Inheritance Group Spork: Introduction and Chapter One

[pangolin20]

Rorschach wrote in antishurtugal, 2011-11-11 22:50:00

The Official Inheritance Spork, Part One

(As a question to my fellow sporkers, who will be joining me in this journey to chronicle the epic badness that is Inheritance....are there any objections to me collecting the sporkings and posting them (properly attributed, of course) on my website, Conjugal Felicity?)

In the Beginning, and Chapter One

A mere eight years after the first book was published, the Inheritance “Cycle” finally draws to a close, leaving us all to wonder where we would be if we had never been blessed with Paolini’s terrible, terrible writing.

I certainly wouldn’t be here, or know any of you, and so for that reason, I have to thank Christopher Paolini. He’s made the world a better place for many of us. That said, it’s not going to stop me from tearing this book to shreds, because by god, it deserves to be torn.


The book begins with a recap of the first three books, which is a good thing because even though I didn’t read Brisingr all that long ago, I don’t remember anything that happened in it. I actually appreciate Paolini putting this recap in here, especially when I learn that the reason I don’t remember what happened in Brisingr was because nothing happened. Seriously, here’s an exhaustive list of the important events that happened in Brisingr:
1. Eragon gets a sword.
2. Oromis and Glaedr buy the farm.
And you can certainly debate whether or not #1 is actually important. I am on the side that says it’s not, because Paolini could have accomplished the same thing with a single paragraph where a watery tart lobs a scimitar out of a lake and Eragon catches it, rather than spending 600 pages of Eragon angsting about not having a sword and then another fifty pages or so of him actually making one.

It doesn’t help that this recap is atrociously written, relying far, far too heavily on the words “and” and “then”. It reads a lot like one of those chapters in the Old Testament that tediously lists pages and pages of history without paying any attention to varying word choices.

Paolini rambles through the backstory from before Eragon, through Eragon itself. We get brilliant sentences like these:

And in his pain, he heard a voice. And the voice said, Come to me, Eragon. Come to me, for I have answers to all you ask (page xiv).

Actually, no he didn’t. You know how I know this? I have a copy of Eragon. Oromis only says ‘Come to me’ once. This might seem like a little nitpicky, but this story is being related by an omniscient narrator, Paolini himself. How hard is it to be accurate?

Pretty hard, apparently:

Soon thereafter, Galbatorix sent a great army of Urgals to attack the dwarves and the Varden (page xiv)

Conveniently glossing over the fact that the only reason the Urgals knew how to get inside the mountain was because Eragon and Murtagh led them there.

Or how about this:

After much thought, Eragon discovered Sloan’s true name in the ancient language, the language of power and magic (page xvi).

After much thought, huh? Sounds like it was very difficult for him. Except, oh wait, it wasn’t:

Eragon took that collection of scattered, fragmented insights and turned them over in his mind, pondering their significance. Like the pieces of a puzzle, he tried to fit them together. He rarely succeeded, but he persisted, and gradually he traced a myriad of connections between the events and emotions of Sloan’s life…
[snip]
There occurred to him, then, three words in the ancient language that seemed to embody Sloan, and without thinking about it, Eragon whispered the words under his breath (Brisingr, page 79).

Yeah. Maybe twenty minutes of thinking it over, if that, and Sloan’s true name just occurs to him. More importantly, he gets it right on the first try. Sorry, Paolini. You cannot retcon your own books.
Chapter One - Into the Breach
The Varden, along with Eragon and Saphira, are attempting to capture a city called Belatona. Eragon leaps down over some rubble with Saphira trailing behind, but as he lands he twists his ankle and falls down, so one of the soldiers decides to run out and try to spear Eragon in the throat, which is a brilliant idea, considering there’s an enormous, fire-breathing dragon standing right behind him.

Eragon parried the thrust with a flick of his wrist, swinging Brisingr faster than either a human or an elf could follow (page 2).

But of course. True, elves can move at superhuman speeds, but Eragon is just so special that even elves can’t follow his sword.

Arya follows him down, her black hair billowing. I’m not really an expert on long hair, but it seems logical that during a battle she might want to tie it back so it doesn’t get in her eyes during the fight. Arya, like most vegetarians, is wearing leather. Eragon smiles at her, and think that she makes a perfect shield mate, although he doesn’t think about why. Probably because she’s pretty. And wears leather.

They fight and slaughter most of the soldiers in a brutally violent way, leaving a group of soldiers clustered together that Saphira can’t burn alive, probably because they’re magically protected. So Eragon runs up and hacks the men to pieces. There are archers up above firing arrows at them, but they either miss or bounce off their magical wards. And that’s one of the main complaints I have about this magic system. It renders our heroes essentially invincible. I have absolutely no fear that any of them are going to die.

Eragon picks up a spear and chucks it at the archers, missing them entirely. They all laugh and make obscene gestures, which sounds like a good use of their time, rather than shooting arrows at him or the other soldiers. Arya then pings up a spear and throws it, impaling two men who are standing close together. Actually, unless one is standing right behind the other I’m pretty sure that’s physically impossible, and if one was standing behind the other, why not just say that? Arya then shouts “Brisingr!” and the spear bursts into flame.

“That’s not fair,” Eragon said. “I can’t use that spell, not without my sword flaring up like a bonfire.” (page 5)

Let’s digress for a moment and talk about this. Nitpicky? Certainly, but Christopher Paolini is a former child prodigy and his writing should be better than this.

First…seriously, Eragon? You’re one of the most powerful people in the entire known world, you have a pet dragon that grants you incredibly powerful magical abilities, you’re one of the best fighters in the world, and due to an incident with some naked tattooed elvish lesbian tarts, you have superhuman speed, elvish reflexes, and you’re ridiculously good-looking. And let’s not forget that in the last book you got an incredibly powerful magical sword that’s more powerful than pretty much any sword in existence. And you’re bitching about the fact that it’s not fair that you can’t use a single spell when you have DOZENS of them available? Which is your own damn fault because you named your sword that?

Not to mention that there is nothing preventing Eragon from using the spell anyway, because all it takes is another quick and easy spell to put the sword out.

Not to mention that there are other ways Eragon can set things on fire using different magical words.

And finally, they’re in a war zone. Arrows are flying at them, there are enemies everywhere, and Eragon stops to look at Arya and complain about the spell. Shouldn’t there be more pressing things to be thinking about?

Anyway. I apologize, let’s move on.

Roran busts in and is killing people as well. The attack continues. Suddenly an inner door opens up and a rider comes out holding a spear that glows with magic and stuff. Eragon has a sickening realization that Saphira is in mortal danger. OH NOES!

All the elvish magicians start chanting and intoning magic, which makes a rift open up and the horse falls in and breaks its front legs, but as that happens the man throws the spear at Saphira which sinks a yard into her chest. Holy shit! Did Paolini just kill Saphira?

I mean, that would be AWESOME. Not just because Saphira sucks as a character, but what an incredible way to begin the final book. Eragon is already completely screwed in any battle against Galbatorix, and now, suddenly take away his pet dragon and the source of nearly all his power? And he still has to try and defeat Galby through sheer ingenuity? That would take some balls, and would be flat-out amazing, and if that happens, my respect for Paolini would triple.

I have a feeling we’re going to be disappointed.

Everyone runs up to Saphira. Luckily, despite going in an entire yard, the spear missed everything important. All the elvish spell casters start singing and chanting and the spear slowly slides out and falls to the floor and BAM! Saphira is healed, without any negative long-lasting side effects and this will never trouble her again. Which is a good thing, because lasting effects aren’t fun, and Saphira is one of the heroes!

Arya and Blodhgarm study the spear. Eragon asks if it’s Galby’s handiwork, and wonders if he finally wants to kill Eragon.

Blodhgarm smiled an unpleasant smile. “I would not deceive myself with such fantasies, Shadeslayer. We are truly no more than a minor annoyance to Galbatorix. If ever he truly wanted you or any of us dead, he only needs to fly forth from Uru-baen and engage us directly in battle, and we would fall before him like dry leaves before a winter storm.” (page 10)

Which of course raises the question, why doesn’t Galby just…I dunno, do that? What precisely is stopping him? I assume he has an interest in maintaining control over his lands, so why does he just fly out, smack down the Varden, and return home to drink wine and cavort with slave girls in Princess Leia costumes?

That also raises the question, which is nearly as important…precisely how is Eragon going to defeat this guy? Galbatorix is ridiculously powerful. Worse, he has no real weaknesses. There isn’t the One Ring that, if thrown into Mount Doom, will kill him. There are no chinks in his armor. The only real ways that Good will prevail (and we all know it will) is some ridiculous out of left field deus ex machina, or some ridiculous trick that is completely nonsensical.

Anyway. They look at the spear. Arya says it’s important:

“Of all the instruments of war scattered through Alagaesia, this is the one Galbatorix would least want us to have.” (page 10)

You know, that line sounds very familiar….to a line from Lord of the Rings, talking about the Palantir.

“I guess that, even if we had entered in, we could have found few treasures in Orthanc more precious than the thing which Wormtongue threw down at us.” (page 571)

Yep. Turns out this spear is a Dauthdaert, an incredibly powerful spear that was made by the elves back in the day, specifically for killing dragons. Only a limited number were made using long-forgotten incantations, and they were all thought to have been lost, but apparently they weren’t. Wow. Sounding more and more like a Palantir to me. Anyway, it’s very likely that regardless of whatever magical enchantments Galby has placed around his dragon Shruikan, the Dauthdaert will pass right through them.

I think we may have just found the problem to our unbeatable King Galbatorix.

There’s a horrible squealing sound, cracks appear in the keep, and it slowly starts to collapse. Eragon looks at sees Roran standing beneath an archway, where he’s certain to be crushed. Their eyes meet. Roran smiles wryly. It’s very dramatic. And then the wall crumbles and the chapter ends. Cliffhanger!

Bet you fifty bucks Roran is still alive.

66 comments

[1]

torylltales
November 12 2011, 07:40:51 UTC
1: I think we should share and post this spork in as many places as possible. I'd like to see it on Impish Idea as well, but I'm not sure they'd appreciate the sustained flood.

2: This chapter is a really bad way to start a book. Way to cement our shining heroes as ruthless terrorists willing to burn down an entire city because they don't want the possibility of being outflanked (by civilians?) on their regicidal warpath. Neat.

3: I love the idea of Eragon losing all his power, and having to depend on his human abilities and alliances, but not quite as much as Eragon realising that, hey, Galbatorix isn't the bad guy here. Unfortunately, as this is Paolini we're talking about, I felt no concern at all that Saphira would be killed or permanently disabled in any meaningful way.

4: Arya then pings up a spear and throws it, impaling two men who are standing close together...Arya then shouts “Brisingr!” and the spear bursts into flame.

That reminds me eerily of the scene in Pirates of the Caribbean when Will impales three pirate skeletons on a spear, sticks a lit bomb in the middle one's ribcage, and then kicks them into the shadows so he can't get it out.

And the Deathdart (because Dauthdaert is just silly) is obviously going to be an important plot device later on. Or, knowing Paolini, we will never see it again.

[2]

distinctvaguens
November 12 2011, 08:44:42 UTC
Very good spork you have there. Nice overall summary and select quotes to highlight flaws with a snappy write up. Thanks for getting the official spork started. I currently have my own video series running on Youtube. I have most of the videos linked in this community. I don't mind if you link to mine.

[3]

feistyfitz
November 12 2011, 08:45:30 UTC
New member here guys, so can you please tell me what "sporking" is? Sorry, am a previous fan of the "inherited from other books" cycle.

Did you also notice as well, when suddenly Eragon and Arya stop and smile at each other, amidst all the bloodshed? Creepy much? What happened to Eragons moral crisis about killing people in Brisingr?

I actually like Saphira, but having read this book, we can see that there is no character development of her. She was practically reducted to Eragons pet.

Later on in the book, Eragon lights a lamp with a different spell, to stop his sword "flaring up like a bonfire".

The Deathdart is completely stupid, and appears out of nowhere. Plot hole anyone?

[3A]

feistyfitz
November 12 2011, 08:46:06 UTC
*reduced

[3B]

torylltales
November 12 2011, 09:23:14 UTC
Hi, feistyfitz! A 'spork' or sporking' is basically a critical review that is one part critical discussion and one part sarcastic wit. The name is based on the metaphor of the spork, the popular spoon-fork hybrid. Metaphorically, the spoon represents a sporker's ability to dig to the deep critical issues of a story or film (alternatively, their desire to gouge their eyes out after having read it), and the fork represents their sharp wit and cutting humour (alternatively, the desire to stab themselves in the eye with a fork after having endured the work).

Saphira has never been anything more than Eragon's pet, except for a few brief moments of individuality. I can hardly see how she might be reduced from where she is.

[3B1]

feistyfitz
November 12 2011, 09:46:31 UTC
Ah, thank you! Haha.

I thought she was really coming into her own in Brisingr though! Guess I was wrong...

[4]

james_padfoot
November 12 2011, 09:17:56 UTC
Thank you for this! Loved it. Keep it coming, and may your courage prevail.

[4A]

lady_licht
November 12 2011, 13:11:51 UTC
I'm lazy today. So I'll just second this. ;D

[5]

angel_renoir
November 12 2011, 09:38:54 UTC
I still don't see why Eragon is whining about his sword bursting into flames. Wouldn't that be cool and, you know, useful in battles? Enemies who value their life would try to run from the fire and the fiery blade can still be used to cut through stuff. Unless, that is, the fire causes the sword to be unwieldable? Didn't read Brisingr and has no bloody idea what the sword does.

And... Is that spear called Deathdart? :O Reminds me of how a friend of mine would anagram words, and maybe add or change a letter or two, to make names and "foreign languages". Laaaazyyyyyy~

[5A]


torylltales
November 12 2011, 10:00:11 UTC
And... Is that spear called Deathdart? :O Reminds me of how a friend of mine would anagram words, and maybe add or change a letter or two, to make names and "foreign languages". Laaaazyyyyyy~

Hey, I used to do that! ... When I was 9. :P

And I also don't see the problem. Eragon's sword is a magically-enhanced supermetal, literally unbreakable and definitely fireproof, and Eragon demonstrated at least once in Brisingr that he can wield it while it is on fire. So, the sword's not going to be harmed, Eragon is still capable of using it while it's aflame, and it's a highly effective intimidation tactic. Why wouldn't he use it?

[5A1]

feistyfitz
November 12 2011, 11:10:02 UTC
I wondered this myself torylltales. Its kind of inconsistent of Eragons character..... he likes to show off no?

I thought angelas monomolecular sword was ten times cooler than eragons sword..... why couldn't he get one of those? And where have i seen a monomolecular sword before??? Someone please tell me, it's been driving me up the wall.

[5A1A]

predak123
November 12 2011, 12:15:20 UTC
Monoswords are actually not an uncommon trope. I've seen them used in a sci fi novel, along with a couple roleplaying systems.

TV tropes might help you out. ;)

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AbsurdlySharpBlade
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SharpenedToASingleAtom

[5A1B]

trickybunny
November 12 2011, 17:13:04 UTC
Monomolecular swords and blades are popular enough to have a page on TVTropes.

[5A1C]

torylltales
November 12 2011, 21:19:44 UTC
There are some mesoamerican flint weapons that had monomolecular edges. Problem is, it makes them brittle as eggshells, and practically useless against anything denser than cheese. As soon as it hits, say, a wooden or metal shield, the edge will be ruined. Unless it's made magically unbreakable, of course.

[5A2]
Deleted comment

[5A2A]

lady_licht
November 12 2011, 13:21:06 UTC
I still firmly believe during writing Eragon/Roran is when Paolini's dark side surfaces. Everyone keeps telling what a nice guy he is and how he's a little geeky, but perfectly friendly and polite and all that... He has to play out his dark side somewhere. XD

[5A2A1]

mage_apprentice
November 12 2011, 17:36:33 UTC
He could do that by writing about villains instead of his heroes. I do that in my fanfiction with a villainous character who likes to insult people with no regard to their feelings. I even turn it up to eleven sometimes to make the character look worse, especially in battle. In the last battle, I made my villain use a protagonist as a literal human shield, nearly burn someone's face off, and toss someone off a large height. Why can't Paolini do something that with his villains? Is it because he doesn't give them proper screen time?

[6]

leafbreeze
November 12 2011, 15:33:29 UTC
All the elvish magicians start chanting and intoning magic, which makes a rift open up and the horse falls in and breaks its front legs, but as that happens the man throws the spear at Saphira which sinks a yard into her chest.

Wouldn't it be easier to, I don't know, just kill the guy? Or are the elves just determined to kill in the most gruesome way possible, instead of the most effective?

Also, how on Earth does Saphira not have some major internal damage from this spear sinking a yard into her freaking chest?

[7]

distinctvaguens
November 12 2011, 16:48:13 UTC
Wow something else I just realized. After they pulled out the spear in Chapter 1 there was NO mention of her even being injured. It was like it never happened. Paolini could have had her poisoned, weakened, heck even killed by it and we could have been thrown into a compelling and tense story about what Eragon has to do next. (Heck maybe even have it affect both of them because of their supposed bond) But, as always, nothing sticks, we just wander between random scenes with no tension or any real threats.

[7A]

feistyfitz
November 12 2011, 16:51:43 UTC
Agreed. In a real epic series, there has to be at least a couple of massive struggles where you're not sure who'll get out alive. In this series everyone's just a little too safe.

[7A1]

swankivy
November 13 2011, 17:01:39 UTC
Yep. I refer to this as Protagonist Powers. I have quite a rant about this in the essay I am writing--about under what circumstances characters like Eragon, Saphira, and Roran can actually be killed in books like this, and why no one is actually fooled (or worried) when they end up in harm's way through stuff like a wall falling on them.

[7A2]

charlottehywd
November 15 2011, 18:34:28 UTC
I agree. It's pretty clear that the protective bubble of author love will keep any of these people from suffering major injury or loss.

[7B]

ana0119
November 12 2011, 18:09:52 UTC
For a "dragon killing spear," it's not very effective at killing dragons. You'd think there would be some anti-dragon bonuses on the thing, but no....

For another injury that amounts to nothing, what happened to Eragon's sprained ankle?

[7B1]

feistyfitz
November 12 2011, 19:41:19 UTC
Totally missed that! It's never mentioned after that haha

[7C]

swankivy
November 13 2011, 16:54:32 UTC
I wrote about this in my essay. I was like, okay, if a spear exists that was DESIGNED TO KILL DRAGONS and she got hit with it successfully, why is it that it, uh, did a really crappy job of killing her?

[7C1]

charlottehywd
November 15 2011, 00:37:20 UTC
Because she is special? *sigh*

[7C1A]

swankivy
November 16 2011, 23:34:43 UTC
Yeah. I'm not convinced. It's like, yeah she was healed by elves, but if this dragon-killing weapon was FORGED by elves, I don't understand why it didn't have guards against being healed from such wounds. Surely a weapon of such infamy shouldn't be so easy to defeat if it actually HITS ITS MARK.

[7C1A1]

charlottehywd
November 17 2011, 02:47:19 UTC
Too bad. I think that it would have made for a very interesting story to have Eragon be forced to cope with Saphira's loss for the rest of the novel. Perhaps it even would have made him less of a sociopath?

[7C1A1A]

swankivy
November 17 2011, 02:48:52 UTC
Or made him CRAAAAZZZYY like Galbatorix and then they could face off hitting each other with wet noodles!

[8]

unboxed_project
November 12 2011, 17:02:23 UTC
Eragon smiles at her, and think that she makes a perfect human shield mate.

THERE I FIXED IT!

I'm happy to see the beginning of the Spork To End All Sporks. (STEAS?) The magic dragon-killing spear of magic dragon-killing made the phrase "handy dandy spear," pop into my head. Which meant the rest of this read as some unholy Inheritance/Blues Clues crossover. Decent entertainment, I think. If anyone can take down Galbatorix, it's Steve and that freaky pop-eyed mailbox.

Thanks for getting this rolling!

[8A]

cavuy
November 13 2011, 05:26:54 UTC
If there was any clue to defeating Galbatorix, you can be sure Steve and Blue would be able to find it. And then write it down in their handy dandy notebook.

[9]

mage_apprentice
November 12 2011, 17:28:06 UTC
"Oromis and Glaedr buy the farm."
I don't remember that happening! And I read Brisingr recently!

"but it seems logical that during a battle she might want to tie it back so it doesn’t get in her eyes during the fight."
She'd want it cut in case someone decides to grab it and use it to pull her close so he can stab her. There's a reason (albeit more minor than life-threatening) why some women with babies get their hair cut.

This is just a disappointing chapter overall. A threat to main protagonists? Phht. Not gonna happen, not unless Paolini actually writes it as if someone was going to die after a long hard battle.

By the way, how do people do italics, color fonts, bolding, and strikes (the lines through the words)? I still can't figure it out.

[9A]

torylltales
November 12 2011, 21:34:40 UTC
"buying the farm" is a euphemism for death.

In Livejournal, use HTML to get font effects. <*b> bold , <*i> italic , <*u> underline <*/u>, and so on (without the asterisks). There are basic tutorials all over the place, just google HTML formatting.

[9A1]

mage_apprentice
November 12 2011, 21:42:19 UTC
Oh. Now I see.

Like this?

[9A1A]

torylltales
November 12 2011, 22:13:51 UTC
Yes, just like that.

This gives you a good introduction to which HTML tags can be used in Livejournal.

[10]

white_wolf03
November 12 2011, 18:04:55 UTC
So the elves cast spells by singing now? Does this mean more poetry?

[10A]

lady_licht
November 12 2011, 20:29:05 UTC
As long as it doesn't result in an Inheritance CD.

[10A1]

white_wolf03
November 12 2011, 20:52:56 UTC
Shh! You'll give them ideas!

[10A1A]

lady_licht
November 12 2011, 20:54:33 UTC
O_O
You're right! Nooooooooo! XD

[10A2]

swankivy
November 13 2011, 16:59:59 UTC
. . . Of dwarf opera.

[10A3]

charlottehywd
November 15 2011, 00:39:27 UTC
Why do I think that it will feature Enya?

[10B]

sanrock
November 13 2011, 00:35:53 UTC
No, it means D&D elven bards. Make that EPIC LEVEL ELVEN BARDS WITH PLUS 100 TO EVERYTHING AND THE GM HAS BEEN DRUGGED!

[10C]

swankivy
November 13 2011, 16:59:35 UTC
I was annoyed by that too--wrote about it in my essay (which I will release sometime after I finish the damn book!) and yeah, since when do they have to SING to heal? Eragon never sang when he healed. I postulated that Paolini wrote this because elves should be elfy and sing.

[11]

maegwin_of_hern
November 12 2011, 18:05:47 UTC
Very good spork, thank you! And I agree with all your points of criticism. BTW, why does Roran smile if he's about to be crushed by an archway? I mean, if not even the heroes are afraid that they might die, why should the readers be?

[11A]

feistyfitz
November 12 2011, 19:42:59 UTC
No it was a "wry" smile. Very different haha.

[11A1]

maegwin_of_hern
November 13 2011, 06:42:55 UTC
*checks dictionary* Oh, I see. Sorry, I'm not a native English speaker.

[11A1A]

feistyfitz
November 13 2011, 08:04:23 UTC
Don't worry about it! It's how you learn ;)

[11A1A1]

distinctvaguens
November 14 2011, 16:54:52 UTC
Either way I instantly knew he wasn't going to die at that smile regardless of what adjective was used. Beyond the fact killing Roran off like that would be too random for Paolini.

[12]

ana0119
November 12 2011, 18:12:23 UTC
You know, I'm probably the only one here who thinks the running joke with Brisingr actually at least has the potential to be funny.

In the black brick, as long as I didn't read Paolini's prose and just imagined it to myself, I found everyone asking about the name of Eragon's sword and him being unable to reply (or replying and having it catch on fire) to be kind of funny. Then everyone would chew him out about warning them or something.

Maybe I'm just more used to that kind of humor.

[12A]

predak123
November 12 2011, 20:38:15 UTC
You're in good company, friend. ;)

[12B]

darth_gojira
November 12 2011, 21:12:48 UTC
Yeah, but knowing PaoPao, I wouldn't count on him executing it well. He does come up with good ideas, but has no idea how to write them

[12B1]

ana0119
November 12 2011, 21:15:12 UTC
T-that is very true. But it's actually really hard to write humor. You have to set the tone just right. I always have trouble with it when I write responses in kink memes.

[12C]

lyenisie
November 13 2011, 15:05:32 UTC
I read "the potential to be furry". And well, it was.

[13]

darth_gojira
November 12 2011, 21:12:11 UTC
Looks like typical stupidity as usual.

[14]

distinctvaguens
November 12 2011, 22:22:46 UTC
Did we mentioned having a tag being assigned to the official sporks for inheritance? Also do we want to include at the bottom of each chapter a schedule of sorts for the upcoming chapters with dates and names to help remind people when its going to be their turn?

[14A]

torylltales
November 12 2011, 22:46:19 UTC
I've checked, and without an active moderator we can't add new tags. Nobody wants to own up to being a moderator, but I'm sure we have one somewhere...

I think tagging them "anti_shirtugal", "inheritance" and "paolini" should be enough to find it.

I think a schedule of the next three or so chapters would be great, that way nobody should be caught by surprise when it's their turn.

[15]

jair_greycoat
November 13 2011, 00:31:50 UTC
This is all-around an excellent spork.

I would like to make a point regarding the dauthdaertya (apparently that’s plural for dauthdaert).

So these weapons were forged to kill dragons? They were imbued with spells capable of piercing wards no matter how many or how great? So the elves made them at the last parts of the elf-and-dragon war in order to defeat the dragons once and for all? And since so much work and craftsmanship went into these weapons that only twelve were made. . . .

Then why were these weapons not also imbued with poisoning magic? Why were spells not also made to enable them to guide themselves to their targets like heat-seeking missiles? Why were they not even given their own self-propulsion systems and sent to hunt dragons on their own, using the energy of their surroundings (we know it is possible within the rules of Paolini’s magic system, as much as it can be said to have rules). Any one of these additional abilities is easier to implement that giving them ward-piercing ability.

Don’t arm a tank with a cannon without also giving it armor, explosive shells, and an engine.

Paolini’s elves are dumb and Paolini’s worldbuilding is a failure possibly on this one point alone, unless he comes up with a really good reason why this shouldn’t be so. But I doubt he can—not and avoid contradicting something else he’s said.

Rage over.

[16]

jair_greycoat
November 13 2011, 00:55:28 UTC
Something I forgot to say: I’m okay with you putting links to any sporks that I may write, on your website, if you want. The actual text, though, I would prefer to have remain on Antishurtugal.

My reason is because I would prefer not to be associated with the, erm. . . awkwardness. . . of your site’s name. Regardless of what it’s actually supposed to mean.

[17]

watersheerie
November 13 2011, 01:42:24 UTC
And so it begins...and I see the Furry is still there. Why did CP add a furry character? Seriously, what was going on through his mind when he made up the furry?

Thank you for starting this collective-spork with this wonderful entry ::applause::

[18]

lyenisie
November 13 2011, 15:13:22 UTC
...Okay. So. I just have two questions.

WHY did Arya shout "Brisingr", if not for simple cruelty? I mean, the moment the guards were impaled together, they were already dead, since it seemed the Vardens won't take care of them. Why? It's just the "Kaboom" effect, I think Paopao just saw a gunfight movie before "writing" those lines. And also to tell the reader "Oh hey Eragon cannot say Brisingr anymore". As if it was a CAPITAL thing.
If this... deathdart (I would never have imagined something that stupid, thanks to angel_renoir) is such an important weapon, why did Galbatorix gave it to some redshirt in We-dont-know-where? It's so ridiculous I can't even find the words. Damn.

[19]

swankivy
November 13 2011, 16:57:27 UTC
Cool. :) In the essay I'm writing, regarding the "omg no fair I can't use that spell anymore" thing, I wrote something very similar to what you said--essentially 1. uh there are other words for "fire" in the Ancient Language you could have used which would not put your sword into flames; 2. who cares if your sword bursts into flames?; and 3. isn't the fact that it is a very silly flaming sword your own damn fault anyway? Incidentally, my explanation for #2 here is that he wanted Eragon to say something in chapter 1 which reminds old readers and tells possibly new ones who started with this book that his stupid sword does in fact burst into flames when he says that word even if he isn't trying to cast that spell.

[19A]

charlottehywd
November 15 2011, 18:38:44 UTC
To me, what it really sounds like is some form of "man, it sucks, being so awesome!" Nobody pities you, Eragon. Really.

[20]

cecamire
November 14 2011, 06:41:33 UTC
*Late*, but Blodhgarm smiled an unpleasant smile. made me lol so much. Then I flashbacked to Twilight. D

[20A]

cecamire
November 14 2011, 06:42:06 UTC
Random D is random.

[21]

charlottehywd
November 15 2011, 00:43:25 UTC
It would have been fantastic if Saphira had actually died. Then Eragon would have had to do stuff without his uber-speshul awesome powers. Well, that and I have really disliked her from the very first book.

[22]

distinctvaguens
November 16 2011, 23:53:49 UTC
So do we know when the Chapter 2 is going up? I was of the impression we were going to go faster than once a week.

[23]

maxismerlin
November 20 2011, 15:27:18 UTC
I noticed how an arrow dents Eragon's shield, I think on page 2.

He must have one shitty shield. And it's obviously metal, since an arrow would just stick into a wooden shield. A crossbow bolt I'd understand, but...