, inaccurate, and most of the time, unintentionally offensive. Eragon was published as CP's parents wanted to show him that he HAS something special in him and following that, his dad tried to shut critics up because in CP's parents' view, their son is precocious and deserves public acknowledgement (despite proof pointing the other way aroud. Besides, exploiting CP's potential for income.). His sister feels obligated to protect the family's star from critics because of a) family obligation and b) income.

The article above, along with the whole dragonbook publication is just a fragment of the views of the Paos on life and interaction with people. From what we have seen so far, the Paos intended their children to be creative and "out-of-the-box", but by using their method, they've hindered their children(ok,CP) from having the intrinsic will and thinking skills required to achieve the very objective they intended their children to achieve.

In a nutshell, the whole publication affair is, in my view, a matter of great objective, misguided methods.

[6C]

Anonymous
September 11 2016, 17:34:31
Ah...[last sentence]

Ladies,gentlemen,boys and girls,whatever,today we have at last solved one of the deepest secrets of the universe.

With that in mind, let us give a toast to each other and feast upon mountains of roasted porkbelly(eh? Familiar much?), deep fried pizza, any pizza, hot chocolate, bacon (burgers/sandwiches/on its own, take your pick), potato crisps, chocolate cake, rootbeer, real beer, mojito, etc.

Let us celebrate the enlightment of mankind on this revolutionary day.

Ladies,gentlemen,etc, to a happy community.

*raises a 1.5L bottle of "shaken,not stirred"...rootbeer*

[6C1]

theepistler
September 11 2016, 17:37:48
Mmmm, pork belly...

Also, what in the heck are you talking about?

[6C1A]

Anonymous
September 11 2016, 20:26:43
Why, celebrating the "what"s and "what not"s to do in writing of course! And the fact we've discovered and broadcasted to the masses what quality writing is. Yup, sounds rather gibberish because I'm sleep drunk and just read another Pao.net article. And relieved myself by googling food. Was working on a couple of projects at a time so forgot to feed myself...or sleep. ;)

[6C1A1]

theepistler
September 11 2016, 20:28:26
Heehee. Awesome. I'll happily join the celebration and eat lots of sweet juicy pork belly! *om nom nom*

[6C1B]

Anonymous
September 11 2016, 21:46:48
Would you mind if I offer you a virtual generous side of roasted pork belly and beer for your efforts? Can't help you directly, but I can give you (online) moral support.

[7]

Anonymous
September 9 2016, 06:17:03
"Easily the most lifeless, boring, soulless book I have ever read." Oh my sweet summer child. "Inheritance" makes this look like Shakespeare.

[7A]

theepistler
September 9 2016, 09:00:06
Oh, come on - it couldn't possibly get any worse than this!

...it... it couldn't... could it...?

[7A1]

torylltales
September 9 2016, 16:20:37
To be fair, there's a lot more stuff happening in Inheritance. Still no real plot per se, but more stuff. Okay, so it's the same stuff with different window dressing, like a Scooby Doo running scene backdrop, but it's still something.

Inheritance summary: The Varden beseiges a city. The Varden takes the city. The Varden sacks, loots, and sets fire to the city. Repeat. Then mix in a few pages from David Eddings' Magician's Gambit at the end.

[8]

Anonymous
September 9 2016, 15:00:07
This might have nothing to do with the above post but you guys might want to check this one out:

https:‌//www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZRgymzAXr0

Especially 1:56 and 2:15. Oh mygad.

Btw, theepistler, great article. I've read your articles and they explained exactly why I could not get into the Inheritance Cycle despite their popularity. Pardon me for backtrolling but I heard that you've been harassed online. I feel sorry for you and I will always support you even if I'm not part of this wonderful community. To all the folks at Antishurtugal, keep up the good work! Your insights have been useful guidelines of what to do and what not to do as a writer (and as a person on the whole).

[8A]

torylltales
September 9 2016, 16:21:32
Nicest Anon we've had for a long time. Thanks, Anon!

[8B]

theepistler
September 9 2016, 18:40:25
I'm afraid I simply could not bring myself to watch the video. The comments alone were enough to make me cringe. Tolkien is "tired" and "cliched"? Seriously? LoTR fucking invented half of those "cliches" you're complaining about, you idiot.

Aw, thankyou so much! :) Pretty much the only reason why I stick around here (other than the awesome fellow posters of course) is that there's so much good writing advice to be had. We're not just here to bash the Cycle; we're here to share our thoughts about writing. I'm honestly glad that the Inheritance (Re)Cycle is a thing, because it's led to me meeting so many awesome people and learning so much about writing.

Yes, it's true, I was harassed in the past. By Paolini's Dad. The guy cyber-stalked me and tried to blackmail me into shutting up (unfortunately he succeeded. For a while). It was awful. He also almost certainly doxxed the webmistress of the original AS webpage. Who was a minor at the time, might I add. I have the original text of the threatening post he (or someone equally obsessed with silencing critics) wrote, as a matter of fact. Thankfully, these days he leaves critics alone (I have a strong suspicion that someone threatened to sue the bastard). It's gotten to the point where no-one likes the Cycle enough to really care what people are saying about it. Actually these days there are probably more critics discussing the silly thing than fans.

[8B1]

paulp1993
September 9 2016, 19:27:47
You can take the Ken out of the Cult, but not the Cult out of the Ken. The degree to which he shelters his son (who's pushing forty as I recall) is scary on more levels than a haunted elevator. :P

Also, when's your review coming up? I'd love to read it.

[8B1A]

theepistler
September 9 2016, 19:31:15
You're telling me! Poor bloody kid grown man.

I'll probably post it tomorrow. :) I figured I should give everyone time to read the commentary first.

[8B2]

Anonymous
September 10 2016, 12:52:08

Same anon here

[1st paragraph]

This is mainly why the Inheritance (Reduce,Reuse,Re) Cycle gained fame
Bad joke: It's not *green* as it is, is it?

[8B2A]

theepistler
September 10 2016, 15:05:27
*snicker* You're awful.

[8B2A1]

Anonymous
September 11 2016, 16:57:31
Thanks. I appreciate that. ;)

[8B2A1A]

theepistler
September 11 2016, 17:04:53
You're welcome. :D

[8B3]

Anonymous
September 11 2016, 18:34:40
*spoiler* @theepistler...and y'all

The video is basically about CP submitting his manuscript to his editor. Hmm...let's see, CP talking 'bout the bricks,books he's written,didn't pay attention to that,he tries to stuff the brick into his suitcase (Guys, AP! We must get that suitcase! It's really useful for a long vacation! And it's the only thing CP has done successfully so far, so he should treasure that for eons long). Brick is in, and manuscript is out, yaaawn, editor got excited, said Ohmahygawd,meh, they hugged, and at that point I clicked the "back" button and typed "Antishurtugal" in the search bar. Works beautifully.

[8B3A]

theepistler
September 11 2016, 18:46:57
...seriously? Urgh.
When I submit a manuscript it's about as exciting as sending an email. Because that's exactly what I do - attach the ms to an email and click "send". Why would you submit an ms in hard copy anyway? Editing is done electronically. Gah this makes no sense!

[8B3A1]

Anonymous
September 11 2016, 21:37:47
They even discussed the hardcopy manuscript, but I think that's in a separate video. Still, it's...balderdash (just saw this word online,sounds kinda right for this situation)

I've heard that major publishing houses don't receive hard copy, unsolicited manuscripts. Not sure what's up with this one.

Ah, a question for you,epi (is it okay to call you that?). When sending attachments >25MB, you've to do that via Google Drive. So dyou use G.Drive to submit the ms too?

[8B3A1A]

theepistler
September 12 2016, 07:35:03
Heh, balderdash is an awesome word.

Some publishers are prepared to accept unsolicited manuscripts, but these go onto the "slush pile" and go unread for months at a time. Even then they're usually given a brief glance and then thrown in the bin. Half the time they don't bother to read past the first page. The usual advice is don't send the entire manuscript - send a proposal letter describing your book and why it is awesome, along with a synopsis and the first chapter.

Sure, you can call me Epi[pen] if ya like! As for your other question, it's never come up. Your average Word document manuscript is very rarely any bigger than 2MB.

[8B3A1A1]

Anonymous
September 12 2016, 12:48:45
Epipen? Hmm...apt indeed.

[8B3A1A1A]

theepistler
September 12 2016, 17:36:08
Because I save people from anaphylactic shock! Or something.

[8B3A1A1A1]

Anonymous
September 12 2016, 22:23:14
You can safely assume that you saved everyone from the Brisingr Boredom Bonanza. :)

[8B3A1A1A1A]

theepistler
September 13 2016, 07:00:28
*sweeps off hat* It was the least I could do, Ma'am/Good Sir! You know what they say about not all heroes wearing capes. Though in fact, I am wearing a cape at the moment.

Well okay, maybe it's a dressing gown and Pikachu slippers. Close enough.

[9]

Anonymous
September 12 2016, 16:53:13
Ah...about Brisingr (the sword,not the book), try googling "thermite reaction" and watch the video. It awes me how Eragon's hand didn't burn while weilding the sword. Um...perhaps the rules of science didn't apply in Algae-sia?

[9A]

theepistler
September 12 2016, 17:37:40
Maaagic fire. It's maaagic fire. Oh wait, Paolini said it wasn't magic or something. *throws up hands*

*looks up "thermite reaction"*

Oh my...

[9A1]

Anonymous
September 12 2016, 20:25:00
Re. Brisingr Black brick, I was thinking of this reaction between sulphuric acid and sugar(hella lots of them of course) in a laaarge beaker and there was hella lots of black precipitate pushing out the beaker,just like a dragon. You should check it out. It's fun to watch.

[9A2]

Anonymous
September 12 2016, 22:02:39
The Brisingr book cover was black? We only have it in red here. Didn't know there was an UberBlack cover of Brisingr.

[9A2A]

theepistler
September 13 2016, 06:58:42
The cover we got was black 'n' gold - Eldest was the red one over here.

[9A2A1]

Anonymous
September 13 2016, 09:53:15
That's a...thing? Ew.


Original repost:


pangolin20 posting in as_sporkive, February 6th, 2026 08:01 AM