Enchanter Sporking: Part Eight
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theepistler wrote in antishurtugal, 2018-04-28 19:03:00
MOOD: relieved
Enchanter Sporking: Part Eight
People are probably wondering what the hell is going on with the Brisingr spork. Unfortunately snarkbotanya has been delayed in her spork of the next chapter. Kind of... a lot. Rest assurred I've been kicking her backside in private and the chapter should be posted soonish.
For now - time for more Enchanter! Be very afraid.
The next chapter is still with Azhure, who’s getting ready to leave. She’s all sore from last night’s Sue Orgy (ick), and chatting with Rivkah. Rivkah knows what happened, and Azhure says she doesn’t really want to go back to Talon Spike because of StarDrifter. And I’m just going to read this as her saying she’s afraid he’ll sexually assault her again, because I would be.
Instead Azhure is going to do the sensible thing and get the hell out of Dodge. She earns some respect from me by saying she’s “heartily sick of this Prophecy”, and adds that she doesn’t want to get in Axis’ way. So she’s going with Rivkah, who thinks that Azhure wants to leave “before he had the chance to tear her soul apart”.
Yes. Get away from him. He’s a violent misogynistic asshole who’s probably gonna cheat on you too if he gets the chance.
(Spoilers: He will).
Cut to the jackass himself, currently talking to his new underlings. Predictably, he’s in a foul mood. For some reason FarSight finds this surprising. He really must not have been paying attention.
Unfortunately, Ogden and Veremund are present, and they’re still “quirky” and “funny” (I need bigger sarcastic inverted commas). When Axis says he’s gonna send some guys to Sigholt with a message, they seriously chorus “we’ll go!” in unison. For some godsforsaken reason Axis finds all this terribly amusing and calls them “rascals” again. I really hope this is the book were they both die.
(Yes, the Sentinels are going to die. All of them. Knowing that is one of the things keeping me sane while having to put up with their bullshit “antics”).
Axis gives them permission, then says the Strike Force has to go back to Talon Spike for more training until Belial has “established a supply route strong enough to feed both his men and the Strike Force”. That’s… surprisingly sensible and realistic. Paolini should take notes. Unlike him, this author is aware that warfare – and especially medieval warfare – is often a slow business. Armies take a long time to move around and things have to be properly set up, plus you have to take the seasons and rationing into account. All of which Axis covers here. Finally that PhD is showing.
Cut to the next scene, which – oh joy – is from the POVs of Ogden and Veremund. Fuck these guys, seriously. They bump into Rivkah and Azhure, and we’re again informed that they’re fascinated with Azhure and determined to pry into her personal business. Charming people. By the way, you’ll have noticed I never draw any distinction between the two of them and that’s because the author doesn’t either. The two of them are completely interchangeable.
Anyway, Rivkah asks if she and Azhure can go with them and they’re accepted. Azhure realises the route to Sigholt will take her close by her original home village, and we get what I’m about 80% sure is a word use flub as it’s stated that she “would be loathe to get that close”. Shouldn't that be "loath"? Even if it’s not incorrect, it’s still clunky as hell.
Ogden and Veremund say no, they’re going by some other route which is secret. Predictably Veremund addresses Azhure as “sweet lady” and makes patronising comments about how it’ll be great to have “such charming company to keep us amused”.
I really, really hope this is the book where he dies. (Straight or bi guys reading this, take note: Talk like this to most women and you'll need her shoe removed from your
arse shortly thereafter).
Naturally Rivkah finds all this very charming, and then – oh no – StarDrifter shows up. She tells him she’s leaving with Azhure and StarDrifter is all “aw shit, now I can’t sexually assault her any more!”. Just to make everything even more uncomfortable, Axis shows up as well. He’s noticed that Azhure’s been avoiding him since the – ahem – incident, and is all jealous and possessive. He goes to kiss Azhure purely in order to annoy StarDrifter, but – hah! – Azhure dodges and makes him look like an idiot with his lips hanging in the air. Azhure thinks about how she’s driven a wedge between the two of them and how the Prophecy can’t afford to have them “torn apart by jealousy over her”.
She wonders why the hell she didn’t just walk away from the pair of them last night. Because you were under the influence of Magic Rohypnol, that’s why. You can dress it up and call it “magic” all you like, but if it removes anybody’s ability to say no to sex, it’s a date rape drug and I’ll be damned if I’m calling it anything else.
Rivkah, bless her, announces that they’re leaving and adds that they’ve had enough of this Enchanter bullshit. StarDrifter says he’ll see her there, and Rivkah makes a catty remark about how it’s really Azhure he’s interested in seeing.
StarDrifter makes a move to kiss Azhure as well, but she avoids that too. Look asshole, she’s already made it clear that she’s not interested in you. Back the fuck off.
Since this is the sort of misogynistic bullshit story it is, Azhure is only worried about “alienating” StarDrifter and keeps her mouth shut in case she says anything “ill-considered”. Empowered woman my butt.
StarDrifter makes a little speech to Axis, telling him he’s managed to out-charm his daddy (what “charm”? This guy’s as charming as a brick to the face), and that Azhure “made her choice” (…no, she really didn’t), and it’s all good, no hard feelings bro.
Might I add, he says this in front of Azhure.
Axis hugs Daddy Rapist, and Azhure and Rivkah both have this “yeah, not buying it” reaction, which is actually rather amusing.
Not amusing in the slightest however is the next scene in which they finally leave and Ogden and Veremund keep “comically” bickering. And it’s the exact same argument they had last time, except now they’re arguing about who brought their magically appearing white donkeys. It wasn’t funny last time, and it’s not funny this time either.
Excuse me – I’m just going to take a moment to fantacise about blowing their heads off with a shotgun. Mmm, feels good.
Cut back to Axis, who is also saying his goodbyes. MorningStar is there, and she’s sulking because she didn’t get with him last night. You are sick, MorningStar. Sick, sick, sick. And so was the author for writing you.
Axis, meanwhile, plans to learn from the Charonites (what precisely are they gonna teach him? It’s never come up), and is going to ask them about the rogue SunSoar enchanter who trained him and Gorgrael. MorningStar points out that someone that powerful can disguise himself, and it could be anybody. Even someone very close to Axis. What is this, The Thing?
This isn’t foreshadowing anything, by the way. The culprit isn’t any of the important named characters we’ve met. When you do find out who it is, your reaction is going to be either “oh, okay, whatever” or quite possibly “…wait, who was that again?”
Cut to some time later as Axis enters the waterways StarDrifter and co. used in the last book as a shortcut. There he meets the nameless Ferryman and calls in the favour Rivkah got from him before. He asks the guy to teach him everything he knows and the Ferryman is like “yeah, sure thing bro, that’s the whole reason I’m still alive”.
You just know you’re dealing with Epic Sue when certain characters are only alive to serve their interests. I mean really.
The next chapter goes to Faraday, who’s angsting about that vision she had where Axis and Borneheld fight to the death.
Poor, poor Borneheld. (No really, when you see how the guy dies you’re gonna feel extremely sorry for him too).
She’s now in the Chamber of Moons, as she and Borneheld arrived at the capital four days ago (thankyou author, for skipping over the long boring journey to get there). King Priam, Lord of Afros, is there bickering with Borneheld. He yells at him for losing the battle against the Skraelings, and adds that he heard Borneheld only escaped “through Axis’ bravery”.
Because as usual it’s all Axis, Axis, Axis. Channel Axis: All Axis, All the Time. I really wish more authors realised that the more your characters fawn over the hero, the more readers are going to dislike him. Quite frankly every time someone starts rabbiting on about how "brave" and "noble" Axis is, the more I want him to die horribly.
Naturally Borneheld is pissed off, and says Axis has allied himself with the Forbidden, and Priam answers that apparently Axis believes everyone should ally with them, and then calls Axis his nephew. There follows a classic example of bad writing:
"Faraday, as everyone else in the room, took a huge, incredulous breath. Priam had never publicly acknowledged Axis as his nephew previously!"
This is absolutely textbook bad writing. “Telling”, forced “emotion”, use of an exclamation mark in prose… it’s just bad, bad, bad. It's worse than Paolini levels of bad, quite honestly.
Priam then invokes the stupid Prophecy, and Faraday is all “yay, if the King allies with Axis I can have my wuvvums back!” You poor fool.
She sees Gilbert and Jayme whispering and thinks “contemptuously” about how much the Seneschal sucks and how soon they’ll lose their power and “the Mother and the Star Gods [will] once more spread their joy over this wondrous land”.
First of all, this is religious intolerance. You used to be a believer in Artor yourself, Faraday – remember that? And so was your mother. Whether you think it’s true or not doesn’t change the fact that this is people’s god you’re talking about, and it very likely brings them joy and meaning in their lives. But no, now you’re arrogantly convinced that you’ve found the correct religion, all that can go die and you’d be quite happy to see the entire belief system burned to the ground just because you don’t like it.
But making everyone bow down to a different god you do approve of? Yeah, that’s just fine and dandy.
And second, how the hell does Faraday know anything about the Star Gods? We barely know anything about them. For all you know the Star Gods demand human sacrifices every week!
So you can shut your self-righteous, ignorant piehole right now, Faraday. And I say that as a lifelong atheist.
Anyway, Borneheld blows his stack and Priam kicks him out, saying that if he’s not going to be reasonable and join the Axis Fan Club, Priam’s gonna reconsider “my choice of both WarLord and heir!”.
Borneheld storms off, and on the way out Priam calls after Faraday and says the Queen would like to have lunch with her tomorrow.
The moment they’re outside Borneheld flies into an even bigger rage and yells about how Priam’s off his rocker. He also yells at Faraday, who snaps back that she only cares about The Good of the People, as opposed to his power-hungry ass. Borneheld calls her a sanctimonious bitch, and I want to give him a medal for that.
Then Gilbert shows up and says he wants to talk about what they discussed back at their last meeting, hint, hint. Borneheld immediately cheers up and sends a suspicious Faraday away. She finds a window to look out of, and thinks about how Priam has made it clear he’s considering making Axis his heir, and then she cries some “tears of hope”. She’s this close to breaking into a rendition of “Someday my Prince Will Come”, I swear.
Boy is she in for a nasty shock.
30 comments
[1]
snarkbotanya
April 28 2018, 22:25:29
Aaargh, I've been called out on my lateness in public? Dammit Epi! >_<
Shouldn't that be "loath"?
Yes. Yes it should.
(Straight guys reading this, take note: Talk like this to most women and you'll need her shoe removed from your arse shortly thereafter).
Indeed. Unless you're a customer, in which case I'll keep up the friendly face and then glare daggers at you when nobody is looking and badmouth you to my coworkers for being such a chauvinistic douchebag at the end of the day. And I usually avoid talking shit about customers.
what “charm”? This guy’s as charming as a brick to the face
I wouldn't even give him that much credit. A brick to the face is positively delightful compared to StarDeadbeat or Axis Power the Blond Aryan Ubermensch.
and that Azhure “made her choice”
A "choice" which was basically some kind of horrifying date-rape version of a false dichotomy. She was given the choice of sleeping with either StarDrifter or Axis, when she should have been allowed the third option of not sleeping with anyone. *slaps Douglass's ghost* BAD WRITER, NO TREAT.
[1A]
theepistler
April 29 2018, 11:36:12
Yes. Yes it should.
Bad editor! No cookie for you! *sprays editor with hose*
Indeed. Unless you're a customer
I really hate how basic human decency goes out the proverbial window the moment people realise they're in a position where they can get away with it. Just about every time I go to the supermarket the poor sods who work there go into "please don't hurt me" mode the instant it looks like I might complain about something. It's so depressing.
A brick to the face is positively delightful compared to StarDeadbeat or Axis Power the Blond Aryan Ubermensch.
At least the brick didn't do it on purpose, or congratulate itself for hitting you in the face.
A "choice" which was basically some kind of horrifying date-rape version of a false dichotomy.
Yeah, are we really supposed to just ignore the whole magical coercion thing? Really, author?
(Given her track record of writing rape as no big deal and often leading to True Love, the answer is clearly no. Get bent, author).
[1B]
theepistler
April 29 2018, 11:49:23
Aaargh, I've been called out on my lateness in public? Dammit Epi! >_<
Get your lazy butt in gear or I'll... I'll... be mean to your cat!
[2]
Anonymous
April 29 2018, 03:39:06
*Raises hand*
In books when the world is teetering towards destruction why do some authors force love triangles and who is sleeping with who on us?
[2A]
theepistler
April 29 2018, 10:58:44
Good question. Shouldn't these idiots have more important things on their minds?
It came up in Harry Potter too, except it was certain parts of the fandom who cared more about who was going to end up screwing who than, y'know, stopping Wizard Hitler from murdering everyone. More sensible people were like "Dude, this isn't a romance novel. There's a magical WAR brewing. People's lives are at stake! Who CARES if Draco and Hermione get together?!". Needless to say the shippers wouldn't listen.
[3]
cmdrnemo (from 64.180.77.89)
April 29 2018, 04:39:38
Right, so as the resident pro evil option advocate. I'm going to put a link here and suggest something silly and or evil. Sorry.
https://imgur.com/gallery/RPbt2
TLDR: Back in the day women were social required to say no to men's advances whether they wanted to or not. Logically if you must say "no" even when you mean "yes" you have no way to say either. Your "No" only ever means "maybe."
To an audience encoded with that dynamic the men in this book come out slightly better. Not great. But, substantially less rapey. Unfortunately the book itself doesn't show a culture in that position. The women in this story are much more open about what they want. This ruins a lot of what I can only hope the author was going for. Her magic sex drug was probably supposed to be little more than a sugar pill. An excuse for the women to get what they wanted anyways. Except when the women can already have whatever they want... Star Drifter was, hopefully, meant to only misunderstand what was supposed to be a "not now" for a "this is scandalous and therefor exciting."
Unfortunately because the book doesn't present the culture it needs to for any of this to work. It doesn't work.
[3A]
snarkbotanya
April 29 2018, 06:45:41
I would argue that even if it did present that culture, it would still be horrible. It might push some of the culpability from the characters to the society in which they were raised, but being raised in a society where "your 'no' only ever means 'maybe'" still basically amounts to a "not if you enjoyed it" justification. Even if a woman only says no because that's what's expected of her, the fact remains that she said no, and that no should be respected. Plus, people have been saying "yes" despite societal expectations forfuckingever. As a modern example, we can point to the catastrophic failure of abstinence-only "education" in the US, where states that require abstinence-only instead of actual sex ed have the highest teen pregnancy rates. Societal pressure does not stop people from having sex; it just serves to make that sex more problematic.
In Azhure's case, it's pretty clear that, had she not been under the influence of the magical date rape drug, she would have said no. To illustrate, here's an excerpt from the actual scene. Emphasis is mine.
She moaned, her hands clenching by her side, knowing that her blood demanded of her that she choose, hating herself, knowing that she could not walk away.
Azhure wanted to say no, to the point that being unable to makes her hate herself. Is her desire to say "no" a result of societal pressure? Irrelevant question. Is she attracted to Axis and/or StarDrifter? Also an irrelevant question. The reasons she did not want to have sex do not matter, only that she did not want to have sex, and that should have been a choice available to her.
TL;DR: The fact that a society creates the conditions for date rape does not make it not date rape. It only means that society is fucked up.
[3A1]
ghostwyvern
April 29 2018, 07:23:04
To add to your argument, even in societies where women were expected to say no, that was primarily among wealthier people. Your average peasants in ye olde medieval times probably slept together before ever being officially married. And, even if they did say no, they had customary signals for courting that would've made that "no is always maybe" mythical anyway. Women were not supposed to seem to initiate courting, and yet they often did so in nonverbal ways, i.e. conveniently dropping a kerchief for a fancied suitor to retrieve. If you write a society like that, then you need to be able to convey the body language and other cues that the woman actually is or is not consenting, and do so in such a way that the reader clearly understands. As written, Azhure clearly did not consent but had her consent overridden by the magical date rape drug. Furthermore, modern society is far enough removed from the days when no might mean yes if the woman gave certain specific signals, that it would still be inadvisable to write a society structured in that way--modern readers are unlikely to read it in the way it is intended.
[3A2]
theepistler
April 29 2018, 11:12:32
Yeaaaah, I really wasn't kidding when I called this a rape scene. It's beyond obvious that she doesn't want to do it and is FORCED to let Axis fuck her. And he's such an asshole he doesn't even know if she remembers being fucked by him and is totally okay with it! No remorse whatsoever!
Unfortunately, this is a running theme in this series. In the sequel trilogy about Axis' almost entirely awful offspring, another woman is raped by a guy (and this time the guy absolutely makes it happen on purpose with some sort of bullshit magic brainwashing spell). The end result? SHE FALLS IN LOVE WITH HIM. It's basically the Azhure storyline, but even worse.
In the trilogy after that? The "hero" deliberately sets a woman up to be GANG-RAPED (and severely beaten in the process). And... she falls in love with him afterwards.
The cherry on the sundae of awfulness? The guy in question is StarDrifter.
So I really don't think you could call "coincidence" or "mistake" on this one. This author is a rape apologist. And again, people called this series "feminist" with "strong female characters".
[3A2A]
cmdrnemo
April 29 2018, 11:44:53
Well, I tried to find an excuse for this mess to be less than completely evil.
[3A2A1]
theepistler
April 29 2018, 13:29:43
Yeah, some things are so irredeemably vile that there's really no way to play devil's advocate for them without looking like an asshole. :-/
[3A2B]
hergrim
April 29 2018, 18:43:36
In the trilogy after that? The "hero" deliberately sets a woman up to be GANG-RAPED (and severely beaten in the process). And... she falls in love with him afterwards. The cherry on the sundae of awfulness? The guy in question is StarDrifter
Oh Jesus Christ. Every time I think that the series can't get worse, it did. I seriously regret giving my books away to a used book store.
[3A2B1]
theepistler
April 29 2018, 19:26:28
I can't remember what I did with mine - I think I also gave them away. I wish I hadn't. I wish I had them right here. So I could set them on fire.
[3A2C]
snarkbotanya
April 29 2018, 19:23:26
In the trilogy after that? The "hero" deliberately sets a woman up to be GANG-RAPED (and severely beaten in the process). And... she falls in love with him afterwards. The cherry on the sundae of awfulness? The guy in question is StarDrifter.
...
I... I think I need to think for a moment...
Sometimes you can only fight horror with horror.
[3A2C1]
snarkbotanya
April 29 2018, 19:33:21
I am now having a "cannot unsee" reaction to this. This is the first time I have ever had a "cannot unsee" reaction to something I drew. SERIOUSLY, BRAIN, WHY DID YOU DO THIS?
[3A2C2]
theepistler
April 29 2018, 19:37:33
Oh dear someone else's GOD.
You captured the epic rapeface we all know and... uh, know too.
*scrubs eyeballs*
I'd mention that you accidentally left off StarDrifter's wings, but by a weird coincidence the gang rape thing actually happens after he gets them torn off. (And shortly before he grows a new and more attractive pair for absolutely no reason. Naturally).
[3A2C2A]
snarkbotanya
April 29 2018, 19:48:16
I actually redid Saphira's leering smile, like, three times before it looked suitably creepy. Then I stepped back and looked at the finished work, and was horrified at my own creation.
I'd mention that you accidentally left off StarDrifter's wings, but by a weird coincidence the gang rape thing actually happens after he gets them torn off.
...I'll chalk that one up to my freakish luck striking again...
[3A2C2A1]
theepistler
April 29 2018, 19:51:27 Edited: April 29 2018, 19:51:42
If Saphira is unavailable, I'm up for him getting raped by a facehugger instead. Let him find out what it's like to be impregnated with a baby that kills you horribly when it comes out.
[3A2C2A1A]
snarkbotanya
April 29 2018, 19:53:39
Oooohh... yeeeeeeeees, facehuggers would be quite poetic justice, wouldn't they? And the fact that it could result in xenomorphs with wings isn't so bad if they're just destroying Tencendor...
[3A2C2A1A1]
theepistler
April 29 2018, 20:00:48
Agreed. Fuck Tencendor and everyone in it. Just about the only people I don't wish would get eaten by piranhas by this point are Rivkah and Borneheld, and maybe Faraday.
[3A2C2A1A1A]
snarkbotanya
April 29 2018, 20:03:10
Rivkah seems relatively nice, though that might just be because we haven't spent enough time with her for Douglass to turn her into a horrible person. Borneheld is definitely far more sympathetic than any of the "heroes". Faraday is a bit more ambiguous... she's an arrogant cock, but she's also young and naive and basically being treated as a puppet by all the "forces of good", not to mention the author hates her and wants to murder her horribly.
[3A2C2A1A1A1]
theepistler
April 29 2018, 20:26:34
You can sort of sympathise with Faraday and Borneheld if only because they both get such shabby treatment from their author. But of course, feeling sorry for someone isn't the same thing as them actually being nice or sympathetic. Borneheld is still a raging jackass and Faraday is still an idiot and a dishonest little jerk. The difference is that they actually have problems that aren't instantly solved for them, and aren't constantly praised by the narrator for being Totally Awesome. After all, when you're in the desert you'll drink any nasty old water you can get you hands on, even if it's - ugh - tonic water.
Rivkah genuinely is a nice character. Well, mostly. The only hateful thing she's done so far is completely fail to recognise that StarDrifter is a horrible repulsive rapist and act accordingly. Which basically makes her his enabler, given that she personally witnessed him assaulting Azhure and did nothing. ...Okay, maybe she's not that nice after all. I'm reminded of that monster Marion Zimmer Bradley, who married a guy knowing he was a pedophile, and then went on to cover up his crimes for him and acted like it was no big deal that he kept molesting young boys.
[3A2C2A1A1A1A]
snarkbotanya
April 29 2018, 21:15:13
Well, Rivkah didn't know how awful StarDrifter was until after she married him... and even though she eventually left the marriage, it still takes a lot to face the cognitive dissonance of "this person I spent x years of my life with is a rapist". So you can kind of see why she wouldn't want to recognize StarDrifter's repulsiveness. It's not right, but... well, it's a thing brains do.
[3A2C2A1A1A1A1]
theepistler
April 29 2018, 21:36:17
That does make sense, though unfortunately it's quite clear that the author didn't see it as an assault either.
[3A2C2A1A1A1B]
hergrim
April 30 2018, 10:50:45
Of course she protected her pedophile husband. Why wouldn't she, when she was one herself? She abused her own daughter between the ages of 3 and 12.
[3A2C2A1A1A1B1]
theepistler
April 30 2018, 12:06:34
Why not indeed. It was one of the first red flags to go up that she herself was a predator (depressingly, some tried to pretend she didn't know about it). -_-
[3A2C2A1A1A1B1A]
ghostwyvern
May 1 2018, 05:33:27
I have only read one thing from Marion Zimmer-Bradley. I wasn't overly impressed by her writing, and it was before I knew about the pedophilia. After I found out about it, I never had any interest in reading anything of hers again. For similar reasons, due to police finding child and animal gore porn in his home after his death, I don't want to listen to or hear any of Michael Jackson's music. If you listen to the lyrics, and are aware what he got away with, his music becomes creepy and disgusting. Makes me angry every time I hear it, and yet he remains popular. Though I'm pretty sure Marion Zimmer-Bradley is also popular despite what she and her husband did.
[3A2C2A1A1A1B1A1]
theepistler
May 1 2018, 22:12:02
I read The Mists of Avalon, and hated it. It was boring, the characters sucked, and reading it made me really uncomfortable for some reason. I think on some level I could tell the person who wrote it was sick in the head.
For similar reasons, due to police finding child and animal gore porn in his home after his death, I don't want to listen to or hear any of Michael Jackson's music.
They found WHAT?
My gods, I knew about the pedophilia charges, but holy shit.
[3B]
theepistler
April 29 2018, 11:05:49
That was a thing in the Earth's Children series by Jean Auel - the implausibly blonde and beautiful cavewoman protagonist was raised by Neanderthals, and in their culture if a man demands sex from a woman she has to say yes. It was a crappy series with an obnoxious Sue protagonist, but it did at least show confusion and jealousy resulting from this later on when she returns to her own people, who are all feminist and enlightened and shit. Because she doesn't understand their different social mores, she cheats on her One True Love purely because another guy took an interest in her and she didn't realise she had the right to turn him down.
[4]
hergrim
April 29 2018, 19:14:04
Axis gives them permission, then says the Strike Force has to go back to Talon Spike for more training until Belial has “established a supply route strong enough to feed both his men and the Strike Force”. That’s… surprisingly sensible and realistic. Paolini should take notes. Unlike him, this author is aware that warfare – and especially medieval warfare – is often a slow business. Armies take a long time to move around and things have to be properly set up, plus you have to take the seasons and rationing into acount. All of which Axis covers here. Finally that PhD is showing.
That's true, but sending a small portion of the Strike Force - possibly on a rotating basis - to provide scouting and to undergo seasoning would have been a better idea. It would have allowed for raids against the Skraelings during summer (presumably when they're least effective) and given them a better understanding of the terrain. Winter campaigns suck, but knowing the best routes to avoid the worst of the mud and rivers and having stockpiles of food, fodder and firewood would greatly ease it. They could also help secure the supply routes and search out new sources.
For now - time for more Enchanter! Be very afraid.
The next chapter is still with Azhure, who’s getting ready to leave. She’s all sore from last night’s Sue Orgy (ick), and chatting with Rivkah. Rivkah knows what happened, and Azhure says she doesn’t really want to go back to Talon Spike because of StarDrifter. And I’m just going to read this as her saying she’s afraid he’ll sexually assault her again, because I would be.
Instead Azhure is going to do the sensible thing and get the hell out of Dodge. She earns some respect from me by saying she’s “heartily sick of this Prophecy”, and adds that she doesn’t want to get in Axis’ way. So she’s going with Rivkah, who thinks that Azhure wants to leave “before he had the chance to tear her soul apart”.
Yes. Get away from him. He’s a violent misogynistic asshole who’s probably gonna cheat on you too if he gets the chance.
(Spoilers: He will).
Cut to the jackass himself, currently talking to his new underlings. Predictably, he’s in a foul mood. For some reason FarSight finds this surprising. He really must not have been paying attention.
Unfortunately, Ogden and Veremund are present, and they’re still “quirky” and “funny” (I need bigger sarcastic inverted commas). When Axis says he’s gonna send some guys to Sigholt with a message, they seriously chorus “we’ll go!” in unison. For some godsforsaken reason Axis finds all this terribly amusing and calls them “rascals” again. I really hope this is the book were they both die.
(Yes, the Sentinels are going to die. All of them. Knowing that is one of the things keeping me sane while having to put up with their bullshit “antics”).
Axis gives them permission, then says the Strike Force has to go back to Talon Spike for more training until Belial has “established a supply route strong enough to feed both his men and the Strike Force”. That’s… surprisingly sensible and realistic. Paolini should take notes. Unlike him, this author is aware that warfare – and especially medieval warfare – is often a slow business. Armies take a long time to move around and things have to be properly set up, plus you have to take the seasons and rationing into account. All of which Axis covers here. Finally that PhD is showing.
Cut to the next scene, which – oh joy – is from the POVs of Ogden and Veremund. Fuck these guys, seriously. They bump into Rivkah and Azhure, and we’re again informed that they’re fascinated with Azhure and determined to pry into her personal business. Charming people. By the way, you’ll have noticed I never draw any distinction between the two of them and that’s because the author doesn’t either. The two of them are completely interchangeable.
Anyway, Rivkah asks if she and Azhure can go with them and they’re accepted. Azhure realises the route to Sigholt will take her close by her original home village, and we get what I’m about 80% sure is a word use flub as it’s stated that she “would be loathe to get that close”. Shouldn't that be "loath"? Even if it’s not incorrect, it’s still clunky as hell.
Ogden and Veremund say no, they’re going by some other route which is secret. Predictably Veremund addresses Azhure as “sweet lady” and makes patronising comments about how it’ll be great to have “such charming company to keep us amused”.
I really, really hope this is the book where he dies. (Straight or bi guys reading this, take note: Talk like this to most women and you'll need her shoe removed from your
arse shortly thereafter).
Naturally Rivkah finds all this very charming, and then – oh no – StarDrifter shows up. She tells him she’s leaving with Azhure and StarDrifter is all “aw shit, now I can’t sexually assault her any more!”. Just to make everything even more uncomfortable, Axis shows up as well. He’s noticed that Azhure’s been avoiding him since the – ahem – incident, and is all jealous and possessive. He goes to kiss Azhure purely in order to annoy StarDrifter, but – hah! – Azhure dodges and makes him look like an idiot with his lips hanging in the air. Azhure thinks about how she’s driven a wedge between the two of them and how the Prophecy can’t afford to have them “torn apart by jealousy over her”.
She wonders why the hell she didn’t just walk away from the pair of them last night. Because you were under the influence of Magic Rohypnol, that’s why. You can dress it up and call it “magic” all you like, but if it removes anybody’s ability to say no to sex, it’s a date rape drug and I’ll be damned if I’m calling it anything else.
Rivkah, bless her, announces that they’re leaving and adds that they’ve had enough of this Enchanter bullshit. StarDrifter says he’ll see her there, and Rivkah makes a catty remark about how it’s really Azhure he’s interested in seeing.
StarDrifter makes a move to kiss Azhure as well, but she avoids that too. Look asshole, she’s already made it clear that she’s not interested in you. Back the fuck off.
Since this is the sort of misogynistic bullshit story it is, Azhure is only worried about “alienating” StarDrifter and keeps her mouth shut in case she says anything “ill-considered”. Empowered woman my butt.
StarDrifter makes a little speech to Axis, telling him he’s managed to out-charm his daddy (what “charm”? This guy’s as charming as a brick to the face), and that Azhure “made her choice” (…no, she really didn’t), and it’s all good, no hard feelings bro.
Might I add, he says this in front of Azhure.
Axis hugs Daddy Rapist, and Azhure and Rivkah both have this “yeah, not buying it” reaction, which is actually rather amusing.
Not amusing in the slightest however is the next scene in which they finally leave and Ogden and Veremund keep “comically” bickering. And it’s the exact same argument they had last time, except now they’re arguing about who brought their magically appearing white donkeys. It wasn’t funny last time, and it’s not funny this time either.
Excuse me – I’m just going to take a moment to fantacise about blowing their heads off with a shotgun. Mmm, feels good.
Cut back to Axis, who is also saying his goodbyes. MorningStar is there, and she’s sulking because she didn’t get with him last night. You are sick, MorningStar. Sick, sick, sick. And so was the author for writing you.
Axis, meanwhile, plans to learn from the Charonites (what precisely are they gonna teach him? It’s never come up), and is going to ask them about the rogue SunSoar enchanter who trained him and Gorgrael. MorningStar points out that someone that powerful can disguise himself, and it could be anybody. Even someone very close to Axis. What is this, The Thing?
This isn’t foreshadowing anything, by the way. The culprit isn’t any of the important named characters we’ve met. When you do find out who it is, your reaction is going to be either “oh, okay, whatever” or quite possibly “…wait, who was that again?”
Cut to some time later as Axis enters the waterways StarDrifter and co. used in the last book as a shortcut. There he meets the nameless Ferryman and calls in the favour Rivkah got from him before. He asks the guy to teach him everything he knows and the Ferryman is like “yeah, sure thing bro, that’s the whole reason I’m still alive”.
You just know you’re dealing with Epic Sue when certain characters are only alive to serve their interests. I mean really.
The next chapter goes to Faraday, who’s angsting about that vision she had where Axis and Borneheld fight to the death.
Poor, poor Borneheld. (No really, when you see how the guy dies you’re gonna feel extremely sorry for him too).
She’s now in the Chamber of Moons, as she and Borneheld arrived at the capital four days ago (thankyou author, for skipping over the long boring journey to get there). King Priam, Lord of Afros, is there bickering with Borneheld. He yells at him for losing the battle against the Skraelings, and adds that he heard Borneheld only escaped “through Axis’ bravery”.
Because as usual it’s all Axis, Axis, Axis. Channel Axis: All Axis, All the Time. I really wish more authors realised that the more your characters fawn over the hero, the more readers are going to dislike him. Quite frankly every time someone starts rabbiting on about how "brave" and "noble" Axis is, the more I want him to die horribly.
Naturally Borneheld is pissed off, and says Axis has allied himself with the Forbidden, and Priam answers that apparently Axis believes everyone should ally with them, and then calls Axis his nephew. There follows a classic example of bad writing:
"Faraday, as everyone else in the room, took a huge, incredulous breath. Priam had never publicly acknowledged Axis as his nephew previously!"
This is absolutely textbook bad writing. “Telling”, forced “emotion”, use of an exclamation mark in prose… it’s just bad, bad, bad. It's worse than Paolini levels of bad, quite honestly.
Priam then invokes the stupid Prophecy, and Faraday is all “yay, if the King allies with Axis I can have my wuvvums back!” You poor fool.
She sees Gilbert and Jayme whispering and thinks “contemptuously” about how much the Seneschal sucks and how soon they’ll lose their power and “the Mother and the Star Gods [will] once more spread their joy over this wondrous land”.
First of all, this is religious intolerance. You used to be a believer in Artor yourself, Faraday – remember that? And so was your mother. Whether you think it’s true or not doesn’t change the fact that this is people’s god you’re talking about, and it very likely brings them joy and meaning in their lives. But no, now you’re arrogantly convinced that you’ve found the correct religion, all that can go die and you’d be quite happy to see the entire belief system burned to the ground just because you don’t like it.
But making everyone bow down to a different god you do approve of? Yeah, that’s just fine and dandy.
And second, how the hell does Faraday know anything about the Star Gods? We barely know anything about them. For all you know the Star Gods demand human sacrifices every week!
So you can shut your self-righteous, ignorant piehole right now, Faraday. And I say that as a lifelong atheist.
Anyway, Borneheld blows his stack and Priam kicks him out, saying that if he’s not going to be reasonable and join the Axis Fan Club, Priam’s gonna reconsider “my choice of both WarLord and heir!”.
Borneheld storms off, and on the way out Priam calls after Faraday and says the Queen would like to have lunch with her tomorrow.
The moment they’re outside Borneheld flies into an even bigger rage and yells about how Priam’s off his rocker. He also yells at Faraday, who snaps back that she only cares about The Good of the People, as opposed to his power-hungry ass. Borneheld calls her a sanctimonious bitch, and I want to give him a medal for that.
Then Gilbert shows up and says he wants to talk about what they discussed back at their last meeting, hint, hint. Borneheld immediately cheers up and sends a suspicious Faraday away. She finds a window to look out of, and thinks about how Priam has made it clear he’s considering making Axis his heir, and then she cries some “tears of hope”. She’s this close to breaking into a rendition of “Someday my Prince Will Come”, I swear.
Boy is she in for a nasty shock.
30 comments
[1]
snarkbotanya
April 28 2018, 22:25:29
Aaargh, I've been called out on my lateness in public? Dammit Epi! >_<
Shouldn't that be "loath"?
Yes. Yes it should.
(Straight guys reading this, take note: Talk like this to most women and you'll need her shoe removed from your arse shortly thereafter).
Indeed. Unless you're a customer, in which case I'll keep up the friendly face and then glare daggers at you when nobody is looking and badmouth you to my coworkers for being such a chauvinistic douchebag at the end of the day. And I usually avoid talking shit about customers.
what “charm”? This guy’s as charming as a brick to the face
I wouldn't even give him that much credit. A brick to the face is positively delightful compared to StarDeadbeat or Axis Power the Blond Aryan Ubermensch.
and that Azhure “made her choice”
A "choice" which was basically some kind of horrifying date-rape version of a false dichotomy. She was given the choice of sleeping with either StarDrifter or Axis, when she should have been allowed the third option of not sleeping with anyone. *slaps Douglass's ghost* BAD WRITER, NO TREAT.
[1A]
theepistler
April 29 2018, 11:36:12
Yes. Yes it should.
Bad editor! No cookie for you! *sprays editor with hose*
Indeed. Unless you're a customer
I really hate how basic human decency goes out the proverbial window the moment people realise they're in a position where they can get away with it. Just about every time I go to the supermarket the poor sods who work there go into "please don't hurt me" mode the instant it looks like I might complain about something. It's so depressing.
A brick to the face is positively delightful compared to StarDeadbeat or Axis Power the Blond Aryan Ubermensch.
At least the brick didn't do it on purpose, or congratulate itself for hitting you in the face.
A "choice" which was basically some kind of horrifying date-rape version of a false dichotomy.
Yeah, are we really supposed to just ignore the whole magical coercion thing? Really, author?
(Given her track record of writing rape as no big deal and often leading to True Love, the answer is clearly no. Get bent, author).
[1B]
theepistler
April 29 2018, 11:49:23
Aaargh, I've been called out on my lateness in public? Dammit Epi! >_<
Get your lazy butt in gear or I'll... I'll... be mean to your cat!
[2]
Anonymous
April 29 2018, 03:39:06
*Raises hand*
In books when the world is teetering towards destruction why do some authors force love triangles and who is sleeping with who on us?
[2A]
theepistler
April 29 2018, 10:58:44
Good question. Shouldn't these idiots have more important things on their minds?
It came up in Harry Potter too, except it was certain parts of the fandom who cared more about who was going to end up screwing who than, y'know, stopping Wizard Hitler from murdering everyone. More sensible people were like "Dude, this isn't a romance novel. There's a magical WAR brewing. People's lives are at stake! Who CARES if Draco and Hermione get together?!". Needless to say the shippers wouldn't listen.
[3]
cmdrnemo (from 64.180.77.89)
April 29 2018, 04:39:38
Right, so as the resident pro evil option advocate. I'm going to put a link here and suggest something silly and or evil. Sorry.
https://imgur.com/gallery/RPbt2
TLDR: Back in the day women were social required to say no to men's advances whether they wanted to or not. Logically if you must say "no" even when you mean "yes" you have no way to say either. Your "No" only ever means "maybe."
To an audience encoded with that dynamic the men in this book come out slightly better. Not great. But, substantially less rapey. Unfortunately the book itself doesn't show a culture in that position. The women in this story are much more open about what they want. This ruins a lot of what I can only hope the author was going for. Her magic sex drug was probably supposed to be little more than a sugar pill. An excuse for the women to get what they wanted anyways. Except when the women can already have whatever they want... Star Drifter was, hopefully, meant to only misunderstand what was supposed to be a "not now" for a "this is scandalous and therefor exciting."
Unfortunately because the book doesn't present the culture it needs to for any of this to work. It doesn't work.
[3A]
snarkbotanya
April 29 2018, 06:45:41
I would argue that even if it did present that culture, it would still be horrible. It might push some of the culpability from the characters to the society in which they were raised, but being raised in a society where "your 'no' only ever means 'maybe'" still basically amounts to a "not if you enjoyed it" justification. Even if a woman only says no because that's what's expected of her, the fact remains that she said no, and that no should be respected. Plus, people have been saying "yes" despite societal expectations forfuckingever. As a modern example, we can point to the catastrophic failure of abstinence-only "education" in the US, where states that require abstinence-only instead of actual sex ed have the highest teen pregnancy rates. Societal pressure does not stop people from having sex; it just serves to make that sex more problematic.
In Azhure's case, it's pretty clear that, had she not been under the influence of the magical date rape drug, she would have said no. To illustrate, here's an excerpt from the actual scene. Emphasis is mine.
She moaned, her hands clenching by her side, knowing that her blood demanded of her that she choose, hating herself, knowing that she could not walk away.
Azhure wanted to say no, to the point that being unable to makes her hate herself. Is her desire to say "no" a result of societal pressure? Irrelevant question. Is she attracted to Axis and/or StarDrifter? Also an irrelevant question. The reasons she did not want to have sex do not matter, only that she did not want to have sex, and that should have been a choice available to her.
TL;DR: The fact that a society creates the conditions for date rape does not make it not date rape. It only means that society is fucked up.
[3A1]
ghostwyvern
April 29 2018, 07:23:04
To add to your argument, even in societies where women were expected to say no, that was primarily among wealthier people. Your average peasants in ye olde medieval times probably slept together before ever being officially married. And, even if they did say no, they had customary signals for courting that would've made that "no is always maybe" mythical anyway. Women were not supposed to seem to initiate courting, and yet they often did so in nonverbal ways, i.e. conveniently dropping a kerchief for a fancied suitor to retrieve. If you write a society like that, then you need to be able to convey the body language and other cues that the woman actually is or is not consenting, and do so in such a way that the reader clearly understands. As written, Azhure clearly did not consent but had her consent overridden by the magical date rape drug. Furthermore, modern society is far enough removed from the days when no might mean yes if the woman gave certain specific signals, that it would still be inadvisable to write a society structured in that way--modern readers are unlikely to read it in the way it is intended.
[3A2]
theepistler
April 29 2018, 11:12:32
Yeaaaah, I really wasn't kidding when I called this a rape scene. It's beyond obvious that she doesn't want to do it and is FORCED to let Axis fuck her. And he's such an asshole he doesn't even know if she remembers being fucked by him and is totally okay with it! No remorse whatsoever!
Unfortunately, this is a running theme in this series. In the sequel trilogy about Axis' almost entirely awful offspring, another woman is raped by a guy (and this time the guy absolutely makes it happen on purpose with some sort of bullshit magic brainwashing spell). The end result? SHE FALLS IN LOVE WITH HIM. It's basically the Azhure storyline, but even worse.
In the trilogy after that? The "hero" deliberately sets a woman up to be GANG-RAPED (and severely beaten in the process). And... she falls in love with him afterwards.
The cherry on the sundae of awfulness? The guy in question is StarDrifter.
So I really don't think you could call "coincidence" or "mistake" on this one. This author is a rape apologist. And again, people called this series "feminist" with "strong female characters".
[3A2A]
cmdrnemo
April 29 2018, 11:44:53
Well, I tried to find an excuse for this mess to be less than completely evil.
[3A2A1]
theepistler
April 29 2018, 13:29:43
Yeah, some things are so irredeemably vile that there's really no way to play devil's advocate for them without looking like an asshole. :-/
[3A2B]
hergrim
April 29 2018, 18:43:36
In the trilogy after that? The "hero" deliberately sets a woman up to be GANG-RAPED (and severely beaten in the process). And... she falls in love with him afterwards. The cherry on the sundae of awfulness? The guy in question is StarDrifter
Oh Jesus Christ. Every time I think that the series can't get worse, it did. I seriously regret giving my books away to a used book store.
[3A2B1]
theepistler
April 29 2018, 19:26:28
I can't remember what I did with mine - I think I also gave them away. I wish I hadn't. I wish I had them right here. So I could set them on fire.
[3A2C]
snarkbotanya
April 29 2018, 19:23:26
In the trilogy after that? The "hero" deliberately sets a woman up to be GANG-RAPED (and severely beaten in the process). And... she falls in love with him afterwards. The cherry on the sundae of awfulness? The guy in question is StarDrifter.
...
I... I think I need to think for a moment...
Sometimes you can only fight horror with horror.
[3A2C1]
snarkbotanya
April 29 2018, 19:33:21
I am now having a "cannot unsee" reaction to this. This is the first time I have ever had a "cannot unsee" reaction to something I drew. SERIOUSLY, BRAIN, WHY DID YOU DO THIS?
[3A2C2]
theepistler
April 29 2018, 19:37:33
Oh dear someone else's GOD.
You captured the epic rapeface we all know and... uh, know too.
*scrubs eyeballs*
I'd mention that you accidentally left off StarDrifter's wings, but by a weird coincidence the gang rape thing actually happens after he gets them torn off. (And shortly before he grows a new and more attractive pair for absolutely no reason. Naturally).
[3A2C2A]
snarkbotanya
April 29 2018, 19:48:16
I actually redid Saphira's leering smile, like, three times before it looked suitably creepy. Then I stepped back and looked at the finished work, and was horrified at my own creation.
I'd mention that you accidentally left off StarDrifter's wings, but by a weird coincidence the gang rape thing actually happens after he gets them torn off.
...I'll chalk that one up to my freakish luck striking again...
[3A2C2A1]
theepistler
April 29 2018, 19:51:27 Edited: April 29 2018, 19:51:42
If Saphira is unavailable, I'm up for him getting raped by a facehugger instead. Let him find out what it's like to be impregnated with a baby that kills you horribly when it comes out.
[3A2C2A1A]
snarkbotanya
April 29 2018, 19:53:39
Oooohh... yeeeeeeeees, facehuggers would be quite poetic justice, wouldn't they? And the fact that it could result in xenomorphs with wings isn't so bad if they're just destroying Tencendor...
[3A2C2A1A1]
theepistler
April 29 2018, 20:00:48
Agreed. Fuck Tencendor and everyone in it. Just about the only people I don't wish would get eaten by piranhas by this point are Rivkah and Borneheld, and maybe Faraday.
[3A2C2A1A1A]
snarkbotanya
April 29 2018, 20:03:10
Rivkah seems relatively nice, though that might just be because we haven't spent enough time with her for Douglass to turn her into a horrible person. Borneheld is definitely far more sympathetic than any of the "heroes". Faraday is a bit more ambiguous... she's an arrogant cock, but she's also young and naive and basically being treated as a puppet by all the "forces of good", not to mention the author hates her and wants to murder her horribly.
[3A2C2A1A1A1]
theepistler
April 29 2018, 20:26:34
You can sort of sympathise with Faraday and Borneheld if only because they both get such shabby treatment from their author. But of course, feeling sorry for someone isn't the same thing as them actually being nice or sympathetic. Borneheld is still a raging jackass and Faraday is still an idiot and a dishonest little jerk. The difference is that they actually have problems that aren't instantly solved for them, and aren't constantly praised by the narrator for being Totally Awesome. After all, when you're in the desert you'll drink any nasty old water you can get you hands on, even if it's - ugh - tonic water.
Rivkah genuinely is a nice character. Well, mostly. The only hateful thing she's done so far is completely fail to recognise that StarDrifter is a horrible repulsive rapist and act accordingly. Which basically makes her his enabler, given that she personally witnessed him assaulting Azhure and did nothing. ...Okay, maybe she's not that nice after all. I'm reminded of that monster Marion Zimmer Bradley, who married a guy knowing he was a pedophile, and then went on to cover up his crimes for him and acted like it was no big deal that he kept molesting young boys.
[3A2C2A1A1A1A]
snarkbotanya
April 29 2018, 21:15:13
Well, Rivkah didn't know how awful StarDrifter was until after she married him... and even though she eventually left the marriage, it still takes a lot to face the cognitive dissonance of "this person I spent x years of my life with is a rapist". So you can kind of see why she wouldn't want to recognize StarDrifter's repulsiveness. It's not right, but... well, it's a thing brains do.
[3A2C2A1A1A1A1]
theepistler
April 29 2018, 21:36:17
That does make sense, though unfortunately it's quite clear that the author didn't see it as an assault either.
[3A2C2A1A1A1B]
hergrim
April 30 2018, 10:50:45
Of course she protected her pedophile husband. Why wouldn't she, when she was one herself? She abused her own daughter between the ages of 3 and 12.
[3A2C2A1A1A1B1]
theepistler
April 30 2018, 12:06:34
Why not indeed. It was one of the first red flags to go up that she herself was a predator (depressingly, some tried to pretend she didn't know about it). -_-
[3A2C2A1A1A1B1A]
ghostwyvern
May 1 2018, 05:33:27
I have only read one thing from Marion Zimmer-Bradley. I wasn't overly impressed by her writing, and it was before I knew about the pedophilia. After I found out about it, I never had any interest in reading anything of hers again. For similar reasons, due to police finding child and animal gore porn in his home after his death, I don't want to listen to or hear any of Michael Jackson's music. If you listen to the lyrics, and are aware what he got away with, his music becomes creepy and disgusting. Makes me angry every time I hear it, and yet he remains popular. Though I'm pretty sure Marion Zimmer-Bradley is also popular despite what she and her husband did.
[3A2C2A1A1A1B1A1]
theepistler
May 1 2018, 22:12:02
I read The Mists of Avalon, and hated it. It was boring, the characters sucked, and reading it made me really uncomfortable for some reason. I think on some level I could tell the person who wrote it was sick in the head.
For similar reasons, due to police finding child and animal gore porn in his home after his death, I don't want to listen to or hear any of Michael Jackson's music.
They found WHAT?
My gods, I knew about the pedophilia charges, but holy shit.
[3B]
theepistler
April 29 2018, 11:05:49
That was a thing in the Earth's Children series by Jean Auel - the implausibly blonde and beautiful cavewoman protagonist was raised by Neanderthals, and in their culture if a man demands sex from a woman she has to say yes. It was a crappy series with an obnoxious Sue protagonist, but it did at least show confusion and jealousy resulting from this later on when she returns to her own people, who are all feminist and enlightened and shit. Because she doesn't understand their different social mores, she cheats on her One True Love purely because another guy took an interest in her and she didn't realise she had the right to turn him down.
[4]
hergrim
April 29 2018, 19:14:04
Axis gives them permission, then says the Strike Force has to go back to Talon Spike for more training until Belial has “established a supply route strong enough to feed both his men and the Strike Force”. That’s… surprisingly sensible and realistic. Paolini should take notes. Unlike him, this author is aware that warfare – and especially medieval warfare – is often a slow business. Armies take a long time to move around and things have to be properly set up, plus you have to take the seasons and rationing into acount. All of which Axis covers here. Finally that PhD is showing.
That's true, but sending a small portion of the Strike Force - possibly on a rotating basis - to provide scouting and to undergo seasoning would have been a better idea. It would have allowed for raids against the Skraelings during summer (presumably when they're least effective) and given them a better understanding of the terrain. Winter campaigns suck, but knowing the best routes to avoid the worst of the mud and rivers and having stockpiles of food, fodder and firewood would greatly ease it. They could also help secure the supply routes and search out new sources.