Inheritance Spork: Chapter Sixty Four: That Which Does Not Kill...

[pangolin20]

Pixen wrote in Antishurtugal, 2013-01-05 23:46:00

Inheritance Spork: Chapter Sixty Four: That Which Does Not Kill...

... makes you stronger?

Well, since this chapter is pretty much Eragon's party doing some dungeon crawling at max difficulty mode, they're bound to get some good XP along the way.



Elva, the Detector of the group, starts the chapter off by talking Eragon and the rest of the party through the many varieties of lethal traps she can sense. Once again an interesting bit about this particular talent is referred to only once:

She stamped her foot and made a sound of exasperation. "It won't work if you don't mean it. I can't tell if something is going to hurt you unless you actually intend to put yourself in danger."

Wow A talent that's has an interesting limit A three dimensional (non-Mary-Sue) Elva-type character would make for such an awesome protagonist for a fantasy story:

When a strange rider visits a small rural village, residents flock to receive blessings and healing from him and his unicorn. But then one small girl child is accidentally cursed, rather than blessed, in the ancient - and permanent - language of old magic. Bound by the curse and ostracised by everybody around her wherever she goes, help arrives in the most unlikely of forms...

I know I'd read that Well, maybe

So all disgressions aside, this dungeon might as well be taken from Super Mario World: we've got spikes, pits, blocks of falling stone, etc. It's one big chapter of Smashing Hallway Traps of Doom no I'm not sorry).

Paolini also insists of using 'squished' again. And falls directly into the trap of recounting, not showing at the time, how they all had seen Murtagh walking around close by at one point.

Eragon gets stuck on figuring out one trap which is proving difficult to spring without causing bodily harm. In the end, they have to do some character-switching with the R2 button; to Saphira who can fly over the trap easily to test it, then back again to fly all the other characters over on her back. That's pretty much RPG 101 logic puzzle solving right there.

After that, Elva detects a cutting metal trap in the walls. Eragon has only a moment to consider this before twenty nameless XP fodder mooks come out of a side door and block their way, all standing in a line. Well that sure is helpful of them.

Eragon felt a blade of thought stab into his mind as the enemy magicians began to chant in the ancient language

That's a godawful metaphor, Paolini.

Saphira flames them, nothing doing. Eragon 'defends himself' (that's as much description about that as we get) but doesn't attack back. And as for Elva, well...

[Elva] was speaking to one of the spellcasters, saying something about the man's daughter

She's psychic, now? Or Shelvalock Holmes?

And get this. Eragon asks Elva if they're standing over the trap. Turns out they are. Eragon whacks the floor with his hand, setting the trap off. And wouldn't you know it;

The plates of metal caught the magicians between them and cut them in two, like a pair of giant tin snips, then just as quickly retreated back into their hidden slots. The suddenness of it shocked Eragon. He averted his eyes from the shambles before them What a horrible way to die.

WHAT A HORRIBLE WAY TO KILL TWENTY PEOPLE, MORE LIKE!

Because of this, Elva faints. Luckily for them, she comes to as Saphira's about to jump the trap with four people on board and shouts not to. Elva stumbles off and vomits, then afterwards explains that there's also a ceiling blade which would be triggered if Saphira jumped.

Eragon wonders why Galby's out to kill them, since apparently he wants Elva alive. Maybe it's because this whole book suffers from Rule of Cool-itis? You know there's a problem when the characters are starting to question the illogicality of the motivations of the as-yet-unseen (well, besides Nas) bad guy.

Eragon's party discuss how to get past the blades and eventually they hatch what turns out to be a REALLY confusingly executed plan about sticking the elven swords in the wall to stop the blades. Maybe I'm an idiot, but I really don't understand. Are elven swords super strong or something? If memory serves me correctly they're made of material from meteors...?

[T]he enchantments responsible for the illusion were easy enough to detect, and by them he was able to determine the exact placement and dimensions of the openings. [... Summoning the words he needed, Eragon cast the first of the twelve spells he intended to use. One of the elves’ swords—Laufin’s, he thought—disappeared with a faint breath of wind, like a tunic being swung through the air. A half second later, a solid thud emanated from the wall to their left.

There's three paragraphs in total describing the process. I guess Eragon's teleporting stuff into solid matter now? That's what I understand of it, anyway. :/

Once that's all done, Eragon hits the floor again to test the swords and they hold. So Eragon and Co. make a dash for it. Then Elva screams at them to run faster

Roaring with the effort, he forced his feet to strike the ground even harder.

That... won't help you cover any more ground faster, Eragon.

When he gets to the end, he looks back and sees that the only one caught by the blades is an elf, Yaela, who has been saved by her wards. Blodgharm shouts a spell which means 'fly', apparently, which catapults her from the snap of the metal and to safety. Wow, so nobody was killed? That sure is convenient.

Yaela's unharmed, but now completely unprotected

She lifted her hands and stared at them with an expression close to wonder. “I’ve not been without wards since ... since I was younger than you are now. Somehow the blades stripped them from me.”

Not sure that wonder is the right reaction, given the big boss is waiting for them at the end of the dungeon crawl.

Next important bit in the chapter is the door they reach. The paragraph used to describe the door is elephantine and completely unnecessary, and to add insult to injury we get this bit near the end:

And coiled in the very center of the bole of the tree was a dragon that held the end of its tail in its mouth, as if biting itself

SCREW YOU PAOLINI, DON'T YOU GO REFERENCING AURYN

Under different circumstances, Eragon would have been content to sit and study them for most of a day

Yeah, because every single character in this book has some sort of odd reverse-ADHD. Eragon's fascinated with everything, Nasuada with a ceiling, Arya with a flower, etc etc. Everyone seems liable and willing to simply stop and stare at something for hours and hours.

Eragon and Saphira have a moment where he's dreading finding Galbatorix on the other side, and feels he's not ready, but Saphira says something pseudo-wise about the situation, and then they say they love each other. "I feel for these characters and think their emotions are SOOOOO realistic!" said no one ever

Eragon stepped forward. “Now what?” he asked, trying to hide his uneasiness. “Should we knock?”

Haha. Hah. Ha... Honestly, can you imagine how that would go down?

*knock knock*

"Who is it?"

"Eragonogram!"

Instead, they arrange themselves into battle formation (with the X button, har har) then Arya goes to pull the door open.

As she did, a column of shimmering air appeared around Blödhgarm and each of his ten spellcasters.

It's the basic equivalent of a freeze-ray, without the cold. A door opens close by, and the elves all start moving towards it in their columns. Arya goes for them, but Paolini describes her as being too slow to catch them. Um, continuity? Eragon shouts a 'stop' spell but the elves float into the doorway and disappear. They have a look at the closed door but can't find an opening.

Arya's pissed at this turn of events and Umaroth talks it over with her, and she raises a good point, even though the answer is weak as water

Why would he go to so much trouble? He could have captured Eragon, Saphira, you, and the rest of the Eldunarí, even as he captured Blödhgarm and the others, but he didn’t.

Perhaps because he wants us to exhaust ourselves before we confront him or before he attempts to break us.

What I want to know is why - besides plot convenience and authorial 'because-I-said-so' - Arya wasn't frozen and moved away as well, since she's an elf as well. For that matter why didn't Galby just freeze the lot, Eragon included? Oh, never mind, because we need the Evil Gloating onologue^TM (yes, this is the second Tv Tropes link posted, and no I'm still not sorry) already! We've been clamouring for it for years!

Eragon asks why Elva didn't sense the trap, and it's because they're not being hurt by whatever spell it was.

Arya strains to open the massive door. Finally, the thing is fully open and we get some more painstakingly bad, and long, description of the inside room

On the throne sat a single black figure, the only figure in the whole room, and on his lap lay a bare sword, a long white splinter that seemed to emit a faint glow.

Oh hai, Galby, how's your sex life? Cheep cheep cheeeeep...

“Ah, I have been expecting you. Welcome to my abode. And welcome to you in particular, Eragon Shadeslayer, and to you, Saphira Brightscales. I have much desired to meet with you. But I am also glad to see you, Arya—daughter of Islanzadí, and Shadeslayer in your own right—and you as well, Elva, she of the Shining Brow. And of course, Glaedr, Umaroth, Valdr, and those others who travel with you unseen. I had long believed them to be dead, and I am most glad to learn otherwise. Welcome, all! We have much to talk about.”

DUN DUN DUUUNNNNN!

And the real countdown begins, fellow sporkers/readers! *dances*

EDIT: I've tried thrice now to fix up the typos Livejournal insists on making. There's missing punctuation and no matter how many times I try and add the 'M' to 'onologue' down the bottom, it won't stay...

25 comments

[1]

cherrypep
January 5 2013, 17:16:43 UTC
I can just imagine the conversation in the black-robed-evil-wizard meeting room that morning. Apologies for the length of this comment :)

The pinstriped coordinator stands up, coughs, moves to the front of the room. Gestures and the wall before them flares and displays a plan of the hallway. "Now, ladies and gentlemen, would anybody like to tell me what this is?"
Bob sticks his hand up. "It's the hall. We walk down it every day on the way to work." A keen listener would also note the 'duh' with which he punctuates the sentence.
The PHB in the pinstripe, predictably, ignores this. "Very good, Bob. But what is it today?"
There's a little muttering in the back. One of the keen kids says, tentatively, "It's... a strategic military position?"
Pinstripe bestows a benevolent smile. "Excellent. Now, here's the plan." She indicates a spot on the map. "The last desperate stand against the invaders will be fought right here. All twenty-one of you will file out of this side passageway right here, yes, that's right, and line up in single file on this exact spot."
A little more rustling from the peanut gallery, then someone asks, "Should we prepare some spells in advance, miss? You know, if we have to make it up on the spot we'll be chanting for five minutes before anybody's head explodes... and they are elves, sir, so -"
"Good lord, no!" says Pinstripe, shocked. "The paperwork alone...! Be flexible, Jenkins - there's no need to overdo it!" Bob shakes his head. Every day he works in this madhouse is one day too many.
"Right, right. Only, miss, just so that I've got this clear, you want us to file out of the side hallway - "
"Correct..."
"And line up in single file right over the invisible trap..."
"Got it..."
"Which anybody can set off simply with a footstep, miss..."
"Yep..."
"And start chanting..."
"Absolutely, Jenkins. Well done you." Bob rolls his eyes.
"Are you coming with us, miss?"
"Well," says Pinstripe sadly, "Unfortunately I have a meeting scheduled, but otherwise I assure you I'd love to come along! Still, I have every faith that it's in good hands. Indeed, young man, I may add that you continue to show considerable promise!"
Jenkins' face reddens with pleased surprise. Bob facepalms covertly, resolving to update his LinkedIn account over lunch.
When the alert sounds, Bob is nowhere to be found. So twenty black-robed humans, men and women alike, file out of a side passageway and form a line in front of Eragon...

[1A]

pipedreamno20
January 5 2013, 21:21:55 UTC
Gold! XD

[2]

Anonymous
January 5 2013, 18:06:33 UTC
Is it just me, or does Galbatorix's welcoming speech seem like it was taken from Celeborn and Galadriel's lines in the Fellowship of the Ring movie?

[2A]

torylltales
January 6 2013, 02:09:03 UTC
THIS.

"Tell me, where is Gandalf, for I much desire to speak with him"

[2A1]

mage_apprentice
January 6 2013, 02:15:57 UTC
I'm sorry, but this is the first thing I thought of when you put that down.

[2A1A]

torylltales
January 6 2013, 04:30:50 UTC
That's exactly what I was referring to.

[3]

swankivy
January 5 2013, 19:29:44 UTC
So all the elven swords have to be jammed into the wall to stop death things. And then when one of the death things happens anyway, someone can just levitate the affected elf out of the way. WHY DID THEY NOT JUST FLY OVER THE DEATH THING-ENCRUSTED HALL IN THE FIRST PLACE? Go figure. Don't tell me they can't get their swords back that way either. It's all just so silly.

[3A]

mage_apprentice
January 6 2013, 02:24:07 UTC
They need to keep their magic meter full if they want to get to the final boss with full health. Making them all levitate outside a cutscene will take up more magic than they can automatically replenish by the time they reach the last boss battle.

[3A1]

swankivy
January 6 2013, 04:16:48 UTC
Buuuuuut isn't Eragon using magic to make the swords go into the wall in the first place? Bah.

[4]

the_bishop8
January 5 2013, 20:23:45 UTC
She's psychic, now? Or Shelvalock Holmes?

I think she was doing the same thing she was doing in the chapter where Nasuada was captured. Elva was talking to the soldiers, and they were...well, umm. They were reacting wierdly.

As for the elven swords, they aren't made of meteors, but Paolini said that they are more special than regular swords. Not special enough apparently.

[4A]

Anonymous
January 8 2013, 01:04:31 UTC
Regarding Elva, I think it was like if one of your family members was sick/injured or otherwise had something affecting them, seeing them in distraught and being unable to help affects you.

Elva can sense pain, not just physical pain IIRC, maybe she picked up on the soldiers angst for his daughter, which she could have used against him or even simply talking about it could have shocked him.

[4A1]

pipedreamno20
January 8 2013, 05:38:20 UTC
Ah, that's something I didn't consider - mental pain. Opens up a few cans of worms however - now that she's half-free of the curse she's got the possible ability to cause the soldier anguish (if she so chooses) by speaking about his daughter even though it impacts her negatively? (Or perhaps she was actually trying to ease his pain...?)

I'm just a little curious as to why she knows so many specifics about why he's feeling mental pain; the very cause in fact. I suppose in another time and place that'd be a quicker way to help him without having to ask for details - leading to a quicker resolution for her as a shield, but still...

[5]

lupus753
January 5 2013, 22:44:29 UTC
Don't worry, it doesn't have to be the AURYN. It's probably just an ouroborus. But it just gets me wondering about a Saphira with fur.

Terrible pun: Those twenty guys gave good XP. As well as great Vista. Du-dum Tschhhhh.

It seems that Pipedream really has video games on the mind today.

[5A]

pipedreamno20
January 6 2013, 01:31:48 UTC Edited: January 6 2013, 01:32:07 UTC
I love bad puns! :D

It seems that Pipedream really has video games on the mind today.

No thanks to Paolini, who insists on painstakingly describing everything as if it IS from a video game... hence why I keep referring back to snide little comments about pressing buttons etc. It's like watching my friend play Dragon Age on the PS3 or something - only that's a bit more interesting than this drivel. There's a reason these two mediums don't necessarily cross over. Something visually appealing like a fantasy RPG game would probably be boring if written as a story, unless augmented with other stuff. </soapbox>

[5B1]

torylltales
January 6 2013, 02:15:31 UTC
I read it more like a DnD campaign. Roll your 1d20 to determine if you get through the trap... DM rolls 14, you roll 12! Your wards give you +2 to Protection From Traps! You're stuck halfway, but your wards protect you from damage! Roll 1d12 to determine if you get out! DM rolled 9, but you rolled 8! You get out unharmed, but your wards are gone!

[6]

mage_apprentice
January 6 2013, 01:11:36 UTC
And coiled in the very center of the bole of the tree was a dragon that held the end of its tail in its mouth, as if biting itself

SCREW YOU PAOLINI, DON'T YOU GO REFERENCING AURYN
Auryn? What's that?
This just reminded me of Jörmungandr, the Midgard Serpent from Norse mythology who grew so large that he encircled the world and bit his own tail. If he let go, Ragnarök would start. Jörmungander, however, was thrown into Midgard's oceans and that's where he grew. However, the tree and the dragon being there makes me think of Yggdrasil and Nídhöggr, Yggdrasil being the universe itself and Nídhöggr being the dragon at the base of the tree eating Yggdrasil's roots.

[6A]

pipedreamno20
January 6 2013, 01:37:19 UTC
AURYN is the magical talisman necklace in The Neverending Story, with the coiled snakes biting each other's tails. As far as I know the design was also inspired by Norse mythology (with a bit of Yin & Yang chucked in for good measure: one snake's black, the other white). But since I know more about the necklace than I do the mythology (which sounds to be really interesting even on the surface), that's what I ended up referencing ;)

[6A1]

mage_apprentice
January 6 2013, 02:06:00 UTC
Which shows you that The Neverending Story was not part of my childhood. Maybe the first movie since I have some vague memories of it, but only one scene pops up.

I think Paolini was aiming for Jörmungandr but I don't see why he'd have the dragon be carved on the center of a tree trunk (where Nidhoggr might go) instead of circling a map of Alagagmewithaspoon.

[6A1A]

zorbulon
January 7 2013, 23:17:02 UTC
And both are instances of Ouroboros, a motif so old that it's been found in the tomb of Tutankhamun from about 14th century BC.

[6A1A1]

mage_apprentice
January 7 2013, 23:41:16 UTC
Oh, it's that thing. Forgot it's more common than I thought.

[7]

torylltales
January 11 2013, 02:47:51 UTC
I rather enjoy an Evil Gloating Onologue, every now and again.

Speaking of countdowns:

Chapter Sixty Five: The Heart of the Fray - dibbed by cherrypep
Chapter Sixty Six: The Name of All Names - dibbed by distinctvaguens
Chapter Sixty Seven: Muscle Against Metal - dibbed by torylltales

Hooray, my next scheduled chapter is coming up!

[7A]

distinctvaguens
January 20 2013, 16:22:44 UTC
So... have we reached the point where we should try to contact the dibber and make knee-capping threats? (sarcasm)

[8]

rhyson
January 15 2013, 23:25:59 UTC
"Eragon felt a blade of thought stab into his mind as the enemy magicians began to chant in the ancient language"
The only awful part about it is that it wasn't a metaphor.

And sorry, Paolini, attempting to cover up your plotholes by having a character wonder why it's there is not actually a cover up. Yes, I know it's called lampshade hanging, but when the hole is as big as a dumptruck, a dinky, little lampshade isn't going to help.

And if Eragon could teleport swords into the machinary of death, why couldn't he have teleport the machinary of death itself? What about using bricks? Dirt? Ropes?

Emporer Palpatine says to Luke, "I've been expecting you." Another one. Another reference to something better.

Good job, Arya. Pulling open a door which is obviously just as trapped as the hallways you were just in is a brilliant move. What's that? You've been expecting a cursed baby in the form of a four year-old child to warn you? You and all the other magicians? And it didn't work out? And you're surprised?

[9]

adder_snake
January 19 2013, 17:38:56 UTC
WHY ARE THESE TRAPS HERE???!! IT MAKE NO SENSE!!!!! AAAAARRGGHHHH!!!!!

I mean, seriously.

1) Galbatorix wants them alive and these traps could easily have killed or seriously wounded them

And

2) Isn't it really inconvenient for the only entrance/EXIT to Galbatorix's throne room to be VIDEO GAME HALLWAY OF DEATH??!!! He's the king. What happens when people want to come see him to bring him reports or discuss the business of the realm etc.????? Did Paolini think this through AT ALL????!!!!

[10]

the_bishop8
May 17 2013, 03:59:02 UTC
I just realized something. Eragon tried to stop the elves by using a spell. But unless you phrase it right, a spell will use up as much of your energy as possible until the task is complete, or you run out of energy and die. Eragon did not phrase the spell at all, therefore Eragon should lose energy until the elves stop, or he dies.