Enchanter Sporking: Part Two

[pangolin20]

theepistler wrote in antishurtugal, 2018-04-15 09:40:00

MOOD: tired

Enchanter Sporking: Part Two

Dear everyone – be prepared for this chapter. This is where Azhure’s Suedom really begins to shine. Sick bags may be required.

We open from her POV while she walks through Talon Spike (why the hell is it called that anyway?) and we get some description of the place. She sees a couple of Icarii flying around with “jewel-bright feathers” and cries a bit because they’re Just So Beautiful. She likes it a lot here, and is glad there’s stairs available for children and Icarii who have injured their wings. But there are however vertical “shafts” in the floor and you have to be careful not to fall in. Sounds like a massive safety hazard if ever I saw one.

Naturally there’s a big library (authors wanting us to think a place is extra awesome always include a big library). Raum is there teaching the Icarii kids about the Avar. Azhure now moves on to thinking about Rivkah/GoldFeather and how she’s a lot happier now she’s got Axis back (why? I’d already be heartily regretting having even met the little pissant). She’s also been teaching Azhure about the “permissive” Icarii ways, and just that morning told Azhure she’s “a much sought-after prize, with your raven-black hair and mysterious smoke-filled eyes”, and that’s a direct quote. She seriously says this. Even if this was just prose it would be hilariously awful, but the fact that this is supposed to be dialogue just makes it ten times worse. What the fuck do “mysterious smoke-filled eyes” even look like?

Look, smoke and eyes just don’t go together, okay? They don’t. Smoke is bad for your eyes. You put smoke in someone’s eyes, they’re gonna be bloodshot, swollen and weeping. Hardly attractive. And if Azhure is just supposed to have grey eyes, just come out and fucking say so. As it is, I’m picturing her with some impressive Stoner Bloodshot.

Rivkah went on to say “Will you survive the Beltide festivities without being cradled within some lover’s wings?”. Is it just me or did that sound vaguely threatening?
Either way, add another Sue Point: “All The Men Want Her”. (But none of the women because no homo!).

Naturally Azhure was highly embarrassed, and she’s noticed that StarDrifter’s been checking her out and isn’t happy about it because she doesn’t want to come between him and Rivkah, who has become a mother to her. As usual told not shown. I think this author is allergic to showing.

She realises that for the last several weeks she’s actually been happy, because now she’s among people who actually like her. Good for her! I’m genuinely feeling pleased for her right now.

If only it ended here, with her finding a new and happy home and a place in the world as the semi-likeable person we originally met. Alas, that is not to be.

She now moves on to thinking about EvenSong and how she’s reluctant to join in the military training stuff, pointlessly reiterating the reasons why which we were already given in the last damn chapter. I see the author hasn’t learned not to be redundant either. But Azhure’s decided to take the violence and just roll with it. Hey, why not? She runs down some stairs and her “grace” makes a passing “Icarii birdman” stare.

I’m afraid the author is going to keep calling them “birdmen”. I don’t know what the point is – it’s not as if we’re unaware that the Icarii have wings. Besides which, having wings doesn’t make you a “birdman”. They don’t look like birds. They look like shiny angel people. So it’s stupid as well as redundant.

No, not that kind of Birdman. Unfortunately.

And for some reason the female Icarii aren’t referred to as “birdwomen”. It’s just the men. No I don’t know why. Nor do I know how it’s possible to run down some stairs “gracefully”. Right now I’m just hoping the “birdmen” thing isn’t a clue to the author having some sort of bird fetish, because ewww.

Cut to EvenSong’s POV. She’s wearing a leather headband, Arya style, and the author informs us that she has a “pale-skinned forehead”. This immediately had me picturing a black woman with a Caucasian forehead, which was an odd mental image to say the least. Why do we need to be reminded that EvenSong is a pasty face anyway? Oh right, because the author thinks being pasty is beautiful, so every attractive character is whiter than sour cream. Given how much time the Icarii must spend in the sun given that they’re people who fly everywhere you’d think most of them would have picked up a tan, but nope. Bet you they don’t get sunburn either.

EvenSong’s currently sparring with someone and mentally grouses about how she doesn’t like sweating. Spoiled brat. She also thinks about FreeFall. They apparently grew up together and became lovers at thirteen, and we’re now informed that – yeah – Icarii frequently marry or have sex with close relatives. Well gosh, I guess that’s why they felt the need to impregnate human women and steal the babies – they’re all hopelessly inbred. Naturally of course, all this inbreeding results in absolutely no deformities or mentally handicapped children. Because this is a crap fantasy novel, so the only deformed or mentally abnormal people are eeeevil.

EvenSong emotionlessly informs us that she’s, like, really sad FreeFall died. Baawwww! Why am I supposed to care about this again?

The guy she’s sparring with, SpikeFeather, knocks her over and gives her a telling off for not paying attention. She has a go at him for letting FreeFall die – he was one of the other Icarii present when Borneheld “murdered” the guy. Oh, so we’re calling it murder, are we? Killing a member of a race of people/creatures you were raised to believe are EVIL and who you had every reason to think were part of some sort of treasonous plot is murder now, is it? Good to know.

Naturally SpikeFeather is unimpressed, and yells that she’s “give[n] up on life itself!” and what would FreeFall say. Uh, since when had she given up on life? She’s not lying around drunkenly contemplating suicide or anything. She’s sulking. Sulking =/= giving up on life. If anything it’s a sign that a person hasn’t given up, because they still care enough to be cranky. Stop lying to me, author.

Blah blah, fight training isn’t as fun as it used to be since now they might have to actually fight, etc., and SpikeFeather totally does feel guilty about the Dead FreeFall thing because he didn’t “act quickly enough”. Act quickly? He didn’t do anything, slowly or quickly! He just stood there like an idiot! Why you always lying to me, author?

Anyway, so EvenSong supposedly has “no heart” since FreeFall’s alleged murder, and that’s just terrible. Evidence, please.
Meanwhile everyone’s also on edge because Axis, who’s supposed to be their new military commander, has shown absolutely no interest in the Strike Force, and they’re all desperately keen to impress him because StarMan and all the rest of that bullshit. Not because he’s actually proven himself to them or anything silly like that. No, it’s always Because StarMan or Because Prophecy. (And no, we never will find out why he’s called the StarMan. But I wish Elon Musk would blast him into space next).

Thank gods, Azhure shows up to interrupt the infodump. She politely apologises for intruding, and another infodump ensues about how the Icarii value politeness and etiquette and can get into vicious arguments without ever raising their voices, so what just happened between EvenSong and SpikeFeather was “extraordinary”. You know, this might have had an impact IF YOU’D BOTHERED TO ESTABLISH ANY OF IT BEFOREHAND. Instead, like everything else in this goddamn trilogy it’s just lazily dropped in there and will promptly be forgotten. No really. This never comes up again and you will never see any evidence for it. You see now why it’s so impossible to give a shit about any of this?

SpikeFeather kisses Azhure’s arse a bit, as is the Due of the Sue, and invites her to join them. Azhure takes her boots off for some reason, and we get a description of the training chamber, which has soft mats on the floor like a martial arts dojo, and “orbs” hanging from the ceiling to be used as archery targets. Oddly enough, there doesn’t seem to be anything for practicing aerial combat. Don’t the Icarii have any fighting techniques which take advantage of their ability to fly? Because so far they’re not doing anything a so-called “Groundwalker” couldn’t do.

SpikeFeather shares some allegedly witty banter with Azhure, and then asks someone to fetch “the Wolven”. This turns out to be a bow, which everyone’s very impressed with (naturally, the bow is described as “beautiful” – is anyone surprised?). He gives a little speech about how the Icarii value archery because they can fly, then fires off a shot.

Azhure asks if she can have a go, and apparently finds the Wolven “irresistible”. SpikeFeather eyes her and infodumps about how the Wolven’s creator died four thousand years ago.

I’m sorry – a bow that’s four thousand years old? Does the author not realise how utterly absurd that is? Weapons don’t last that long! And especially not when they’re made out of wood! Even if you could preserve a longbow for that long, it wouldn’t still be usable! This is just beyond ridiculous.

Blah blah, only the bow’s maker was ever able to “master” it. Um, it’s a fucking bow. SpikeFeather blah-blahs some more about how the Icarii have really strong chest muscles and he highly doubts Azhure will have the strength to pull the string back even on a regular Icarii bow.

We now get a description of the Wolven, which is made of “light ivory wood” and has golden “tracery” and blue and scarlet “tassels”. How incredibly tacky. But of course we’re assured that it’s “beautiful as it was deadly”. Because everything in this trilogy we’re supposed to like is “beautiful”. Doesn’t Ms Douglass know any other adjectives?

SpikeFeather offers a hand, but Azhure says no and asks what to aim at. SpikeFeather “indulgently” tells her to aim at one of the ceiling targets, and adds that if she can pull it off she can keep the Wolven and he’ll make her a quiver to go with it.
C’mon, guess what’s gonna happen next. You’ll never guess. It’s just so shocking and unexpected.

Azhure starts to draw the bow and SpikeFeather’s like oh no what if she loses control and accidentally shoots one of my guys (no of course he doesn’t do anything to prevent this, but I bet if something went wrong he'd pretend otherwise later on). Then somehow she’s able to draw it all the way back despite being a supposedly average human woman, and a skinny one at that (there are no fat, stocky or muscular female heroes in Generic Fantasy Land). SpikeFeather is all OMG how does she have the strength to do that?? She doesn't. She can just do it because the author says so.

Just as you would expect she hits the target on her first try despite never having used a bow in her life, and then acts like a little kid, spinning around laughing. She asks if she can keep the bow, and SpikeFeather is all “OMG it takes weeks of practice normally how did she do it?” but now he has to give her this super valuable bow. Azhure, seeing he’s conflicted, suddenly turns nasty, saying it wasn’t a fluke and if she can do it again she keeps the bow and he has to not only make a quiver, but fletch some arrows with his own wing feathers “Dyed the same blue as my eyes, I think”.

Wait, where the fuck did that come from? Since when was Azhure an entitled, egotistical little snot? This comes right out of nowhere, with zero foreshadowing, and it’s incredibly jarring.

Say goodbye to the character we met in the last book, guys. It’s all downhill from here. And I’m sorry to say that you’ll ultimately find her just as hateful as Axis himself. No mean feat, but if there’s one thing Azhure can do, it’s outclass everybody else at everything.While being a complete and utter dick about it.

To the surprise of absolutely no-one, she hits the target on the second try, even better this time, and is immediately hailed as Special and Amazing and Wonderful, which she accepts as her due because now she’s a huge egomaniac right out of nowhere. The chapter ends with SpikeFeather asking her if she could have a word with Axis and ask him to stop by sometime, and her saying nah, he’ll come when it suits him. Of course. Wouldn’t want to inconvenience Sue #1 by asking him to show some goddamn common courtesy, after all. Thanks for the help, Sue #2.

The next chapter gives us a POV from MorningStar, who’s thinking about StarDrifter. Apparently she was pretty old when she had him, and because he was an unexpected kid and inherited her powers, she and her husband RushCloud spoiled him rotten. This resulted in him growing up to be an undisciplined piece of shit, hence the sleeping around. But hey, at least this resulted in him fathering Axis (naturally, there’s absolutely no mention of his also having fathered Gorgrael, because the author’s favoured characters never have to take responsibility for their mistakes).

As you’ll expect the infodump now segues into more praise and adoration for Axis, who’s learning incredibly well (learning WHAT?) despite the thirty years of no training. MorningStar (that name just keeps getting funnier) has been helping out with the training, but StarDrifter is jealous, so right now they’re having an argument.

MorningStar points out that StarDrifter is good at using the “Star Dance in conjunction with the elements of fire, earth and air”, but isn’t so good with water, so she should be the one to teach Axis “water music”. So I guess we’re going with the old “elemental magic” model. Except with music.

StarDrifter, always mature, snarls that he’s more powerful than her, and MorningStar says yeah, but he lacks subtlety, which causes him to throw a tantrum. Weren’t we just told that the Icarii are super polite and rarely so much as raise their voices when arguing? Or am I the only one who remembers that?

From that we move on to an infodump about Axis’ relationship with his grandmother. Apparently she’s vaguely resentful of him for not being full Icarii, and is probably also jealous of “the extent of his power”. WHAT power? How is he powerful? How is his power extensive? These aren’t things you can just skip over, author!

After that comes a thick slab of description of MorningStar. Despite being five hundred years old she still looks young, except for the “vast experience evident in her eyes”. Ah, yes, the Eyes Older Than Her Face trope. Another classic favourite. (Needless to say, at no point will MorningStar display any of the wisdom or maturity you would expect from someone who's supposed to be ridiculously old).

MorningStar prays to “Flulia, Goddess of Water”, and then urges Axis to “hear the Star Dance”. How the hell are you supposed to "hear" a dance, which is a physical action? Last time I checked music and dance were two different things. Come on.

Cue an infodump about said “Dance”, which is actually music made by the stars (so why isn’t called the Star Music?), and of course it’s really beautiful and shit, and now Axis can hear it in everything. Enchanters use the Dance to weave “melod[ies] that serve as a conduit for the power of the Stars”, and- okay, you couldn’t possibly care less, could you?

Short version: they sing songs to make stuff happen. Axis is Special because he only has to hear a magic song once in order to remember it forever. That’s one selective photographic memory he’s got there. Yadda yadda, it’s just one of the things that has the other two so “astounded” with him.

StarDrifter watches to see if Axis can master Water Music just as easily, and of course the answer is yes with bells on. In fact he’s better than perfect.

Axis being Axis, he still finds a way to whine about this. He bitches about how none of what he’s learning has any military use (um, you’re learning how to control FIRE, you idiot), and asks if there are any songs for that. StarDrifter says maybe but if so they’ve all been conveniently forgotten. Oh, bullshit. He adds that they used to make weapons that “wielded Star Power”.

Yeeeaaah. “Star Power”. As in what you hire A-list actors to add to your blockbuster movie. I still can’t believe the author didn’t realise how goofy all this sounds. Or the editor either, for that matter. Either way the Wolven is one such weapon, and RavenCrest randomly shows up for an infodump about that. He’s not happy that Azhure got it, but now she apparently carries it everywhere and has displayed “remarkable skill”. Yeah, yeah, I get it, Azhure is Special. You can shut up now.

We also learn that the Wolven is enchanted, but the key was lost with its creator, WolfStar SunSoar. MorningStar isn’t pleased to hear the guy’s name, but Axis doesn’t notice. Which is why it’s mentioned that she isn't pleased from his POV. Did nobody proofread this thing? Also, yes, there really is a character named WolfStar SunSoar, and no he isn’t an O.C from the My Little Pony universe. I’ll just wait here until you’ve finished cracking up laughing.

Axis asks if there’s any way of remembering the Song of the Wolven or any of the other Songs of War, and RavenCrest-

Okay, so the Icarii are big on politeness and etiquette and rarely even raise their voices in an argument, right? We were told that very firmly in the last chapter.

So of course RavenCrest flies into a rage and shouts at Axis, saying it’s up to him to save the day somehow, magic that’s actually useful be damned. Axis is all “I totally understand why he’s so pissy” because he lost his “beloved son”, and on top of that this makes Axis the heir to the throne now. What a ghastly thought.

Axis, modest as always, thinks about how he’s totally gonna get himself named heir to the Icarii throne, because then it’ll be easier to unite the races. I say it’s just because his Suetastic ass wants even more power. He’s also gonna seize the human throne, and has no intention of letting Borneheld live. What a sweetheart.

He continues his display of modesty by demanding a meeting with the Crest Leaders so he can take command of the Strike Force. The author informs us that he’s “assum[ing] a great deal” by making this demand, but RavenCrest gives in anyway because Axis is, like, totally Awesome and “he alone” has the very nebulous never-seen and completely unproven “skills and experience” to make the Strike Force not-useless.
I just love how Axis comes swanning along and demands special privileges and important positions and so on and everyone just rolls over and gives him whatever he wants. And it’s not because he’s done anything particularly noteworthy – he just gets it all handed to him on a silver platter because he’s the StarMan and all the good guys are perfectly happy to mindlessly go along with whatever the stupid Prophecy wants. Because gods forbid the hero actually have to work for anything. It’s just so much easier this way…

MorningStar sits by herself after the others have left, and frets about Axis and how he learns “too well”, and wonders if he somehow already knows all those songs and is remembering them rather than being taught them as such. But that’s just silly! End chapter.


21 comments

cmdrnemo
April 15 2018, 12:51:27
This is the first set of books I've heard of that applies The Worf Effect: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheWorfEffect to politeness instantly. That's kind of special. I mean, in retrospect it should be pretty obvious. There isn't a single thing the sues touch that doesn't drop from hard mode to cake walk in a heartbeat. It feels like all the secondary characters are playing Dark Souls using a Guitar Hero controller and a banana. But, the heroes get to play Cowbell Hero using a mouse and keyboard. Then we're supposed to cheer because they can play for more than ten seconds without dying horribly. And we're all sitting here asking "how the heck do you fail so badly at Cowbell Hero the game calls it a death?"

The magic system is stupid. I get the idea. Stars do move, you could call that a dance. I could see the idea of using music to connect to that motion. Then thaumaturgy to connect the stars to whatever you are doing. Make stuff happen with extra solar power. As sources of magic go, it has the advantage of an obvious abundant power source more useful than Paolini's sandwich based magic. But, you are right. Reading this I just don't care where the magic comes from. I can't be bothered to care about what it can do. Not just because the prophecy makes everything else pointless. But, because it all just screams cop out. There's no reason to bother. And thus no bothers were given this day.


theepistler
April 15 2018, 14:27:05
Ah, good old TVTropes.
Of course it goes without saying that the Icarii will continue to act like a bunch of petulant children for pretty much the entire series. In fact they're pretty much the exact opposite of scrupulously polite and big on etiquette. It's like the author just threw that in there and then immediately forgot all about it. It's never brought up again.

Yes, the magic system is stupid. A musical based magic system could be interesting, but here it somehow manages to be both overexplained and underexplained. That is the author says plenty about it, but it's all largely meaningless and unhelpful.

And honestly? Almost all of it will never actually be used for anything. 'Magic" and other special abilities in this series just seem to exist for the sake of getting them, without ever really factoring into the plot. Much like the magic system in Inheritance, really.

ghostwyvern
April 15 2018, 20:45:26
Well, the Icarii seem to be VERY similar to Paolini's particular brand of elves, in a lot of ways. Different in a lot of ways as well, but still... the smugness and sense of superiority and entitlement are all extremely familiar.


theepistler
April 15 2018, 20:52:39
There's also the part where they're Better Than You because of their free-lovin' society. Except Douglass takes it one step further because they're also so "permissive" and "free" (her words, not mine) that they're 100% fine with incest. You're probably going to choke on something later on when Axis is hit on... by his own grandmother.

Oh how I wish I was joking about that.


cmdrnemo
April 16 2018, 16:14:45

Watch on YouTube

Is Warframe using a music based magic system in a multiplayer shooter. I wouldn't know how to put this system into words proper. But, you could make a setting so much fun with this sort of thing. I do wish fantasy would veer away from deadly serious end of the world stuff or gritty realism and have some fun.


torylltales
April 15 2018, 12:54:42

Apropos of very little: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law was one of my favourite cartoons. Right behind Space Ghost Coast to Coast.

theepistler
April 15 2018, 14:37:01

I never really watched it, unfortunately.


snarkbotanya
April 15 2018, 20:27:53
Rivkah went on to say “Will you survive the Beltide festivities without being cradled within some lover’s wings?”. Is it just me or did that sound vaguely threatening?

It's not you. That's rapey as fuck.

She politely apologises for intruding, and another infodump ensues about how the Icarii value politeness and etiquette and can get into vicious arguments without ever raising their voices, so what just happened between EvenSong and SpikeFeather was “extraordinary”.

Wait, isn't Axis's fiery temper supposed to be an Icarii thing? You know, "oh, they're all so hot-blooded and they have such a temper if you make them mad" and all?
Where the fuck was Sara Douglass's editor?

SpikeFeather blah-blahs some more about how the Icarii have really strong chest muscles and he highly doubts Azhure will have the strength to pull the string back even on a regular Icarii bow.

I smell a dead herring...

Weren’t we just told that the Icarii are super polite and rarely so much as raise their voices when arguing? Or am I the only one who remembers that?

No, you're not. Unfortunately, nobody in Sara Douglass's team did... that is, if there were any people on her team besides herself. This seriously reads like an unedited first draft.

Did nobody proofread this thing?

You took the words right out of my mouth.


theepistler
April 15 2018, 20:40:53

It's not you. That's rapey as fuck.

If you think that's bad, just wait until the actual Beltide scene. Spoiler: It involves date rape drugs which result in the POV character FORCED to choose between two equally horrible creepy guys... and afterwards the guy she was just forced to have sex with isn't even sure if she remembers him fucking her.

(The date rape drug is of course written off as "magic", but I don't care. If it forces a woman to have sex whether she wants to or not, it's a date rape drug no matter how you dress it up).

Needless to say we're not supposed to have a problem with any of this.

Wait, isn't Axis's fiery temper supposed to be an Icarii thing?

EXACTLY! In the last book we were very firmly told that Axis has the "Icarii temper" and arrogant mien, so of course we're not supposed to dislike him for being an emotionally unstable douche who blows up at people all the time and looks like a self-satisfied jackass at all times. Because it's like, hereditary and stuff. Was this thing written by the protagonist of Finding Dory or what?

snarkbotanya
April 15 2018, 21:10:51
If you think that's bad, just wait until the actual Beltide scene. Spoiler: It involves date rape drugs which result in the POV character FORCED to choose between two equally horrible creepy guys... and afterwards the guy she was just forced to have sex with isn't even sure if she remembers him fucking her.

WHAT THE FUCK, DOUGLASS?

theepistler
April 15 2018, 21:29:59
As you will see, Douglass clearly had little idea of what constitutes sexual assault. But you'll soon be fantacising about throwing both Axis and StarDrifter into a vat of boiling oil (I mean more so than you already were).


snarkbotanya
April 15 2018, 22:08:46
Axis and StarDrifter can both go stick their faces in a deep fryer.


theepistler
April 15 2018, 22:13:40
To cheer yourself up, just pretend this is StarDrifter's wang. Or possibly Axis', since he's the one who's going to go on to father about six asshole children.


snarkbotanya
April 15 2018, 22:14:58
*horrified gigglesnort*

theepistler
April 15 2018, 22:23:46
Thankfully, as far as I can recall StarDrifter will not be fathering any more douchebag offspring. Thankyou merciful author.


ghostwyvern
April 15 2018, 20:42:52

So, somehow, despite not being Icarii, nor raised among them for his entire childhood and part of his adult life, Axis is suddenly the heir? And we're only just now being informed of this? He doesn't understand their culture or their ways, but yet he thinks he's qualified to help them, and the Avar--who he also knows next to nothing about and is unfamiliar with their culture--unite with humanity.

... I'm sorry but I don't buy it. Even if, going by primogeniture and heredity, he would ordinarily be the heir, his lack of training and background within the culture would normally disqualify him because, if he weren't a complete Stu, the higher-ranking Icarii simply would not accept his leadership. And that makes sense. An outsider wouldn't necessarily understand the social, cultural, and economic situations of a given people as well as those people themselves. It's the same reason that an Italian citizen who's been born and raised in Italy and lived there until they were 30 isn't really well-qualified to be the Australian prime minister.

As for Azhure... of *course* she apparently has the super special magic or whatever to use the bow. Because it has to be magic; she obviously doesn't have that kind of strength. It's still absurd. Why can't she just show skill with a regular bow? Some people are crack shots with very little practice, so I could buy it if that happened, and if she trained long and hard to build up her muscles and eventually was granted the honor of trying to wield this magical artifact bow. I'm not going to be quite as hard on the weapon's survival--through the time frame is absurdly long--mostly because it's magic. But, even if you are going to give your characters magical powerups like a D&D game, you should probably make sure they've earned them. You're very right that Azhure seems to be an entitled brat, though I suspect the writer wanted her to seem playful or even justly smug (since she did something she was clearly expected to be unable to do).

Also I'm guessing Azhure will end up sleeping with both Axis and StarDrifter, and not really feeling guilty about doing so.


theepistler
April 15 2018, 20:48:15 Edited: April 15 2018, 20:49:37
Even if, going by primogeniture and heredity, he would ordinarily be the heir, his lack of training and background within the culture would normally disqualify him because, if he weren't a complete Stu, the higher-ranking Icarii simply would not accept his leadership.

Yeah. Sure he's the current ruler's nephew, but who cares? The guy is an outsider who repeatedly demonstrates that he has absolutely no respect for Icarii culture. If this story was written with any sort of common sense he'd be laughed out of the room. (And just wait until you see how he treats the fucking King of the Icarii later on when he starts DEMANDING to be named heir. Not asking. Not negotiating. Demanding. He even uses the phrase "you have no choice". Ass. Hole.).

Instead - just as you're probably expecting - all it takes is one short and painfully self-important speech from Our Hero before everyone is falling over themselves to make him King of the Universe. And he STILL whines about how it's not enough.

I'm not going to be quite as hard on the weapon's survival--through the time frame is absurdly long--mostly because it's magic.

I think that's what we're supposed to infer, but nobody so much as brings it up.

Also I'm guessing Azhure will end up sleeping with both Axis and StarDrifter, and not really feeling guilty about doing so.

You're depressingly close.

thegharialguy
April 17 2018, 21:52:56

Shafts in the floor!



theepistler
April 17 2018, 21:59:47
Hah! XD
Being something of a gamer nerd, I was reminded of that house in Morrowind where when you enter you're in this big well/shaft and you have to levitate to the top to actually reach the NPC you need to talk to. And who apparently doesn't care that he has a huge hole in the middle of his living room floor with no railings to protect anyone who comes wandering through in the middle of the night looking for the bathroom. The whole setup was a death by misadventure insurance claim waiting to happen.


thegharialguy
April 17 2018, 22:07:16

How does the NPC get up there?

theepistler (from 209.58.135.120)
April 17 2018, 22:11:47
Well the shaft has a spell on it so anyone who steps in automatically levitates to the top, plus he's a mage (though it's a moot point anyway since he never leaves his house). Problem is that it's extremely easy to fall back down the shaft and die even with the spell there. I should know; I died in that shaft multiple times myself. Hell, sometimes you just fall off the edge of the force pushing you up and die that way.