Enchanter Sporking: Part Eighteen
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theepistler wrote in antishurtugal, 2018-05-30 11:11:00
LOCATION: Toronto, Canada
MOOD:
enragedMUSIC: K.C and the Sunshine Band - Shake Your Body
Enchanter Sporking: Part Eighteen
The next chapter opens with SpikeFeather, who for some reason relating to his recent healing has conveniently forgotten the details of what happened. Meanwhile EvenSong is also pretty beaten up (this was mentioned in the last chapter but her injuries went completely ignored by our charming heroes). Rivkah watches her unconscious and angsts about how she hoped EvenSong would have “the peaceful, contented existence that Rivkah had been denied”, instead of which she’s lost her boyfriend and is now wounded and her “soul [is] fatally stricken”, etc. Poor baby. Don’t ask me why I should be expected to give a damn about any of this. EvenSong is almost as much of a nonentity as FreeFall was. She has maybe one token character trait, which is being angry and bad tempered all the time. Which is neither interesting nor endearing and basically just makes her Axis 2.0 with boobs.
We also get an excuse as to why Axis couldn’t heal her – because he can only “recreate the dying” but not heal ordinary wounds.
Why not just stab EvenSong in the liver and then get Axis to do his super duper special Deus Ex Machina get-out-of-death-free card thing? I’m just saying. It’s not as if using it has any negative consequences or anything. Also - uh, moron? Magic ring? Infinite spells? You see what I meant when I said the ring plus most of Axis much vaunted powers were 100% pointless?
I should stop calling it "magic" and just start calling it "plot convenience", because that's what it is.
A bunch of other characters show up and Axis is all “I need to know what a gryphon is and why the Icarii are so scared of them”. Oh, so the Icarii do have a history with the things? When were you planning to tell me about that, author?
Axis asks EvenSong to tell him what’s going on, and after some obligatory congratulating of Axis for being so special and amazing and wonderful, EvenSong has a bit of a cry and thinks about how no-one will ever know what a terrible struggle it was to get SpikeFeather back alive and all the shock and horror and such. Because we couldn’t possibly have actually, y’know… seen any of that happen. No, I’d much rather read endless chapters of Sues hanging around being praised and accomplishing absolutely nothing of interest.
EvenSong talks about how they scouted around, and were eventually attacked at dawn. It’s noted that Axis told them dawn and sunset were the worst time of day to be flying, and the author actually adds “and how did he know that?”. Wait, is she pointing out her own implausibilities now? Because that’s still my job, lady.
Either way the gryphons took advantage and attacked from above by landing on the Icarii’s backs, grabbing them under the wings and ripping them to shreds. She describes how she rescued SpikeFeather from one, and it’s all dramatic, and Axis thinks about what a shocking thing that must have been to witness firsthand.
Which is why we’re getting it dictated to us after the fact rather than actually shown on screen. Of course. Sure it might have been tense and exciting, but that would have meant spending time away from the Sues, and we can’t have that, now can we?
Now MorningStar starts infodumping about gryphons. Apparently they lived six THOUSAND years ago and hung out in the mountains like the Icarii. Apparently they’re intelligent but “they also hated”. Hated what? The Icarii, apparently.
Because it can’t just be that the gryphons were predators or something like that. No, no, they have to be eeeevil and full of hate. Just like how your cat is eeevil and full of hate because she likes catching mice. This is so incredibly childish.
Either way the Icarii first formed the Strike Force at some point and wiped out the species. Hooray for genocide and driving other creatures to extinction! But because the entire species is eeeevil, it’s okay to slaughter them all along with the pups and pregnant females (yes, it’s specifically mentioned that they wiped out “their young, their breeding grounds”). I'm getting some major Ra'zac flashbacks right now.
By the way, you can tell the gryphons are eeevil because they have glowing red eyes.
Seriously. Glowing red eyes. This kind of shit was old hat in the 60s.
Anyway, it seems the eeevil gryphons are now on their way to Jervois Landing, and Azhure says what’s going to happen with that, and Axis replies that they’re going to have to step in or the place is doomed. Oh, now you give a damn, huh?
That night Axis and Azhure sit with Caelum who… uh, is noted to be naked for some damn reason. Why did we need to know that? Needless to say the Sue baby is all cute and adorable and happy. Rather than, say, crying or gumming and drooling on something.
Again – Hollywood Baby. Caelum does not for one second come across as an actual infant – more a cute 100% hygienic little doll for his parents to play with.
Azhure asks Axis how he feels about helping out Borneheld, and Axis whines about how he’d happily go to the aid of Jervois Landing if anyone other than eeevil Borneheld was in charge of the place. For the last fucking time, Axis, get. Over. Yourself. Borneheld has done NOTHING to you. If anything, you screwed him over. You stole his fiancee, you inspired his most loyal troops to abandon him in an extremely dangerous situation, you keep deliberately making him look stupid in front of everyone – the guy has every right to hate your guts! And he still had the decency and common sense to make a truce with you, while YOU stood there openly bragging about being the Chosen One and demanding that he kowtow to you when you weren’t threatening his life!
Fuck you, Axis. Fuck you fuck you fuck you. I hate your stupid spoilt smug asshole face. I wish you’d get chained to a damn great rock while giant acid-spewing ravens picked your liver and kidneys out and ate them for elevenses. I wish you’d get kidnapped and tortured to death by IS and your head put on a spike. You’re the worst fucking excuse for a hero since Eragon and that asshole Richard Rahl. You are a horrible, horrible person. That I’m expected to like you is fucking insulting.
…wow, this book is really starting to piss me off. I tend to exaggerate the rage here and there to make it funnier (because seeing your humble sporker suffer is half of what makes sporks entertaining to read), but right now I am honestly ticked off for real.
Moving right along, it’s time for more praise for the Sue Baby! In case you care, Caelum has his mother’s “colouring”, ie “black curly locks, pale skin and smoky blue eyes”. I’ve said it before, but what the hell do “smoky blue eyes” look like? Oh, and he wuvs his daddy and gets sad when he’s not around. Don’t do it, Caelum! It’s a trap! If you idolise this guy you’ll grow up trying to emulate him!
(Too late. I’ve read ahead. I know what Adult Caelum is like and yes, he’s just as bad if not worse than Axis. Which is, you’ll have noticed, saying a lot).
Azhure starts nursing the brat, and Axis listens to the “Star Dance as it danced about and between them”. Whatever the hell that even means.
Getting back on topic, Axis says that Borneheld fights for the Acharites (ie humans) and “the continuation of a world that is safe and known”. While he, Axis, fights for three different people and “the recreation of an old world”. But both of them are fighting Gorgrael.
So…?
Azhure asks if he actually wants to recreate the Good Old Days, and Axis says no, because “Tencendor was not the land of myth and glory that the Icarii would have us believe”.
And he knows this… how?
Instead he wants to make a new Tencendor, where everyone is treated equally. Huh, finally he has an opinion I can actually agree with. And it’s even slightly, well, heroic.
But never mind about that! Because we now go to an omniscient narrator mid-scene, who informs us that while this cuddly little situation is going on, the gryphons attack Jervois Landing. Or rather “the Gryphon attacked”, because apparently in this universe gryphon is both plural and singular. You know, like with sheep. I don’t know if that’s technically correct or not, but it reads awkwardly to me.
Anyhoo they swoop down on the trenches, and Borneheld – who not being a coward is out risking his life on the front lines again – barely escapes the first attack. Instead Nevelon – the guy Azhure shot through the hand – gets carried off and dies.
Borneheld exclaims “Artor’s blow-hole!” as blood falls from the sky, which is one of the weirder exclamations I’ve ever heard (especially given that Artor is a humanoid god who does not have a blowhole).
He says it’s the Forbidden, but Demi Moore says no, it’s something “far, far worse”.
Well, given how useless the Icarii are, that’s really not a very scary or intimidating thing to say, Demi. And the chapter ends on this “ominous” note.
Yup, with Borneheld continuing to go into horrible danger with zero special magical powers or author favour, while Axis – the alleged hero – is living in luxury and playing with his Sue Baby while his smoking hot girlfriend looks on.
And that, gentle readers, is why doing special favours for your protagonists is so rarely a good idea. Because it makes them look like spoilt, selfish brats.
It only gets worse as the next chapter cuts to Demi. He’s barely rested in three freaking days, and everyone’s having an absolutely appalling time. It’s basically the trenches of WW1 by this point – people are freezing to death, there’s knee-deep mud everywhere, and a shitload of people are being killed by frostbite and gangrene.
The Skraelings are still on the offensive, and are growing stronger and more intelligent as they consume more victims, and now at last we have a genuinely fraught situation which shows the terrible odds our heroes are up aga- Oh, except Borneheld isn’t the hero. No, that would be Axis, currently doing absolutely nothing.
I’m going to take a short break here to explain something important, writing wise.
One of the key things that makes a hero heroic is risk. A truly courageous hero is someone who is prepared to risk everything – first and foremost their own life, health and safety – for the sake of a higher purpose. In doing so, a true hero makes sacrifices and sometimes even lays down their life for the sake of that purpose.
Badly written non-heroes like Axis, however, risk nothing. Sure, Axis occasionally goes into battle, but we all know he’s going to come out completely unscathed, because he’s always got some sort of magic doohickey that lets him win with minimal effort. A key example: the “climactic” battle of the last book, where not only was he completely unhurt, but he didn’t even lose any troops.
So far, Axis has sacrificed nothing. He still has all his friends with him, he’s still in good health, he doesn’t have to be separated from his girlfriend or his kid, he has a nice comfortable home. The guy is sitting pretty.
And that is never going to change. The only “bad” thing that’s going to happen to Axis is eventually having to face Faraday when she finds out he cheated on her. And that's going to slide right off him like water on the proverbial duck’s back.
Meanwhile Borneheld is out in the middle of appalling danger with no magic, no author favour, and minimal plot armour. He’s lost his home, his friends, his mother, the happy marriage he thought he had – everything. And yet he’s still fighting for what he believes is right. He’s not giving up despite the impossible odds, and is clearly prepared to die if it means protecting his Kingdom and its people.
Yeah, Axis isn’t a hero. Borneheld is the only hero here. And all he’s going to get for his trouble is… well, let’s just say it’s one of the most horrible things I have ever seen an author do to a character. And apparently according to an interview, it was partly just because the author had… uh, had a bad day, so she made Borneheld’s fate extra ghastly to read about.
Taking out your bad mood on one of your characters. Real mature.
Demi Moore isn’t helping, as he’s been secretly sending small groups of his guys to Sigholt, where they aren’t needed, while the defenses here are wearing thin and they barely have enough guys to hold the front line. Well fuck you too, Demi. I take back what I said earlier – this guy is just as selfish and irresponsible as Margarita.
After several pages of this, Axis’ pet eagle shows up. It starts talking telepathically to Demi. As before it speaks with Axis’ voice, and asks him for an update. Demi just takes this in his stride, and naturally Axis takes the opportunity to be a snot to him, because when does that guy ever miss an opportunity to be rude and snotty to people?
Finally Eagle Axis says he’s going to send the Strike Force to help out, and Demi is all like “he’s going to help even though he hates Bornheld OMG he so noble and shit!”. Shut up, Demi.
Axis asks him to spread some propaganda about how the Icarii are coming to help teh peoples and such, which of course Demi agrees to.
Cut to Borneheld, chilling at the Tired Seagull again, where he sees the Icarii arrive to attack the Skraelings. He’s still referring to them as “lizards”. How many lizards are there in Tencendor anyway? I’ll give you a hint: Lizards don’t like places where it snows.
Demi tells Borneheld they’re here to help – and again, we’re getting a potentially exciting battle happening off-screen in favour of more talking. Borneheld orders everyone not to mention the Icarii to anyone and pretend they’re not there, but –
...oh, for fuck’s sake.
Down on the ground Borneheld’s troops “turn[ed] unbelieving eyes to the sky” and witness the glory of the Icarii and blah blah blah it’s so amazing, after which a few random soldiers start going on about how great the Icarii are and someone called Inari – no idea who he is – declares that “they are sent by the StarMan of Prophecy to aid us and to save Achar”, and hooray, it’s time for even more Sue worshipping! It’s got to have been, oh, at least a page since the last time that happened.
Cut to the Icarii general FarSight in the sky (finally), as he directs his troops to shoot the shit out of the Skraelings. Then the author just starts summarising, and we get a boring infodump about how their attack “strengthened from above” over the next few days (where are the damn gryphons now?), and down on the ground the Corolean mercenaries suddenly want to know all about Axis and that fucking prophecy, and soon everybody’s talking about it.
We’re informed that the Ravensbundmen “served the Prophecy and the StarMan well” by spreading the prophecy and a bunch of information about Icarii culture. In other words they’re basically Axis’ Ministry of Truth now. Lovely.
Cut back to Axis, and we get more descriptions of Icarii vs Skraeling battles from his POV as he uses the eagle to command everyone from a distance. But again, it’s all just dispassionate summary about logistics and arrow supplies and tactics and blah blah blah. There’s no tension whatsoever. No sense of danger. Axis isn’t even present. (Because again, he risks nothing and sacrifices nothing. Some hero).
Naturally because the Icarii are under the command of the – ugh – StarMan and are Better Than You, they basically wipe out the Skraelings in ten freaking days, while the humans on the ground praise and admire them and start thinking about how great they are and how maybe it’s all lies that they’re eeevil, and maybe they should start worshipping Axi- uh, the “Star Dance” instead of Artor. Yup, changing people’s lifelong views is still Just That Easy.
We’re then blandly informed that “After a thousand years, and despite the lingering hatreds of the Wars of the Axe, Icarii and Acharite again shared common purpose”.
What “lingering hatreds”? And couldn’t this have been shown in an actual scene? This is supposed to be a big turning point in the story, so why is it being dictated in summary, rather than built up to and shown on the page? ARGH.
Back at Sigholt the Icarii mingle with the humans and indoctrinate the children with all this stuff about how great they are.
Uh, I mean, they “play” with the kids. Yeah, that’s it. Now we finally get to see them actually interact with people, as they hang out and eat and sing with the humans and the author dictates that the Icarii are finding that “many of their age-old beliefs about the Acharites were as false as the Acharite’s beliefs about them”.
Again – what beliefs? What prejudices do Icarii have against humans? I don’t know because, as usual, the author couldn’t be bothered to go into that.
Finally we learn that Azhure is a complete idiot who shouldn’t be trusted with anybody’s children, as she starts riding out on patrols with her soldiers… and takes Caelum with her. Seriously. She’s taking a baby out into hostile territory. In a sling on her back, next to her arrows. And literally the only person who objects to this is Belial, and he’s rewarded with a stare from her with “cold, flat eyes”. Yeah, how dare he show concern for the baby whose life she’s risking for no fucking reason?
What a jerk.
We then get an infodump about how awesome Azhure’s Sue Horse is, because of course we do, and then we cut back to Axis for even more Azhure worship. Here it is for your consideration.
Axis then moves on to worrying that maybe Azhure is really WolfStar, and keeps trying to deny it to himself that maybe she’s the prophecised traitor. I really wish he was right, because as I’ve mentioned before it would make this ridiculous bullshit actually make sense. But nope! No plot twists can ever make the author’s favourites anything other than perfect and wonderful.
Yet again Axis thinks about how she has “too much compassion and love within herself to be WolfStar”. I’ve still yet to see any evidence that Azhure is either compassionate or loving, author. Isn’t this the same woman who boasted about how she would have murdered Borneheld unarmed in his own bed if she had the chance?
He then moves on from angsting about that to looking at the new buildings now going up – his allies and the refugees are building a town which “with a singular lack of imagination… [they] had named Lakesview”. Don’t throw stones when you live in that particular glass house, author. Remember – you’re the one who thought “Tree Friend” and “StarMan” were a good idea.
Also, nice job of making Axis look like an arrogant little shit. You know, again. You wouldn't want to risk letting anyone actually like this guy after all.
Cut back to Borneheld, without so much as a line break. Apparently when he found out about the whole “people learning about the Icarii” thing, he went berserk.
Meanwhile Roland is feeling like shit thanks to the stomach cancer and “no longer respect[s] Borneheld”. Oh sure, just ditch the guy and stab him in the back like everyone else, you asshole.
Meanwhile Gautier is still on Borneheld’s side, but that’s just because he’s eeevil (and we all know he’s going to die horribly for it sooner or later). He points out that it’s probably the Ravendsbund spreading it around, and – good fuck, is this chapter still going?
Borneheld orders Gautier to flush out the “traitors”, and he heads off to do just that. We now go to Gautier’s POV, and he disguises himself as a peasant and walks around, listening in on people. He soon finds a bunch of Ravensbund blathering on about the stupid prophecy “to a group of wide-eyed Acharite and Corolean soldiers”. These guys sure are easily impressed.
Three Ravensbund are arrested and taken to Borneheld, who questions them about what they’ve been doing. Two of them get names despite never appearing again for reasons which will soon become obvious, and they “bravely” refuse to deny anything and go on about how the Icarii deserve to be honoured, while thinking about how they will “die serving the prophecy” and the “pride of their ancient race” and so on and so forth. The fact that one of them is named Funado isn’t helping me to take this scene all that seriously. It sounds like an exciting new ice cream sundae from McDonald’s, FFS.
Anyway, Borneheld loses his rag at this point and orders the three of them to be crucified. ...Wow, he actually did something genuinely cruel and nasty for once. I’m impressed.
I’m less impressed by the Ravensbund, who apparently didn’t have the sense to spread anti-Borneheld propaganda quietly. I mean really – what did they think was going to happen?
Cut to Demi being shown the three dead guys hanging from their crosses. Funny, I thought crucifixion was supposed to be one of those executions where it took hours or even days for the victims to die. Isn’t that half the point? But no, this is clearly the same day, very soon after Borneheld gave the order.
And as I’ve mentioned earlier, Axis is also going to go on to crucify a bunch of people who pissed him off, so no points awarded here for making Borneheld look worse than him, which let’s face it is pretty much impossible by this point. Basically the only evil things Axis hasn’t done so far are child abuse and cruelty to animals, and I wouldn’t put either of those things past him in the slightest.
Borneheld goes on about the “lie” of the Forbidden being allies, and in a weird reference to the, y’know, Crucifixion crucifixion, Gautier stabs one of the dead guys in the guts with a pike to see if he’s still alive.
Wait.
Wait a minute.
Is this author seriously trying to imply that these recently dead guys are Jesus? Spoke out against the local authorities by promoting a higher power, are crucified, and one of them is stabbed in the side with a spear? Because that’s what it looks like, and if so then this means that Axis is being not the slightest bit subtly declared to be the equivalent of GOD.
I… excuse me, I… I need to go and stare at myself in the mirror and cry for a while. I mean SERIOUSLY. I’m not even a Christian and I’m still offended beyond belief. If I were a Christian I’d probably be fantacising about finding the author’s grave and jumping up and down on it.
Demi, meanwhile, silently vows to kill Borneheld “for this treachery against the Prophecy and against the lives of three true men”.
Oh, fuck off, Demi. The Prophecy isn’t Borneheld’s ruler or part of his belief system. Since when did he owe the thing any loyalty? You can’t be a traitor against something you never followed in the first place. That’s not how treachery works.
The protagonist centered morality continues onto the next page as Borneheld accuses Demi of betraying him, and Demi makes a little speech:
Bull. Shit.
Again, Borneheld is under absolutely no obligation to follow the stupid Prophecy. This is like expecting an atheist to believe in the Christian prophecy of the Rapture. In both cases neither person has any reason at all to believe it’s true other than “some guy who lived a long time ago sayed so”. There’s no evidence! Borneheld has seen nothing to suggest the stupid prophecy is anything but a load of empty words! You can’t force someone to believe in something just because you think they should, and even less so when that thing is glorifying someone they HATE! But you’re expecting him to change his tune anyway just because it doesn’t serve the interests of some asshole who’s better looking? Yeah, you can take your smug, bigoted attitude and shove it, Demi. I hope Borneheld crucifies you next.
Borneheld tells him to pull his troops out and return to camp, and once he’s left he tells Gautier to arrange for the entire camp to be slaughtered. Yeah, that’s going to work out just fiiine. Moron.
Predictably, Borneheld gets up next morning prepared to do some murderin’, only to find the Ravensbund have all disappeared in the middle of the night without a trace, and even took the dead guys with them. How the fuck did they do that when there’s eleven thousand of them? Yeah, I’m not buying it. At all.
Then Borneheld goes to check on poor, sick Lord Roland, as he apparently does every morning. Because he’s, y’know, a loyal friend to the guy. But nope, Roland has also disappeared.
And at last, this chapter comes to a merciful end. If anyone needs me, I’ll be crying in front of the mirror again.
25 comments
theepistler
May 30 2018, 12:12:09 Edited: May 30 2018, 12:15:45
By the way, if I came across as unreasonably angry in this part of the spork, there's a reason for that. As a child I was bullied so severely I became suicidal. And right now, this book has become all about the worship and adoration of a nasty, small-minded, cruel little bully. I know people like to use the word "triggered" as a taunt these days, but even so. I look at Axis and I see the assholes who harassed me until I wanted to DIE. I hate his fucking guts, and I HATE that we're supposed to admire him in any way shape or form. Presenting a guy who behaves like this as "heroic" is nothing short of vomit-worthy.
cmdrnemo
May 30 2018, 16:45:24
I have never seen so many characters on the "good" side of a story that I would so happily feed to rats. If only this world was one of many in the 40K universe. The story could end with an inquisitor declaring exterminatus on this abomination of a planet. Bathing this whole misbegotten world in cleansing flame and also missiles,
lasers, whatever gets the atmosphere off. Scrub it down to the rock. Then melt that and polish it off nicely.
There are no heroes in this book, only victims and monsters. Borneheld and Faraday deserved a better author. Because this mess is somehow worse than anything Goodkind ever did. Which is not something I expected outside of the darkest realms of fan fiction.
theepistler
May 30 2018, 21:17:02
Agreed - these protagonists are VILE. I can't believe no-one else has called this book out for having evil, bullying "heroes". Or not that I'm aware of. On TVTropes Axis is listed as a Jerk With a Heart of Gold and I heartily beg to differ. What "heart of gold"? I've seen him do maybe ONE nice thing in the entire trilogy so far (helping Shra), and when he did it just came off as ridiculously out of character.
snarkbotanya
May 30 2018, 17:35:12
I agree: glorifying this horrid bully is reprehensible bullshit, and this book is despicable for doing it.
I'm glad that you managed to get past the bullying in your life. You're an awesome person, and my life is better for having met you, and I'm sure I'm not the only person who would say that. So if you ever feel worthless, remember all the people here and in your IRL life who live in a better world because you exist.
theepistler
May 30 2018, 21:27:34 Edited: May 30 2018, 21:31:12
When you have a difficult past, the best thing to do is learn how to move on. Don't forget it, but don't let it rule your life either. For a while there I hated other people. I was just angry and miserable and told myself I despised the entire human race. And if I'd let myself stay that way, I would have become the asshole. I sometimes still have trust issues, but I still like people even if some of them let me down. I try to see what's good in them instead of always expecting the worst. And if you find it in yourself be like that as often as you can, well - that's how you get to have friends.
In a lot of Mary Sue stories, you'll notice that Mary Sue is not capable of that sort of thing. Sues NEVER let things go, and all of them glory in petty revenge (see: Eragon).Take Axis. He dislikes Borneheld because of a bunch of stupid bullshit that probably happened when they were kids. Can he let that go? Nope. Even when the fate of the entire country is at stake, he refuses to let it go. He never stops to ask himself "am I partly to blame for this situation?". Nope, instead he just moves on to obsessing over how he's going to MURDER him. Because that's the best solution for dealing with someone you personally dislike - just shank 'em right in the ribs!
Guess what, Axis? If you had made the slightest effort to repair the relationship, there's a good chance none of this would have happened. Instead of which you chose to escalate things right from the first page you were introduced. You've been bullying and provoking Borneheld from the word go, and then acting like the whole thing is HIS fault and your own culpability is zero.
But because this is a Mary Sue story, nothing is ever Mary Sue's fault. Naturally. Or if it is it doesn't matter. It's half the reason why such stories are so very juvenile.
bewdtamer19
May 30 2018, 20:27:54
I'm sorry to hear that you been through all of that, and I do understand what it is like to be bullied by someone, so you can come talk to me, if you like.
If it makes you feel any better, I feel I know a lot more about reading and writing ever since I found this channel because of you.
theepistler
May 30 2018, 21:12:44
Aw, thanks!
It was a long time ago, and I went on to become happy and successful (while the bullies grew up to be nobodies like the losers they are). But when I see bullying in real life or in fiction, I always have to jump on it. Because if someone has to. Otherwise it never stops. Okay, obviously Borneheld isn't a real person, but fiction promoting bullying behaviour as admirable is just NOT on.
snarkbotanya
May 30 2018, 17:29:19
Epic-Length Comment, Part 1
he can only “recreate the dying” but not heal ordinary wounds
Seriously? How the hell does that make any goddamn sense? Hey, Douglass...
Apparently they’re intelligent but “they also hated”.
What is it with Douglass and using "hate" as an intransitive verb? I mean, back in the last book, we had the Skraelings saying "it hates" when GoreGrail was being a (literal) tantrumy little baby. That was cheesy and cliche, but I could at least buy that they would talk that way, since they were supposed to be creepy monsters, and monsters might have odd speech patterns. Here, though... it's not technically incorrect, but it's awkward and pretentious.
Caelum does not for one second come across as an actual infant – more a cute 100% hygenic little doll for his parents to play with.
In other words, he's a male Renesmee.
Axis listens to the “Star Dance as it danced about and between them”. Whatever the hell that even means.
He's feelin' the vibes, man... the energy of the universe...
Huh, finally he has an opinion I can actually agree with. And it’s even slightly, well, heroic.
It's also entirely out of nowhere and doesn't fit with anything established previously. When has Axis ever been a champion of equality? All I've seen is a pompous douchebag with an entitlement complex.
I don’t know if that’s technically correct or not, but it reads awkwardly to me.
It's not. "Gryphon" may look a bit more Greek-esque to some, but it's actually just a weird-ass alternate form of the modern English "griffin", and it's not very common.
As for older roots of the word, none of them decline that way either. Old French has "griffon", plural "griffons"; Latin has "gryphus", plural "gryphi"; and ancient Greek has "γρῡ́ψ", plural "γρῦπες", dual "γρῦπε". Obviously the declension is a bit more complicated for Latin and ancient Greek, which are heavily inflected languages, but the point is that there is no form of "griffin", ancient or modern, with identical singular and plural forms. Douglass is just wrong.
Borneheld exclaims “Artor’s blow-hole!” as blood falls from the sky, which is one of the weirder exclamations I’ve ever heard (especially given that Artor is a humanoid god who does not have a blowhole).
I'm all for inventing oaths based on your fictional deities, but at least try to base them off a piece of anatomy that the god actually has! A friend of mine and I like to use expressions based on the gods of a world we created, and when we refer to a god's mane and/or tail(s), it's because they're vaguely lion-like humanoids and thus actually have manes and/or tails.
someone called Inari
Hey, another random Japanese name! In Shinto, Inari is the kami of foxes, fertility, and prosperity. Oh, and it's also the name of a kind of sushi.
How fantastical.
snarkbotanya
May 30 2018, 17:29:41 Edited: May 30 2018, 17:30:03
Epic-Length Comment, Part 2
his allies and the refugees are building a town which “with a singular lack of imagination… [they] had named Lakesview”
*cold stare*
Douglass. I know it's pointless to talk to you about this, seeing as you're dead and probably wouldn't read this even if you were alive, and even if you did read this you probably wouldn't listen... but I'd like a word with you. Naming a settlement is not something you do to make people amazed at your creativity. It's something you do so you can fucking say where you live. Sometimes it's named after someone, like its founder or a local leader or a cultural hero, but oftentimes the name is going to be descriptive.
Hell, in some places and settings, descriptive names are a cultural thing. In the setting of my novel, the main character's culture has a thing about naming settlements after the local water features, because not only is that where the first settlements sprang up, but the water is their most effective route of transportation. The area is heavily forested, and the terrain can get rough, so using the local rivers and lakes to get around is faster, easier, and safer than trying to hack your way through the forest. Rivers, streams, and lakes hold extreme cultural significance, and naming settlements after them is a matter of honoring that significance, not "lack of imagination".
But then, the humans in this book have no discernible culture beyond "Generic Medieval European Mishmash", so I guess it's only to be expected that they have no traditions when it comes to naming things. I mean, this is a world where siblings can be named Priam and Rivkah.
Ironically, in calling the name "Lakeview" unimaginative, Douglass only exposed her own lack of creativity.
The fact that one of them is named Funado isn’t helping me to take this scene all that seriously. It sounds like an exciting new ice cream sundae from McDonald’s.
"FUNADO! It's like a tornado of fun... in your mouth!"
Funny, I thought crucifixion was supposed to be one of those executions where it took hours or even days for the victims to die.
It depends on exactly how the crucifixion is done, plus the health of the victim and whether the executioners do anything else to them before tying or nailing them up there. If someone gets crucified with their arms tied straight up over their head, they'll probably die within thirty minutes. If they've got their arms out, though... yeah, they'll probably die within the day, but it'll take at least a few hours.
Borneheld goes on about the “lie” of the Forbidden being allies, and in a weird reference to the, y’know, Crucifixion crucifixion, Gautier stabs one of the dead guys in the guts with a pike to see if he’s still alive.
Wow.
She seriously went there.
She seriously went and cribbed from the motherfucking bible.
We have officially hit Maradonia levels of shit here, guys.
theepistler
May 30 2018, 22:17:34
It depends on exactly how the crucifixion is done, plus the health of the victim and whether the executioners do anything else to them before tying or nailing them up there.
It doesn't say. There's just some vague mention of their not having "died easily".
By the way, re. Rivkah, it turns out "Rivqah" is a real name. It's Hebrew. Just what a Hebrew name is doing in Fantasy Europe, I've no idea.
snarkbotanya
May 31 2018, 07:26:42 Edited: May 31 2018, 07:26:53
If they died quickly, I'm going to assume that they were a) crucified arms-up and b) nailed there rather than tied. Those both make it faster.
I think I've mentioned before that Rivkah comes from the Hebrew רִבְקָה (Rivqah). Etymologically, it's the ancestor of the name Rebecca. I'm not sure what a Hebrew name is doing here either, just as I'm not sure what Greek names and names ripped directly from freaking Latin are doing here.
theepistler
May 31 2018, 08:38:00
It still sounds Indian to me.
theepistler
May 30 2018, 21:50:36 Edited: May 30 2018, 21:51:54
"It hates" or "they hated" is Douglass' term for "it/they is TEH EBILNESS!" That's her shortcut for making anything and everything appear eeeevil - by saying whoever or whatever it is "hates". Why? They just do.
It's also entirely out of nowhere and doesn't fit with anything established previously. When has Axis ever been a champion of equality? All I've seen is a pompous douchebag with an entitlement complex.
Trust me - you haven't missed anything. He's made it abundantly clear that he has no respect for the Icarii or Avar cultures (in fact he openly made fun of the Avar and their magic tree during the Beltide chapter). Nor does he respect the human culture, as he's quite happy to steamroll the lot of them while deliberately stamping out their religion. This guy is NO champion of equality of any sort. His words and actions so far have quite clearly demonstrated that the only thing he really cares about are a) Amassing more power for himself, b) Somehow getting to screw Azhure and Faraday at the same time with no jealousy or hurt feelings (he keeps insisting that he can totally make this happen right up until it turns out he can't) and c) Brutally murdering poor Borneheld in cold blood. In that order. Anything else can take a running jump as far as he's concerned. He doesn't even seem to care about any of his supposed friends, or his family.
theepistler
May 30 2018, 21:52:41
Shit, he doesn't even really seem to care about Azhure except as a source of really great sex.
snarkbotanya
May 30 2018, 22:08:22
Shit, he doesn't even really seem to care about Azhure except as a source of really great sex.
He doesn't. If he actually cared about Azhure, he would have made sure that she actually wanted to have sex back in the Beltide chapter.
theepistler
May 30 2018, 22:42:40
And later on when she gets angry and upset because he's close to being reunited with Faraday, as a result of which she starts refusing to sleep with him, all he thinks about is how frustrated he is because he's not getting Teh Secks. He doesn't think about her feelings or anything like that - he just angsts about how she's not putting out any more, wah wah.
snarkbotanya
May 31 2018, 07:28:31
Wow. That is some serious self-centered douchebaggery right there. This guy's no hero, he's an entitled little bitch who can't handle the world not catering to his every whim. And because he has Author Favor, the world does cater to his every whim more often than not. How absolutely disgusting.
theepistler
May 31 2018, 08:50:14 Edited: May 31 2018, 08:51:01
Yeah. Probably the most consistent character trait he's displayed so far is being selfish and demanding and immediately flying into a sulky temper tantrum if he doesn't get what he wants. And even when he DOES get what he wants, which he always does because he's an author darling, he usually still finds a way to whine about it.
And quite frankly, Azhure isn't much better. She's less aggressive about demanding things, but she whines and sulks about not getting her way just as much as he does. She should be perfectly aware that being Axis' girlfriend (seriously; they're making zero effort to hide the relationship) is going to cause MAJOR diplomatic issues, break Faraday's heart, and infuriate the Avar. (Which is exactly what's going to happen). Does she so much as consider doing anything about it? Nope. She could just up and LEAVE, but she doesn't. Instead she stays right where she is and indulges in a lot of self-centered sulking about how it's not faaaaiiir that Axis is promised to someone else, and never mind that Faraday is an important ally or that the fate of the WORLD is at stake.
They both need to get the fuck over themselves.
snarkbotanya
May 31 2018, 14:49:11
They really do. I'm also seriously pissed that both of our alleged "heroes" are completely sitting out all the major battles in favor of playing withRenesmee Caelum the Sue-Baby. It's not just that they're not taking any real risks, as you explained quite well in the spork, but also that they're so far removed from the action that following them feels pointless and annoying, because they aren't where the action is. I think you've brought that up in a few other parts of this spork, too.
theepistler
May 31 2018, 20:26:36 Edited: May 31 2018, 20:39:29
Indeed. And that's why the tension in this book is non-existent. The supposed war is happening almost entirely offscreen. GoreGrail and his minions flat-out disappear for huge stretches, to the point that you can be forgiven for forgetting they even exist. The only time you see any sort of stakes is when the narrative briefly goes over to Borneheld... who you're not supposed to care about.
Anonymous
June 1 2018, 01:03:06
How come the author does not ignore the consequences of their douchebaggery and still doesn't realize that her protagonists are a bunch of little snots?
-TTT
theepistler
June 1 2018, 10:37:24
I have no idea. I see other authors do it all the time, and I'm like... how did you not realise your hero is completely unlikeable? Sometimes it honestly feels like they're trying to write a douchebag. Witness Paolini, who actively fought against the removal of a scene in which his "hero" commits cold-blooded murder. In this book, Douglass never misses an opportunity to show Axis being rude, arrogant and nasty to people. Dude, what were you thinking of?
I can only really conclude that in her mind, acting like a douchebag = assertive and leader-like. But I'll tell you right now; leaders who are assholes to their followers tend to lose said followers. I would definitely buy it if these guys were just joining up because they know they'll die if they don't, but instead we're supposed to believe the author's insistence that Axis is Just So Charismatic and Wonderful.
hergrim
June 1 2018, 06:56:41
How could Douglass be so lacking in self-awareness? Borneheld is clearly the skilled, brave, even charismatic leader. Axis is so much the villain it isn't even funny.
But because the entire species is eeeevil, it’s okay to slaughter them all along with the pups and pregnant females (yes, it’s specifically mentioned that they wiped out “their young, their breeding grounds”). I'm getting some major Ra'zac flashbacks right now.
It sounds like the griffins weren't the only ones who "hated". In fact, "they feared" might be more appropriate given the circumstances.
Or rather “the Gryphon attacked”, because apparently in this universe gryphon is both plural and singular. You know, like with sheep. I don’t know if that’s technically correct or not, but it reads awkwardly to me.
It would work better if the griffins were a hivemind. That way, the singular and plural don't matter, there is just the All-Gryphon.
He then moves on from angsting about that to looking at the new buildings now going up – his allies and the refugees are building a town which “with a singular lack of imagination… [they] had named Lakesview”. Don’t throw stones when you live in that particular glass house, author. Remember – you’re the one who thought “Tree Friend” and “StarMan” were a good idea.
When you break any name down, it's ultimately pretty prosaic. Oxford? It's literally the Ox Ford. Chester? It's literally "the fortified military camp". Newborough? The New Town. Basically, humanity is singularly unimaginative when it comes to naming places.
Predictably, Borneheld gets up next morning prepared to do some murderin’, only to find the Ravensbund have all disappeared in the middle of the night without a trace, and even took the dead guys with them. How the fuck did they do that when there’s eleven thousand of them? Yeah, I’m not buying it. At all.
That depends on how far away their camp is. It's not entirely unheard of for even much larger armies to steal a march and "vanish" during the night, even when quite close to their enemies.
theepistler
June 1 2018, 10:19:36
That depends on how far away their camp is. It's not entirely unheard of for even much larger armies to steal a march and "vanish" during the night, even when quite close to their enemies.
Well thing is, you later find out that Borneheld had sentries posted. And they somehow got past ALL of them. It's not as if the Ravensbund even have magical powers; they're just randomly able to do this. Despite being covered in tinkly bells.
How could Douglass be so lacking in self-awareness? Borneheld is clearly the skilled, brave, even charismatic leader. Axis is so much the villain it isn't even funny.
It is truly amazing how willfully blind people can be. :-/
hergrim
June 2 2018, 08:05:10
Ah, the good old stealthy savage trope. What would we do without it?
We also get an excuse as to why Axis couldn’t heal her – because he can only “recreate the dying” but not heal ordinary wounds.
Why not just stab EvenSong in the liver and then get Axis to do his super duper special Deus Ex Machina get-out-of-death-free card thing? I’m just saying. It’s not as if using it has any negative consequences or anything. Also - uh, moron? Magic ring? Infinite spells? You see what I meant when I said the ring plus most of Axis much vaunted powers were 100% pointless?
I should stop calling it "magic" and just start calling it "plot convenience", because that's what it is.
A bunch of other characters show up and Axis is all “I need to know what a gryphon is and why the Icarii are so scared of them”. Oh, so the Icarii do have a history with the things? When were you planning to tell me about that, author?
Axis asks EvenSong to tell him what’s going on, and after some obligatory congratulating of Axis for being so special and amazing and wonderful, EvenSong has a bit of a cry and thinks about how no-one will ever know what a terrible struggle it was to get SpikeFeather back alive and all the shock and horror and such. Because we couldn’t possibly have actually, y’know… seen any of that happen. No, I’d much rather read endless chapters of Sues hanging around being praised and accomplishing absolutely nothing of interest.
EvenSong talks about how they scouted around, and were eventually attacked at dawn. It’s noted that Axis told them dawn and sunset were the worst time of day to be flying, and the author actually adds “and how did he know that?”. Wait, is she pointing out her own implausibilities now? Because that’s still my job, lady.
Either way the gryphons took advantage and attacked from above by landing on the Icarii’s backs, grabbing them under the wings and ripping them to shreds. She describes how she rescued SpikeFeather from one, and it’s all dramatic, and Axis thinks about what a shocking thing that must have been to witness firsthand.
Which is why we’re getting it dictated to us after the fact rather than actually shown on screen. Of course. Sure it might have been tense and exciting, but that would have meant spending time away from the Sues, and we can’t have that, now can we?
Now MorningStar starts infodumping about gryphons. Apparently they lived six THOUSAND years ago and hung out in the mountains like the Icarii. Apparently they’re intelligent but “they also hated”. Hated what? The Icarii, apparently.
Because it can’t just be that the gryphons were predators or something like that. No, no, they have to be eeeevil and full of hate. Just like how your cat is eeevil and full of hate because she likes catching mice. This is so incredibly childish.
Either way the Icarii first formed the Strike Force at some point and wiped out the species. Hooray for genocide and driving other creatures to extinction! But because the entire species is eeeevil, it’s okay to slaughter them all along with the pups and pregnant females (yes, it’s specifically mentioned that they wiped out “their young, their breeding grounds”). I'm getting some major Ra'zac flashbacks right now.
By the way, you can tell the gryphons are eeevil because they have glowing red eyes.
Seriously. Glowing red eyes. This kind of shit was old hat in the 60s.
Anyway, it seems the eeevil gryphons are now on their way to Jervois Landing, and Azhure says what’s going to happen with that, and Axis replies that they’re going to have to step in or the place is doomed. Oh, now you give a damn, huh?
That night Axis and Azhure sit with Caelum who… uh, is noted to be naked for some damn reason. Why did we need to know that? Needless to say the Sue baby is all cute and adorable and happy. Rather than, say, crying or gumming and drooling on something.
Again – Hollywood Baby. Caelum does not for one second come across as an actual infant – more a cute 100% hygienic little doll for his parents to play with.
Azhure asks Axis how he feels about helping out Borneheld, and Axis whines about how he’d happily go to the aid of Jervois Landing if anyone other than eeevil Borneheld was in charge of the place. For the last fucking time, Axis, get. Over. Yourself. Borneheld has done NOTHING to you. If anything, you screwed him over. You stole his fiancee, you inspired his most loyal troops to abandon him in an extremely dangerous situation, you keep deliberately making him look stupid in front of everyone – the guy has every right to hate your guts! And he still had the decency and common sense to make a truce with you, while YOU stood there openly bragging about being the Chosen One and demanding that he kowtow to you when you weren’t threatening his life!
Fuck you, Axis. Fuck you fuck you fuck you. I hate your stupid spoilt smug asshole face. I wish you’d get chained to a damn great rock while giant acid-spewing ravens picked your liver and kidneys out and ate them for elevenses. I wish you’d get kidnapped and tortured to death by IS and your head put on a spike. You’re the worst fucking excuse for a hero since Eragon and that asshole Richard Rahl. You are a horrible, horrible person. That I’m expected to like you is fucking insulting.
…wow, this book is really starting to piss me off. I tend to exaggerate the rage here and there to make it funnier (because seeing your humble sporker suffer is half of what makes sporks entertaining to read), but right now I am honestly ticked off for real.
Moving right along, it’s time for more praise for the Sue Baby! In case you care, Caelum has his mother’s “colouring”, ie “black curly locks, pale skin and smoky blue eyes”. I’ve said it before, but what the hell do “smoky blue eyes” look like? Oh, and he wuvs his daddy and gets sad when he’s not around. Don’t do it, Caelum! It’s a trap! If you idolise this guy you’ll grow up trying to emulate him!
(Too late. I’ve read ahead. I know what Adult Caelum is like and yes, he’s just as bad if not worse than Axis. Which is, you’ll have noticed, saying a lot).
Azhure starts nursing the brat, and Axis listens to the “Star Dance as it danced about and between them”. Whatever the hell that even means.
Getting back on topic, Axis says that Borneheld fights for the Acharites (ie humans) and “the continuation of a world that is safe and known”. While he, Axis, fights for three different people and “the recreation of an old world”. But both of them are fighting Gorgrael.
So…?
Azhure asks if he actually wants to recreate the Good Old Days, and Axis says no, because “Tencendor was not the land of myth and glory that the Icarii would have us believe”.
And he knows this… how?
Instead he wants to make a new Tencendor, where everyone is treated equally. Huh, finally he has an opinion I can actually agree with. And it’s even slightly, well, heroic.
But never mind about that! Because we now go to an omniscient narrator mid-scene, who informs us that while this cuddly little situation is going on, the gryphons attack Jervois Landing. Or rather “the Gryphon attacked”, because apparently in this universe gryphon is both plural and singular. You know, like with sheep. I don’t know if that’s technically correct or not, but it reads awkwardly to me.
Anyhoo they swoop down on the trenches, and Borneheld – who not being a coward is out risking his life on the front lines again – barely escapes the first attack. Instead Nevelon – the guy Azhure shot through the hand – gets carried off and dies.
Borneheld exclaims “Artor’s blow-hole!” as blood falls from the sky, which is one of the weirder exclamations I’ve ever heard (especially given that Artor is a humanoid god who does not have a blowhole).
He says it’s the Forbidden, but Demi Moore says no, it’s something “far, far worse”.
Well, given how useless the Icarii are, that’s really not a very scary or intimidating thing to say, Demi. And the chapter ends on this “ominous” note.
Yup, with Borneheld continuing to go into horrible danger with zero special magical powers or author favour, while Axis – the alleged hero – is living in luxury and playing with his Sue Baby while his smoking hot girlfriend looks on.
And that, gentle readers, is why doing special favours for your protagonists is so rarely a good idea. Because it makes them look like spoilt, selfish brats.
It only gets worse as the next chapter cuts to Demi. He’s barely rested in three freaking days, and everyone’s having an absolutely appalling time. It’s basically the trenches of WW1 by this point – people are freezing to death, there’s knee-deep mud everywhere, and a shitload of people are being killed by frostbite and gangrene.
The Skraelings are still on the offensive, and are growing stronger and more intelligent as they consume more victims, and now at last we have a genuinely fraught situation which shows the terrible odds our heroes are up aga- Oh, except Borneheld isn’t the hero. No, that would be Axis, currently doing absolutely nothing.
I’m going to take a short break here to explain something important, writing wise.
One of the key things that makes a hero heroic is risk. A truly courageous hero is someone who is prepared to risk everything – first and foremost their own life, health and safety – for the sake of a higher purpose. In doing so, a true hero makes sacrifices and sometimes even lays down their life for the sake of that purpose.
Badly written non-heroes like Axis, however, risk nothing. Sure, Axis occasionally goes into battle, but we all know he’s going to come out completely unscathed, because he’s always got some sort of magic doohickey that lets him win with minimal effort. A key example: the “climactic” battle of the last book, where not only was he completely unhurt, but he didn’t even lose any troops.
So far, Axis has sacrificed nothing. He still has all his friends with him, he’s still in good health, he doesn’t have to be separated from his girlfriend or his kid, he has a nice comfortable home. The guy is sitting pretty.
And that is never going to change. The only “bad” thing that’s going to happen to Axis is eventually having to face Faraday when she finds out he cheated on her. And that's going to slide right off him like water on the proverbial duck’s back.
Meanwhile Borneheld is out in the middle of appalling danger with no magic, no author favour, and minimal plot armour. He’s lost his home, his friends, his mother, the happy marriage he thought he had – everything. And yet he’s still fighting for what he believes is right. He’s not giving up despite the impossible odds, and is clearly prepared to die if it means protecting his Kingdom and its people.
Yeah, Axis isn’t a hero. Borneheld is the only hero here. And all he’s going to get for his trouble is… well, let’s just say it’s one of the most horrible things I have ever seen an author do to a character. And apparently according to an interview, it was partly just because the author had… uh, had a bad day, so she made Borneheld’s fate extra ghastly to read about.
Taking out your bad mood on one of your characters. Real mature.
Demi Moore isn’t helping, as he’s been secretly sending small groups of his guys to Sigholt, where they aren’t needed, while the defenses here are wearing thin and they barely have enough guys to hold the front line. Well fuck you too, Demi. I take back what I said earlier – this guy is just as selfish and irresponsible as Margarita.
After several pages of this, Axis’ pet eagle shows up. It starts talking telepathically to Demi. As before it speaks with Axis’ voice, and asks him for an update. Demi just takes this in his stride, and naturally Axis takes the opportunity to be a snot to him, because when does that guy ever miss an opportunity to be rude and snotty to people?
Finally Eagle Axis says he’s going to send the Strike Force to help out, and Demi is all like “he’s going to help even though he hates Bornheld OMG he so noble and shit!”. Shut up, Demi.
Axis asks him to spread some propaganda about how the Icarii are coming to help teh peoples and such, which of course Demi agrees to.
Cut to Borneheld, chilling at the Tired Seagull again, where he sees the Icarii arrive to attack the Skraelings. He’s still referring to them as “lizards”. How many lizards are there in Tencendor anyway? I’ll give you a hint: Lizards don’t like places where it snows.
Demi tells Borneheld they’re here to help – and again, we’re getting a potentially exciting battle happening off-screen in favour of more talking. Borneheld orders everyone not to mention the Icarii to anyone and pretend they’re not there, but –
...oh, for fuck’s sake.
Down on the ground Borneheld’s troops “turn[ed] unbelieving eyes to the sky” and witness the glory of the Icarii and blah blah blah it’s so amazing, after which a few random soldiers start going on about how great the Icarii are and someone called Inari – no idea who he is – declares that “they are sent by the StarMan of Prophecy to aid us and to save Achar”, and hooray, it’s time for even more Sue worshipping! It’s got to have been, oh, at least a page since the last time that happened.
Cut to the Icarii general FarSight in the sky (finally), as he directs his troops to shoot the shit out of the Skraelings. Then the author just starts summarising, and we get a boring infodump about how their attack “strengthened from above” over the next few days (where are the damn gryphons now?), and down on the ground the Corolean mercenaries suddenly want to know all about Axis and that fucking prophecy, and soon everybody’s talking about it.
We’re informed that the Ravensbundmen “served the Prophecy and the StarMan well” by spreading the prophecy and a bunch of information about Icarii culture. In other words they’re basically Axis’ Ministry of Truth now. Lovely.
Cut back to Axis, and we get more descriptions of Icarii vs Skraeling battles from his POV as he uses the eagle to command everyone from a distance. But again, it’s all just dispassionate summary about logistics and arrow supplies and tactics and blah blah blah. There’s no tension whatsoever. No sense of danger. Axis isn’t even present. (Because again, he risks nothing and sacrifices nothing. Some hero).
Naturally because the Icarii are under the command of the – ugh – StarMan and are Better Than You, they basically wipe out the Skraelings in ten freaking days, while the humans on the ground praise and admire them and start thinking about how great they are and how maybe it’s all lies that they’re eeevil, and maybe they should start worshipping Axi- uh, the “Star Dance” instead of Artor. Yup, changing people’s lifelong views is still Just That Easy.
We’re then blandly informed that “After a thousand years, and despite the lingering hatreds of the Wars of the Axe, Icarii and Acharite again shared common purpose”.
What “lingering hatreds”? And couldn’t this have been shown in an actual scene? This is supposed to be a big turning point in the story, so why is it being dictated in summary, rather than built up to and shown on the page? ARGH.
Back at Sigholt the Icarii mingle with the humans and indoctrinate the children with all this stuff about how great they are.
Uh, I mean, they “play” with the kids. Yeah, that’s it. Now we finally get to see them actually interact with people, as they hang out and eat and sing with the humans and the author dictates that the Icarii are finding that “many of their age-old beliefs about the Acharites were as false as the Acharite’s beliefs about them”.
Again – what beliefs? What prejudices do Icarii have against humans? I don’t know because, as usual, the author couldn’t be bothered to go into that.
Finally we learn that Azhure is a complete idiot who shouldn’t be trusted with anybody’s children, as she starts riding out on patrols with her soldiers… and takes Caelum with her. Seriously. She’s taking a baby out into hostile territory. In a sling on her back, next to her arrows. And literally the only person who objects to this is Belial, and he’s rewarded with a stare from her with “cold, flat eyes”. Yeah, how dare he show concern for the baby whose life she’s risking for no fucking reason?
What a jerk.
We then get an infodump about how awesome Azhure’s Sue Horse is, because of course we do, and then we cut back to Axis for even more Azhure worship. Here it is for your consideration.
"Azhure was not only a highly competent commander [WHY?] but an extraordinarily unusual woman [oh, YA THINK?]. Just a year and some few months ago she had been the outcast peasant daughter of the Plough-Keeper of the village of Smyrton. Now here she was, the mother of his son, a commander within his army, riding patrol with the Wolven and the Alaunt.”
…is this really necessary? How many more times do we need it jammed down our throats that Azhure is the greatest thing since sliced bread? And claiming that Azhure is "unusual" doesn't excuse any of the ridiculous powers she keeps pulling right out of her ass.Axis then moves on to worrying that maybe Azhure is really WolfStar, and keeps trying to deny it to himself that maybe she’s the prophecised traitor. I really wish he was right, because as I’ve mentioned before it would make this ridiculous bullshit actually make sense. But nope! No plot twists can ever make the author’s favourites anything other than perfect and wonderful.
Yet again Axis thinks about how she has “too much compassion and love within herself to be WolfStar”. I’ve still yet to see any evidence that Azhure is either compassionate or loving, author. Isn’t this the same woman who boasted about how she would have murdered Borneheld unarmed in his own bed if she had the chance?
He then moves on from angsting about that to looking at the new buildings now going up – his allies and the refugees are building a town which “with a singular lack of imagination… [they] had named Lakesview”. Don’t throw stones when you live in that particular glass house, author. Remember – you’re the one who thought “Tree Friend” and “StarMan” were a good idea.
Also, nice job of making Axis look like an arrogant little shit. You know, again. You wouldn't want to risk letting anyone actually like this guy after all.
Cut back to Borneheld, without so much as a line break. Apparently when he found out about the whole “people learning about the Icarii” thing, he went berserk.
Meanwhile Roland is feeling like shit thanks to the stomach cancer and “no longer respect[s] Borneheld”. Oh sure, just ditch the guy and stab him in the back like everyone else, you asshole.
Meanwhile Gautier is still on Borneheld’s side, but that’s just because he’s eeevil (and we all know he’s going to die horribly for it sooner or later). He points out that it’s probably the Ravendsbund spreading it around, and – good fuck, is this chapter still going?
Borneheld orders Gautier to flush out the “traitors”, and he heads off to do just that. We now go to Gautier’s POV, and he disguises himself as a peasant and walks around, listening in on people. He soon finds a bunch of Ravensbund blathering on about the stupid prophecy “to a group of wide-eyed Acharite and Corolean soldiers”. These guys sure are easily impressed.
Three Ravensbund are arrested and taken to Borneheld, who questions them about what they’ve been doing. Two of them get names despite never appearing again for reasons which will soon become obvious, and they “bravely” refuse to deny anything and go on about how the Icarii deserve to be honoured, while thinking about how they will “die serving the prophecy” and the “pride of their ancient race” and so on and so forth. The fact that one of them is named Funado isn’t helping me to take this scene all that seriously. It sounds like an exciting new ice cream sundae from McDonald’s, FFS.
Anyway, Borneheld loses his rag at this point and orders the three of them to be crucified. ...Wow, he actually did something genuinely cruel and nasty for once. I’m impressed.
I’m less impressed by the Ravensbund, who apparently didn’t have the sense to spread anti-Borneheld propaganda quietly. I mean really – what did they think was going to happen?
Cut to Demi being shown the three dead guys hanging from their crosses. Funny, I thought crucifixion was supposed to be one of those executions where it took hours or even days for the victims to die. Isn’t that half the point? But no, this is clearly the same day, very soon after Borneheld gave the order.
And as I’ve mentioned earlier, Axis is also going to go on to crucify a bunch of people who pissed him off, so no points awarded here for making Borneheld look worse than him, which let’s face it is pretty much impossible by this point. Basically the only evil things Axis hasn’t done so far are child abuse and cruelty to animals, and I wouldn’t put either of those things past him in the slightest.
Borneheld goes on about the “lie” of the Forbidden being allies, and in a weird reference to the, y’know, Crucifixion crucifixion, Gautier stabs one of the dead guys in the guts with a pike to see if he’s still alive.
Wait.
Wait a minute.
Is this author seriously trying to imply that these recently dead guys are Jesus? Spoke out against the local authorities by promoting a higher power, are crucified, and one of them is stabbed in the side with a spear? Because that’s what it looks like, and if so then this means that Axis is being not the slightest bit subtly declared to be the equivalent of GOD.
"Repent of your sins and LICK MY ASS BECAUSE I HAVE AUTHOR FAVOUR AND SPECIAL UNEARNED SUPERPOWERS AND YOU DON'T! HAHAHAHAH YOU SUCK NEXT TO ME! I AM SO AWESOME! EVERYONE HAS TO DO WHAT I WANT OR DIE HORRIBLY!" ~This author's idea of being worthy of literal godhood, apparently
I… excuse me, I… I need to go and stare at myself in the mirror and cry for a while. I mean SERIOUSLY. I’m not even a Christian and I’m still offended beyond belief. If I were a Christian I’d probably be fantacising about finding the author’s grave and jumping up and down on it.
Demi, meanwhile, silently vows to kill Borneheld “for this treachery against the Prophecy and against the lives of three true men”.
Oh, fuck off, Demi. The Prophecy isn’t Borneheld’s ruler or part of his belief system. Since when did he owe the thing any loyalty? You can’t be a traitor against something you never followed in the first place. That’s not how treachery works.
The protagonist centered morality continues onto the next page as Borneheld accuses Demi of betraying him, and Demi makes a little speech:
“And I have remained true, Borneheld. I have not proved a traitor to my oath. And my oath and my loyalty was always to the Prophecy, Borneheld, and only to you so long as you acted to serve the Prophecy. With this action, you have shown yourself the traitor.”
Bull. Shit.
Again, Borneheld is under absolutely no obligation to follow the stupid Prophecy. This is like expecting an atheist to believe in the Christian prophecy of the Rapture. In both cases neither person has any reason at all to believe it’s true other than “some guy who lived a long time ago sayed so”. There’s no evidence! Borneheld has seen nothing to suggest the stupid prophecy is anything but a load of empty words! You can’t force someone to believe in something just because you think they should, and even less so when that thing is glorifying someone they HATE! But you’re expecting him to change his tune anyway just because it doesn’t serve the interests of some asshole who’s better looking? Yeah, you can take your smug, bigoted attitude and shove it, Demi. I hope Borneheld crucifies you next.
Borneheld tells him to pull his troops out and return to camp, and once he’s left he tells Gautier to arrange for the entire camp to be slaughtered. Yeah, that’s going to work out just fiiine. Moron.
Predictably, Borneheld gets up next morning prepared to do some murderin’, only to find the Ravensbund have all disappeared in the middle of the night without a trace, and even took the dead guys with them. How the fuck did they do that when there’s eleven thousand of them? Yeah, I’m not buying it. At all.
Then Borneheld goes to check on poor, sick Lord Roland, as he apparently does every morning. Because he’s, y’know, a loyal friend to the guy. But nope, Roland has also disappeared.
And at last, this chapter comes to a merciful end. If anyone needs me, I’ll be crying in front of the mirror again.
25 comments
theepistler
May 30 2018, 12:12:09 Edited: May 30 2018, 12:15:45
By the way, if I came across as unreasonably angry in this part of the spork, there's a reason for that. As a child I was bullied so severely I became suicidal. And right now, this book has become all about the worship and adoration of a nasty, small-minded, cruel little bully. I know people like to use the word "triggered" as a taunt these days, but even so. I look at Axis and I see the assholes who harassed me until I wanted to DIE. I hate his fucking guts, and I HATE that we're supposed to admire him in any way shape or form. Presenting a guy who behaves like this as "heroic" is nothing short of vomit-worthy.
cmdrnemo
May 30 2018, 16:45:24
I have never seen so many characters on the "good" side of a story that I would so happily feed to rats. If only this world was one of many in the 40K universe. The story could end with an inquisitor declaring exterminatus on this abomination of a planet. Bathing this whole misbegotten world in cleansing flame and also missiles,
lasers, whatever gets the atmosphere off. Scrub it down to the rock. Then melt that and polish it off nicely.
There are no heroes in this book, only victims and monsters. Borneheld and Faraday deserved a better author. Because this mess is somehow worse than anything Goodkind ever did. Which is not something I expected outside of the darkest realms of fan fiction.
theepistler
May 30 2018, 21:17:02
Agreed - these protagonists are VILE. I can't believe no-one else has called this book out for having evil, bullying "heroes". Or not that I'm aware of. On TVTropes Axis is listed as a Jerk With a Heart of Gold and I heartily beg to differ. What "heart of gold"? I've seen him do maybe ONE nice thing in the entire trilogy so far (helping Shra), and when he did it just came off as ridiculously out of character.
snarkbotanya
May 30 2018, 17:35:12
I agree: glorifying this horrid bully is reprehensible bullshit, and this book is despicable for doing it.
I'm glad that you managed to get past the bullying in your life. You're an awesome person, and my life is better for having met you, and I'm sure I'm not the only person who would say that. So if you ever feel worthless, remember all the people here and in your IRL life who live in a better world because you exist.
theepistler
May 30 2018, 21:27:34 Edited: May 30 2018, 21:31:12
When you have a difficult past, the best thing to do is learn how to move on. Don't forget it, but don't let it rule your life either. For a while there I hated other people. I was just angry and miserable and told myself I despised the entire human race. And if I'd let myself stay that way, I would have become the asshole. I sometimes still have trust issues, but I still like people even if some of them let me down. I try to see what's good in them instead of always expecting the worst. And if you find it in yourself be like that as often as you can, well - that's how you get to have friends.
In a lot of Mary Sue stories, you'll notice that Mary Sue is not capable of that sort of thing. Sues NEVER let things go, and all of them glory in petty revenge (see: Eragon).Take Axis. He dislikes Borneheld because of a bunch of stupid bullshit that probably happened when they were kids. Can he let that go? Nope. Even when the fate of the entire country is at stake, he refuses to let it go. He never stops to ask himself "am I partly to blame for this situation?". Nope, instead he just moves on to obsessing over how he's going to MURDER him. Because that's the best solution for dealing with someone you personally dislike - just shank 'em right in the ribs!
Guess what, Axis? If you had made the slightest effort to repair the relationship, there's a good chance none of this would have happened. Instead of which you chose to escalate things right from the first page you were introduced. You've been bullying and provoking Borneheld from the word go, and then acting like the whole thing is HIS fault and your own culpability is zero.
But because this is a Mary Sue story, nothing is ever Mary Sue's fault. Naturally. Or if it is it doesn't matter. It's half the reason why such stories are so very juvenile.
bewdtamer19
May 30 2018, 20:27:54
I'm sorry to hear that you been through all of that, and I do understand what it is like to be bullied by someone, so you can come talk to me, if you like.
If it makes you feel any better, I feel I know a lot more about reading and writing ever since I found this channel because of you.
theepistler
May 30 2018, 21:12:44
Aw, thanks!
It was a long time ago, and I went on to become happy and successful (while the bullies grew up to be nobodies like the losers they are). But when I see bullying in real life or in fiction, I always have to jump on it. Because if someone has to. Otherwise it never stops. Okay, obviously Borneheld isn't a real person, but fiction promoting bullying behaviour as admirable is just NOT on.
snarkbotanya
May 30 2018, 17:29:19
Epic-Length Comment, Part 1
he can only “recreate the dying” but not heal ordinary wounds
Seriously? How the hell does that make any goddamn sense? Hey, Douglass...
Apparently they’re intelligent but “they also hated”.
What is it with Douglass and using "hate" as an intransitive verb? I mean, back in the last book, we had the Skraelings saying "it hates" when GoreGrail was being a (literal) tantrumy little baby. That was cheesy and cliche, but I could at least buy that they would talk that way, since they were supposed to be creepy monsters, and monsters might have odd speech patterns. Here, though... it's not technically incorrect, but it's awkward and pretentious.
Caelum does not for one second come across as an actual infant – more a cute 100% hygenic little doll for his parents to play with.
In other words, he's a male Renesmee.
Axis listens to the “Star Dance as it danced about and between them”. Whatever the hell that even means.
He's feelin' the vibes, man... the energy of the universe...
Huh, finally he has an opinion I can actually agree with. And it’s even slightly, well, heroic.
It's also entirely out of nowhere and doesn't fit with anything established previously. When has Axis ever been a champion of equality? All I've seen is a pompous douchebag with an entitlement complex.
I don’t know if that’s technically correct or not, but it reads awkwardly to me.
It's not. "Gryphon" may look a bit more Greek-esque to some, but it's actually just a weird-ass alternate form of the modern English "griffin", and it's not very common.
As for older roots of the word, none of them decline that way either. Old French has "griffon", plural "griffons"; Latin has "gryphus", plural "gryphi"; and ancient Greek has "γρῡ́ψ", plural "γρῦπες", dual "γρῦπε". Obviously the declension is a bit more complicated for Latin and ancient Greek, which are heavily inflected languages, but the point is that there is no form of "griffin", ancient or modern, with identical singular and plural forms. Douglass is just wrong.
Borneheld exclaims “Artor’s blow-hole!” as blood falls from the sky, which is one of the weirder exclamations I’ve ever heard (especially given that Artor is a humanoid god who does not have a blowhole).
I'm all for inventing oaths based on your fictional deities, but at least try to base them off a piece of anatomy that the god actually has! A friend of mine and I like to use expressions based on the gods of a world we created, and when we refer to a god's mane and/or tail(s), it's because they're vaguely lion-like humanoids and thus actually have manes and/or tails.
someone called Inari
Hey, another random Japanese name! In Shinto, Inari is the kami of foxes, fertility, and prosperity. Oh, and it's also the name of a kind of sushi.
How fantastical.
snarkbotanya
May 30 2018, 17:29:41 Edited: May 30 2018, 17:30:03
Epic-Length Comment, Part 2
his allies and the refugees are building a town which “with a singular lack of imagination… [they] had named Lakesview”
*cold stare*
Douglass. I know it's pointless to talk to you about this, seeing as you're dead and probably wouldn't read this even if you were alive, and even if you did read this you probably wouldn't listen... but I'd like a word with you. Naming a settlement is not something you do to make people amazed at your creativity. It's something you do so you can fucking say where you live. Sometimes it's named after someone, like its founder or a local leader or a cultural hero, but oftentimes the name is going to be descriptive.
Hell, in some places and settings, descriptive names are a cultural thing. In the setting of my novel, the main character's culture has a thing about naming settlements after the local water features, because not only is that where the first settlements sprang up, but the water is their most effective route of transportation. The area is heavily forested, and the terrain can get rough, so using the local rivers and lakes to get around is faster, easier, and safer than trying to hack your way through the forest. Rivers, streams, and lakes hold extreme cultural significance, and naming settlements after them is a matter of honoring that significance, not "lack of imagination".
But then, the humans in this book have no discernible culture beyond "Generic Medieval European Mishmash", so I guess it's only to be expected that they have no traditions when it comes to naming things. I mean, this is a world where siblings can be named Priam and Rivkah.
Ironically, in calling the name "Lakeview" unimaginative, Douglass only exposed her own lack of creativity.
The fact that one of them is named Funado isn’t helping me to take this scene all that seriously. It sounds like an exciting new ice cream sundae from McDonald’s.
"FUNADO! It's like a tornado of fun... in your mouth!"
Funny, I thought crucifixion was supposed to be one of those executions where it took hours or even days for the victims to die.
It depends on exactly how the crucifixion is done, plus the health of the victim and whether the executioners do anything else to them before tying or nailing them up there. If someone gets crucified with their arms tied straight up over their head, they'll probably die within thirty minutes. If they've got their arms out, though... yeah, they'll probably die within the day, but it'll take at least a few hours.
Borneheld goes on about the “lie” of the Forbidden being allies, and in a weird reference to the, y’know, Crucifixion crucifixion, Gautier stabs one of the dead guys in the guts with a pike to see if he’s still alive.
Wow.
She seriously went there.
She seriously went and cribbed from the motherfucking bible.
We have officially hit Maradonia levels of shit here, guys.
theepistler
May 30 2018, 22:17:34
It depends on exactly how the crucifixion is done, plus the health of the victim and whether the executioners do anything else to them before tying or nailing them up there.
It doesn't say. There's just some vague mention of their not having "died easily".
By the way, re. Rivkah, it turns out "Rivqah" is a real name. It's Hebrew. Just what a Hebrew name is doing in Fantasy Europe, I've no idea.
snarkbotanya
May 31 2018, 07:26:42 Edited: May 31 2018, 07:26:53
If they died quickly, I'm going to assume that they were a) crucified arms-up and b) nailed there rather than tied. Those both make it faster.
I think I've mentioned before that Rivkah comes from the Hebrew רִבְקָה (Rivqah). Etymologically, it's the ancestor of the name Rebecca. I'm not sure what a Hebrew name is doing here either, just as I'm not sure what Greek names and names ripped directly from freaking Latin are doing here.
theepistler
May 31 2018, 08:38:00
It still sounds Indian to me.
theepistler
May 30 2018, 21:50:36 Edited: May 30 2018, 21:51:54
"It hates" or "they hated" is Douglass' term for "it/they is TEH EBILNESS!" That's her shortcut for making anything and everything appear eeeevil - by saying whoever or whatever it is "hates". Why? They just do.
It's also entirely out of nowhere and doesn't fit with anything established previously. When has Axis ever been a champion of equality? All I've seen is a pompous douchebag with an entitlement complex.
Trust me - you haven't missed anything. He's made it abundantly clear that he has no respect for the Icarii or Avar cultures (in fact he openly made fun of the Avar and their magic tree during the Beltide chapter). Nor does he respect the human culture, as he's quite happy to steamroll the lot of them while deliberately stamping out their religion. This guy is NO champion of equality of any sort. His words and actions so far have quite clearly demonstrated that the only thing he really cares about are a) Amassing more power for himself, b) Somehow getting to screw Azhure and Faraday at the same time with no jealousy or hurt feelings (he keeps insisting that he can totally make this happen right up until it turns out he can't) and c) Brutally murdering poor Borneheld in cold blood. In that order. Anything else can take a running jump as far as he's concerned. He doesn't even seem to care about any of his supposed friends, or his family.
theepistler
May 30 2018, 21:52:41
Shit, he doesn't even really seem to care about Azhure except as a source of really great sex.
snarkbotanya
May 30 2018, 22:08:22
Shit, he doesn't even really seem to care about Azhure except as a source of really great sex.
He doesn't. If he actually cared about Azhure, he would have made sure that she actually wanted to have sex back in the Beltide chapter.
theepistler
May 30 2018, 22:42:40
And later on when she gets angry and upset because he's close to being reunited with Faraday, as a result of which she starts refusing to sleep with him, all he thinks about is how frustrated he is because he's not getting Teh Secks. He doesn't think about her feelings or anything like that - he just angsts about how she's not putting out any more, wah wah.
snarkbotanya
May 31 2018, 07:28:31
Wow. That is some serious self-centered douchebaggery right there. This guy's no hero, he's an entitled little bitch who can't handle the world not catering to his every whim. And because he has Author Favor, the world does cater to his every whim more often than not. How absolutely disgusting.
theepistler
May 31 2018, 08:50:14 Edited: May 31 2018, 08:51:01
Yeah. Probably the most consistent character trait he's displayed so far is being selfish and demanding and immediately flying into a sulky temper tantrum if he doesn't get what he wants. And even when he DOES get what he wants, which he always does because he's an author darling, he usually still finds a way to whine about it.
And quite frankly, Azhure isn't much better. She's less aggressive about demanding things, but she whines and sulks about not getting her way just as much as he does. She should be perfectly aware that being Axis' girlfriend (seriously; they're making zero effort to hide the relationship) is going to cause MAJOR diplomatic issues, break Faraday's heart, and infuriate the Avar. (Which is exactly what's going to happen). Does she so much as consider doing anything about it? Nope. She could just up and LEAVE, but she doesn't. Instead she stays right where she is and indulges in a lot of self-centered sulking about how it's not faaaaiiir that Axis is promised to someone else, and never mind that Faraday is an important ally or that the fate of the WORLD is at stake.
They both need to get the fuck over themselves.
snarkbotanya
May 31 2018, 14:49:11
They really do. I'm also seriously pissed that both of our alleged "heroes" are completely sitting out all the major battles in favor of playing with
theepistler
May 31 2018, 20:26:36 Edited: May 31 2018, 20:39:29
Indeed. And that's why the tension in this book is non-existent. The supposed war is happening almost entirely offscreen. GoreGrail and his minions flat-out disappear for huge stretches, to the point that you can be forgiven for forgetting they even exist. The only time you see any sort of stakes is when the narrative briefly goes over to Borneheld... who you're not supposed to care about.
Anonymous
June 1 2018, 01:03:06
How come the author does not ignore the consequences of their douchebaggery and still doesn't realize that her protagonists are a bunch of little snots?
-TTT
theepistler
June 1 2018, 10:37:24
I have no idea. I see other authors do it all the time, and I'm like... how did you not realise your hero is completely unlikeable? Sometimes it honestly feels like they're trying to write a douchebag. Witness Paolini, who actively fought against the removal of a scene in which his "hero" commits cold-blooded murder. In this book, Douglass never misses an opportunity to show Axis being rude, arrogant and nasty to people. Dude, what were you thinking of?
I can only really conclude that in her mind, acting like a douchebag = assertive and leader-like. But I'll tell you right now; leaders who are assholes to their followers tend to lose said followers. I would definitely buy it if these guys were just joining up because they know they'll die if they don't, but instead we're supposed to believe the author's insistence that Axis is Just So Charismatic and Wonderful.
hergrim
June 1 2018, 06:56:41
How could Douglass be so lacking in self-awareness? Borneheld is clearly the skilled, brave, even charismatic leader. Axis is so much the villain it isn't even funny.
But because the entire species is eeeevil, it’s okay to slaughter them all along with the pups and pregnant females (yes, it’s specifically mentioned that they wiped out “their young, their breeding grounds”). I'm getting some major Ra'zac flashbacks right now.
It sounds like the griffins weren't the only ones who "hated". In fact, "they feared" might be more appropriate given the circumstances.
Or rather “the Gryphon attacked”, because apparently in this universe gryphon is both plural and singular. You know, like with sheep. I don’t know if that’s technically correct or not, but it reads awkwardly to me.
It would work better if the griffins were a hivemind. That way, the singular and plural don't matter, there is just the All-Gryphon.
He then moves on from angsting about that to looking at the new buildings now going up – his allies and the refugees are building a town which “with a singular lack of imagination… [they] had named Lakesview”. Don’t throw stones when you live in that particular glass house, author. Remember – you’re the one who thought “Tree Friend” and “StarMan” were a good idea.
When you break any name down, it's ultimately pretty prosaic. Oxford? It's literally the Ox Ford. Chester? It's literally "the fortified military camp". Newborough? The New Town. Basically, humanity is singularly unimaginative when it comes to naming places.
Predictably, Borneheld gets up next morning prepared to do some murderin’, only to find the Ravensbund have all disappeared in the middle of the night without a trace, and even took the dead guys with them. How the fuck did they do that when there’s eleven thousand of them? Yeah, I’m not buying it. At all.
That depends on how far away their camp is. It's not entirely unheard of for even much larger armies to steal a march and "vanish" during the night, even when quite close to their enemies.
theepistler
June 1 2018, 10:19:36
That depends on how far away their camp is. It's not entirely unheard of for even much larger armies to steal a march and "vanish" during the night, even when quite close to their enemies.
Well thing is, you later find out that Borneheld had sentries posted. And they somehow got past ALL of them. It's not as if the Ravensbund even have magical powers; they're just randomly able to do this. Despite being covered in tinkly bells.
How could Douglass be so lacking in self-awareness? Borneheld is clearly the skilled, brave, even charismatic leader. Axis is so much the villain it isn't even funny.
It is truly amazing how willfully blind people can be. :-/
hergrim
June 2 2018, 08:05:10
Ah, the good old stealthy savage trope. What would we do without it?