Brisingr Spork, Chapter 29 - A Forest of Stone

[pangolin20]

zelaznamaska wrote in antishurtugal, 2017-08-18 14:23:00

Brisingr Spork, Chapter 29 - A Forest of Stone

The chapter is quite long, so the sporking is divided into subsections to make it a bit easier to read.

1. Merry-making

A cheer went up from the crowd.
Eragon was sitting in the wooden stands...

When I read those lines for the first time, I panicked, thinking that the crowd was cheering for Eragon.Imagine my relief when I learned that was not the case – they were actually cheering for participants of some dwarf tournament that Eragon was watching.

However, before I learned that, I had to endure almost 700 words of:

• description of Bregan Hold’s location, architecture, building materials, a big glass lantern called Az Sindriznarrvel (which means The Navel Gem of Sindri), and accompanying outbuildings, including a “church” of Morgothal, despite it being a word used practically only for Christian places of worship;
• flashback to Orik greeting Eragon, taking him to the baths and giving him “a robe of deep purple” and „a gold circlet for his brow”;
• flashback to Orik introducing Eragon to Hvedra, his wife he’d married behind the scenes two days earlier. It turns out Orik wanted to invite Eragon to the wedding, but Nasuada refused to pass on the invitation „for fear it might distract [Eragon] from the task at hand.”

Which is absurd for two reasons: one, if they put off the ceremony for just two days, Eragon would have attended it anyway, and two, why would Orik’s wedding (or even just knowing about Orik’s wedding) be a dangerous distraction for Eragon? The real reason Eragon couldn’t attend is of course because Paolini couldn’t and didn’t want to describe another wedding after Roran’s, but I really can’t see why Nasuada couldn’t tell him that Orik had sent a message for him.

Then Eragon asks a very odd question:

“If you don’t mind my curiosity, why did you and Orik choose to marry now?”

It’s just… weird. It may be my very subjective opinion, but I would never think of asking a newly-wed couple a question like that. It’s like an alien came to Earth and tried to imitate human conversation. Does he mean it’s not a good time to get married? Why? Because there’s supposedly a war going on? Because the dwarven federation is politically unstable? Eragon has just seen his cousin get married in much more unfavourable conditions (military camp, immediately after a battle). Or maybe he wants Hvedra to admit that she’s pregnant and that’s why they had to hurry with the wedding, like Roran and Katrina? Does Eragon have a pregnancy fetish? Is that it?

Anyway, they say that the marriage was supposed to take place months ago. If anyone has Eldest at hand, please tell me whether Orik mentioned Hvedra when he was lonely, unhappy and drunk in Ellesmera.

Orik also mentions that he was chosen the leader of the Durgrimst Ingeitum clan (what a surprise), and then we jump back – or forward – to the beginning of the chapter, i.e. the cheering crowd and Eragon sitting in the wooden stands.

That’s a chapter-opening strategy I can’t fully recommend. It’s like someone told Paolini that it’s a good thing to start a chapter in medias res, and not with an infodump or a character waking up and brushing his teeth, so he throws two in medias res sentences at us and then has an infodump/teeth-brushing anyway, and a very long one at that. If I recall correctly, something similar happened in the chapter about the Trial of the Long Knives, which began with angry Fadawar’s going “We’re your people”, followed by descriptions, flashbacks, infodumps and Nasuada’ musings about her guards.

So Eragon is sitting in the stands, honouring life by devouring mutton, and watching a dwarf tournament held traditionally by wealthy dwarven families as a part of the wedding reception. There are Feldunost-riding dwarves, trumpeters, a herald and all that you would expect from a medieval tournament.

I’ve already said it twice on this site: I have a strong belief that Paolini was inspired by Steinbeck’s The Acts of King Arthur and His Noble Knights, an unfinished collection of stories more or less based on Malory that was published with Paolini’s preface around the time he was writing Brisingr. Incidentally, the preface itself is not that bad, there are some things that I agree with, some other things I don’t agree with, but that’s beside the point.

Because the point is what Paolini apparently liked best about Steinbeck’s stories (and what I didn’t like, to be honest):

The setting is of an indeterminate historical period – a mélange of medieval and premedieval elements – and yet Steinbeck makes his world seem as real as ours. He furnishes us with precise details of the land’s agriculture, architecture, class structure, economics, gender roles, and religion…

The opening to this chapter – the detailed description of the hold, Eragon going to the baths and receiving robes and a circlet, the tournament, the discussion of dwarves’ gender roles (Hvedra is the hold’s grimstcarvlorss, i.e. the main administrator) – it’s all Steinbeck. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that Paolini plagiarized him, but it’s clear to me that he tried to give depth to his world by following Steinbeck’s example. And it is quite nice to see an attempt to do some world-building and flesh out the dwarven culture. I’m rather fond of the Feldunost tournament, for example.

The problem is that all of it is completely unimportant because the entire dwarven subplot is unimportant. Dwarves are unimportant, and most of the things we learn about them in this chapter will never be mentioned again. Why didn’t Paolini include a charge of Feldunost-riding dwarves in one of the battles? Why wasn’t there an elite dwarf javelin squad? Why not have a dwarf woman be a quartermaster of the Varden, using the experience she gained as a grimstcarvlorss?

The entire dwarven culture is never an integral part of the books’ world. It’s an appendix that doesn’t mean anything in the long run (and if it gets clogged with too much detail, it may lead to appendicitis).

Orik and Hvedra get all lovey-dovey, rubbing their noses, and Eragon glances away, “feeling lonely and excluded”. Remember it for later. Then Orik asks Eragon if he’d like to see a forest of stone, the local must-see tourist attraction. Eragon is very wary about it, suspecting that Orik’s just making fun of him. He probably knows the forest will be crowded with tourists and greedy locals selling tacky souvenirs.

2. Sight-seeing

The next morning Eragon wakes up in a dwarf-sized room and his feelings of loneliness and exclusion get really EXTREME.
…out of habit, [he] reached with his mind toward Saphira. […] Eragon faltered and leaned forward gripping the rim of the basin, overcome by his sense of isolation. He remained in that position, unable to move or think, until his vision turned crimson and flashing spots floated in front of his eyes. With a gasp, he exhaled and refilled his lungs.

His reaction here is very dramatic and over-the-top, but it’s not bad per se. It even ties in logically with Eragon feeling lonely when he sees Orik and Hvedra together. However, it is completely incoherent with the rest of the book. After all, Eragon didn’t have breathing problems during his trip from Helgrind, did he? Oh, what is that you’re saying, Eragon?

I missed her during the trip from Helgrind, he thought, but at least I knew I was returning to her as fast as I could.

LIAR. He didn’t miss her at all. In fact, in at least one scene he was actually glad to be alone.

Moreover, Eragon’s extreme feeling of grief and longing won’t really influence his actions. It would be much, much better if he was so distressed due to Saphira’s absence that he would make some huge and very dangerous mistake. It would make the plot more interesting, present an opportunity for character development, and raise some questions about the dragon-rider relationship (how beneficial is it really, if neither party can function properly without the other?).

After his short bout of catatonia, Eragon goes out to the courtyard, where he meets Orik and twelve other dwarves that are going with them to where the great dwarf king election is taking place. Before departure, they are stopped with a useless scene of Hvedra going out to the courtyard and giving Orik a horn that used to belong to her father and I want you to have it now, blah blah blah. As far as I know, the horn will never serve any function other than being blown dramatically by Orik right now, as if they were riding to the last battle with the Great Evil™, and not to the seat of the dwarf government. Also, if Hvedra wanted to give Orik a gift and a loving goodbye (she whispers something to him that Eragon can’t hear), why didn’t she do it earlier? Why does it have to be this great ritual witnessed by everyone, especially if the horn is not important at all?

(Probably because it’s another motif lifted from Steinbeck).

They depart and Eragon is irritated (or even “frustrated”) because dwarves on ponies are much slower than our almighty protagonist. He shivers from cold. I’d advise him to use some of the energy he isn’t spending on running and make himself warmer, but instead I’ll just give you some weather-related nitpicking.

The sun had yet to appear over the Beor mountains, and a damp chill pervaded the valley, even though noon was only a few hours away.

How much is a few hours? Three? Six? I can’t really see anything unusual about a mountain valley being cold, dark and misty in the morning. When I went on holiday to the mountains last year, every morning there was a fog so dense that you couldn’t see anything farther away that fifty metres. It cleared around 10-11 a.m. And those weren’t even high mountains, unlike the Beor mountains Paolini is describing.

Anyway, they reach a plateau that is supermisty, and Orik announces that they have now arrived at Az Knurldrathn, the forest of stone. I won’t mock the dwarven words because my own language has words like “chrząszcz” and “ździebko”, so I’m really not one to talk. Orik uses some Swedish inversion by asking:

“What see you now?”

Eragon responds he doesn’t see any forests because it’s foggy. The weather then attacks him with purple prose:

The mist kissed Eragon’s face, cool and moist. […] Under the gentle encouragement of the newborn breeze, the fog thinned and and the disjointed patterns of shade resolved into the boles of large, ash-colored trees with bare and broken limbs.

There are three possibilities here:

1. Orik knew when the mist would clear, because it always clears at 9.15 a.m., which is why he brought Eragon to the stone forest at this particular moment.
2. The mist is made artificially in order to awe tourists with the dramatic reveal when it is cleared by hidden blowers.
3. Paolini wants us to suspend our disbelief for this scene which sacrifices plausibility for dramatism.

That aside, I actually like the idea of the forest of stone. It’s very creepy, and it further fleshes out the dwarven culture when Orik gives various explanations they have for its existence (it was either created by one of the gods, or was once a normal forest that got fossilized after some great disaster). He also tells Eragon a story of how he was once very naughty (or “rambunctious”, as he puts it), and Hrothgar sent him to excavate the stone trees as punishment. However, Orik ran away with Vrenshrrgn dwarves, got drunk and decided to hunt a boar. He succeeded, but he was injured himself, and later he reconciled with Hrothgar, and they lived happily ever after, the end.

Again, this fragment is not that bad. It expands on Orik’s backstory, gives some detail about the dwarven culture, and is quite close to a real conversation between two friends. I’m actually surprised at the amount of backstory we’re given about Orik. We know much more about his youth than about Roran’s, or Eragon’s, for that matter. Come to think of it, does Eragon ever share any stories about his past with his supposed friends?

I can’t think of any. He doesn’t really have any past, does he? He was teleported to the Spine at the beginning of the first book just like Saphira’s egg, with only a vague memory of naked Carvahall men transplanted into his brain.

So Orik’s story is actually bearable, if you only disregard for a moment the fact that dwarves are completely irrelevant as a whole.

3. The burden of global politics

Eragon somehow deduces from the story that Orik misses Hrothgar. The conversation stops feeling natural, as Orik replies a bit inconsequentially that the dwarves are on a brink of a civil war that can destroy their entire civilization because some clans don’t want to help the Varden.

I’m not really sure about the civil war. I’d think that the dwarves who don’t want to go on a war against Galbatorix would just stay at home and ignore those who did otherwise.

Eragon says that dwarves must help the Varden because Galbatorix’s Urgals have already attacked Tronjheim. To which Orik responds:
Those who are opposed to the Varden have blinded themselves to Galbatorix’s threat. They say that if we had refused shelter to the Varden, if we had not accepted you and Saphira into fair Tronjheim, then Galbatorix would have had no reason to make war on us. They say that if we just keep to ourselves and remain hidden in our caves and tunnels, we shall have nothing to fear from Galbatorix. They do not realize that Galbatorix’s hunger for power is insatiable and that he will not rest until all of Alagaesia lies at his feet.

The only problem with the anti-Varden argumentation? It’s actually rational, sound and correct. Galbatorix wouldn’t have attacked Tronjheim if Eragon hadn’t been there. And during his 100-year long reign, he didn’t do much to conquer the dwarves. He didn’t even conquer Surda, which doesn’t have the benefit of natural defences like high mountains and underground tunnels. Again, the image of Galbatorix as the absolute evil and power-hungry villain just isn’t confirmed by what we see.

Anyway, Orik says he wants to run for the dwarf king election and, if he wins, help the Varden. He asks for Eragon’s support.

The conversation that follows shows just how stupid Nasuada was when she sent Eragon with a mission that’s basically political and diplomatic.

It begins quite reasonably. Eragon observes that his support might turn some dwarves against Orik: “you will be asking them to accept a Dragon Rider as one of their own”. It’s a reasonable doubt. After all, there’s no reason why a dragon rider should have any authority with other peoples. However, Orik insists: “it may also gain me the votes of others. Let me be the judge of that.”

But Eragon wants to be the judge himself:

“If… if it is not likely you can win the crown, and there is another clan chief who could, and who is not unsympathetic to the Varden […] and my support might ensure that such a clan chief won the throne, for the good of your people and for the good of the rest of Alagaesia, shouldn’t I back the dwarf who has the best chance of succeeding?”

Orik gets really pissed and reminds Eragon of his duties as a honorary member of Durgrimst Ingeitum:

[…] you will prove to your detractors that we cannot trust a Dragon Rider. Clan members do not betray each other to other clans, Eragon. It is not done, not unless you wish to wake up one night with a dagger buried in your heart.

Eragon tries to escalate the conflict with an ominous “are you threatening me”, and then breaks down into a whiny “Nasuada gave me those orders, what am I to do, woe is me.”

Let’s stop here for a moment and discuss why Eragon is very stupid (and, by extension, so is Nasuada).

First, Eragon knows next to nothing about the dwarves’ politics. Nasuada gave him some information, but I somehow doubt it was much. He doesn’t know any of the clan chiefs except for Orik. He doesn’t know much about relations between clans, their history, their ideologies, position, strenghts and weaknesses. He has no idea if there is another clan chief sympathetic to the Varden with greater chance for election than Orik.

On the other hand, Orik is (supposedly) his close friend and sort-of adopted relative. He’s also someone that Eragon knows well, and who has shown himself as a trustworthy and loyal person, very devoted to fulfilling his duties and obligations. If he says he wants to fight against Galbatorix along the Varden, he most probably will. He is personally attached to Eragon. He also managed to become the clan chief and gain the support of three other clans already, so he isn’t a total nobody. In short, Orik is a perfect ally, and Eragon should do all he can to put him on the throne.

Second, even if there was a better option than Orik, the way Eragon talks to him in this scene couldn’t be less tactful and diplomatic. He tells him, “You are concerned about the good of your people, and rightly so. But my concerns are broader […]” – it’s as if he told Orik “you’re just a petty king of a backwater country and you have no idea about the great politics I have to cope with.” Talking about his intentions so openly and so bluntly just isn’t something a politician would do. A politician would say “Of course I’ll back you, Orik”, even if he were still considering the option of giving his support to a better candidate. A less Machiavellan politician would say “Of course I’ll back you, Orik, if my support is beneficial to the interests of the dwarven kingdom and the entire Alagaesia.” But Eragon does nothing but antagonize Orik who, I remind you, is actually the only sure ally Eragon has among the dwarves. Losing Orik – as Orik himself says – could mean losing the entire Durgrimst Ingeitum.

To conclude, Nasuada sent someone who has no idea about the dwarven politics AND politics in general on a mission that requires diplomatic skills. I don’t know about you, but I’d give her a Nobel peace prize for that.

Having already criticized Eragon from the pragmatic point of view, let’s look at it from the (admittedly more subjective) moral perspective.

I really don’t like Eragon’s conduct in this scene for two reasons.

First, just because I’m a family-oriented type of person who thinks that personal relations are more important than business relations, I think that Eragon doesn’t treat Orik the way one treats a friend and an adopted relative. He’s arrogant and disloyal.

Second, I just don’t like the entire set-up of Eragon influencing dwarven elections. It’s colonialism, pure and simple: the squabbling, barbaric natives are allegedly unable to solve their political problems on their own, and they need an external mediator to tell them who they should choose for their leader and what they should do. The fact that the said mediator is a complete ignorant just makes everything worse.

I don’t expect Eragon to be diplomatic and loyal at the same time (although it’s possible to have both). But he should be at least smart OR moral, and he’s neither.

Now, there is a way to make this scene less terrible and Eragon less unbearable: attribute his bluntness, impetousness and lack of common sense to being separated from Saphira. Make him so distressed about his dragon’s absence that he can’t think clearly and can’t value any relationships other than his rider bond.

But that would actually give some meaning and consequence to his separation from Saphira, and admit that Eragon is flawed. And we can’t have any of that, can we.

Given his complete ignorance of dwarven politics, the logical thing would be to trust Orik’s guidance on that matter. And that is what Orik proposes: “Trust me to do the right thing, Eragon Shadeslayer. […] If I cannot be king, trust me not to be so blinded by the prospect of power that I cannot recognize when my bid has failed. […] then I will, of my own volition, lend my support to one of the other candidates […].”

But Eragon the Pigheaded still hesitates.

Trust. Of all the things Orik could have asked of him, that was the most difficult to grant. Eragon liked Orik, but to subordinate himself to the dwarf’s authority when so much was at stake would be to relinquish even more of his freedom, a prospect he loathed. And along with his freedom, he would also be relinquishing part of his responsibility for the fate of Alagaesia.

1. Eragon mistrusts Orik, even though Orik has never given him any reason to doubt his loyalty and judgment. That’s not how a friend thinks.

2. I’ll repeat it again and again: Eragon doesn’t know anything about the dwarven politics. Trusting Orik is the only sensible thing to do, as Orik is the only dwarf Eragon can trust. He really shouldn’t be so arrogant as to think that he can influence dwarven elections on his own.

3. Eragon should also stop think of himself as some Messiah who is solely responsible for the fate of the world.

4. “Relinquishing his freedom” is a really pompous expression for “leaving the matter in the hands of someone who knows more than him…”

5. “…and who is actually concerned by the election as a native, and not a colonial master who wants to install a puppet government sympathetic to his own cause”.

6. The dwarven election isn’t really all that important. It will have no impact on the overall plot.

Apparently Eragon is afraid that Orik will try to boss him around and make him his “mindless slave”, so he declares he will only defer to him in dwarf-related matters. I’d think it was self-evident, especially since nothing Orik said would suggest otherwise. Maybe Eragon knows he has become a power-hungry, arrogant and unpredictable villain, and fears that Orik is the same. Maybe he’s becoming paranoid. Maybe there’s an interesting plot looming in the distance!

Maybe I’m deluding myself again.

After much deliberation, Eragon finally agrees. There’s some bad joke about long beards to show that Eragon and Orik are BFFS XD, no conflict, no hard feelings at all. They leave the forest of stone and ride together towards the end of the chapter through a narrow tunnel. Eragon wishes he were flying on Saphira. Sadly, he doesn’t have a claustrophobic panic attack.

4. Conclusion

All in all, unlike some other chapters, this one wasn’t a complete waste of space. There were some things I actually liked: the forest of stone, the dwarven tournament, Orik being surprisingly likeable and mostly reasonable, Eragon actually feeling lonely for more than one paragraph (if you count the way he feels when Orik and Hvedra are snogging with their noses). However, the good things are spoilt by Eragon being a jerk with a colonial mindset and no idea about politics, as well as the simple sad fact that dwarves will be completely irrelevant in the long run.

To cheer us up, I suggest a simple contest:

When they were ready to depart, Hvedra descended the broad stone steps from the entrance to the main hall of Bregan Hold, her dress trailing behind her, and presented to Orik an ivory horn clad with gold filigree around the mouth and bell. She said, “This was mine father’s when he rode with Grimstborith Aldhrim. I give it to you so you may remember me in the days to come.” She said more in Dwarvish, so softly Eragon cound not heat, and then she and Orik touched foreheads.

What did Hvedra whisper to Orik? My guess is either “Try leaving the dragon rider blindfolded at the edge of some precipice”, or “You’ve forgotten to zip your pants.”

42 comments

[1]

the_bishop8
August 18 2017, 23:39:39
Anyway, they say that the marriage was supposed to take place months ago. If anyone has Eldest at hand, please tell me whether Orik mentioned Hvedra when he was lonely, unhappy and drunk in Ellesmera.

Orik mentions her once in Eldest, specifically in the scene in which he is lonely, unhappy, and drunk.

Hergrim is sceduled for the next spork, followed by me again. Is Hergrim still to busy to spork?

[1A]

hergrim
August 19 2017, 18:04:57
I'm working on it. I should have it done by next weekend.

[1A1]

theepistler
August 19 2017, 23:42:42
Great! If you have any problems I'm happy to help out. :)

[1B]

theepistler
August 20 2017, 15:28:28
He also talksh like thish, because Paolini thinks that's how drunk people actually talk. Then he and Eragon went to bed together in yet another moment of unintentional homoeroticism. It was a pretty weird scene.

[2]

kris_norge
August 19 2017, 01:17:09
"my own language has words like “chrząszcz” and “ździebko”, " So it's a Slavic-based language then, no? By the look of it I'd say from somewhere in the Balkan region?

[2A]

kris_norge
August 19 2017, 01:32:59
Well google translate says Polish. Which is intereresting as Polish was my first idea.

Anyway, great spork and the worldbuilding of the dwarves' culture was good enough but would have been better if it had any impact on the characters' behavior and on the storyline.

[3]

torylltales
August 19 2017, 08:40:59
Eragon and the elves do have a very colonial mindset, not only towards the dwarves and urgals (and nomadic humans and werecats...) but also toward the settled humans in many ways. Especially in that scene where he heals that baby with cleft palate, it was just dripping with noble colonial condescension.

[3A]

theepistler
August 20 2017, 20:13:59
And especially when the villagers all kiss Eragon's butt and Horst says he's in Eragon's debt, and Eragon "nobly" says there is no debt.

Um, Eragon? Yes there is a debt. You cost these guys their ancestral homes, their livelihoods, and several of their fellow villager's lives. You owe them a massive debt. But none of this is ever brought up. Instead he's just so awesome because he did one small favour to these lesser beings who he royally screwed over just because he wanted to play at being a hero.

Which is a very condescending attitude to have. Watch as the lowly peasants bow and scrape to the member of the superior order, never daring to blame him for his misdeeds while he arrogantly hands down token gifts from on high, and accepts their mindless fawning as his due. It's grotesque.

[4]

theepistler
August 19 2017, 11:00:08 Edited: August 19 2017, 11:02:20
Ugh, this chapter is painful. And boy does Eragon come off as an arrogant, entitled prat of the first order. Once again we're reminded that a) His "bond" with Saphira is a load of horse elbows; he doesn't actually care about her, and after this brief token show of wangst he won't so much as think about her again, and nor will his behaviour be affected. And b) His "friendship" with Orik is also bullshit. He doesn't trust the guy and acts like a complete snot toward him.

Oh, and c) Nasuada is a complete and total moron who should not be in charge of the Varden, or anything else for that matter. But we already knew that.

This entire subplot is, as you say, 100% useless, and so are the dwarves. Paolini puts far more effort into developing their culture than he put into - say - justifying why Galbatorix is a threat and needs to die, and yet they contribute absolutely nothing to the story. "Story elements beyond my control" my arse. This isn't plot, and it isn't a story element. It's nothing but an utterly unnecessary subplot which goes nowhere and accomplishes nothing. The entire dwarven race and their boring election are dead weight. There isn't even any suspense, because we already know Orik is going to become King. It was a foregone conclusion from the moment Hrothgar ate it. He's the King's adopted son, he's Eragon's (alleged) friend, there are no other important dwarf characters, and Paolini never does anything unexpected with his narrative. So you spend most of these chapters just wishing they'd get it the hell over with. Paolini sucks at writing politics anyway.

You're right about the colonial attitudes, too. Eragon and Co. don't give two shits about the dwarves; they treat them as a means to an end and that's it. They don't care that hundreds of them died in the attack on Trondlebongle, which only happened because the Varden was there. And later on Eragon openly contemplates slaughtering an entire dwarf clan just because they're an inconvenience to him. And yet all the "good' dwarves welcome Eragon as a big damn hero, and Orik flat-out says he's totally awesome and the dwarves should say "fuck all that noise" to their ancient culture and join the Riders, who are just so superior. The implications are really not pleasant at all.

I really think Paolini should have just stuck with light adventure rather than trying to be "sophisticated" with the politics and the obsessive world-building. He proved in the first book that he can write a fluffy fantasy adventure story well enough, but when he tries to play with the big boys like Jordan and GRRM it becomes painfully boring, and really juvenile. I mean really - have you guys noticed that nobody in this series acts like a mature adult, even when they're supposedly abut 1000 years old? Oromis, the "wise old elf" throws a temper tantrum later in this book like he's six. Eragon, Roran and Nasuada all act like spoiled brats who think the world revolves around them. This might not have been too annoying if we were still reading a cute little fantasy adventure for kids, but as it is, no. Just no.

[4A]

tt_7
August 19 2017, 22:54:34
I really think Paolini should have just stuck with light adventure rather than trying to be "sophisticated" with the politics and the obsessive world-building

Spot on. I think Pao's obsessiveness in pretending that he knew a lot on deep topics (religion, politics,etc) drags the whole story a lot, not to mention them being protraited in a silly way.

[4A1]

theepistler
August 19 2017, 23:05:09 Edited: August 19 2017, 23:53:50
Writing politics and believably complex cultures is something that takes a lot of practice, and a lot of insight into human psychology. Paolini has neither, and you can tell because his cultures are nonsensical and his politics pretty much just boil down to childish bickering.

[5]

thegharialguy
August 19 2017, 22:46:30 Edited: August 19 2017, 22:54:45
Church isn't just used in relation to Christianity. There's also the Church of Scientology :p

I ship Eragon and the Mist more than anyone else in the series.

[5A]

theepistler
August 19 2017, 23:56:46

[Caption: Head of a cat on a background of yellow and orange rays, with text: 'Join Scientology / Meet celebrities']

My personal ship is Eragon x Eragon. Because no-one could possibly love him more than he already loves himself.

[5A1]

tt_7
August 20 2017, 13:13:44
Because no-one could possibly love him more than he already loves himself.

*brain jumps to Justin Bieber*


[Caption: Black-and-white line drawing of a shocked/angry face]

It couldn't be, could it?

[5A1A]

theepistler
August 20 2017, 15:26:26

[Caption: Gif of Homer Simpson yelling in fear]

Full disclosure - I almost said I shipped Paolini x Eragon. OMG THEIRLOVEISSONARCISSISTIC!!1

[6]

syntinen_laulu
August 20 2017, 00:13:30
There are three possibilities here:

1. Orik knew when the mist would clear, because it always clears at 9.15 a.m., which is why he brought Eragon to the stone forest at this particular moment.
2. The mist is made artificially in order to awe tourists with the dramatic reveal when it is cleared by hidden blowers.
3. Paolini wants us to suspend our disbelief for this scene which sacrifices plausibility for dramatism.

Actually I think there's a fourth: Paolini wants to share with us the Special Wilderness Knowledge that he has on account of having occasionally gone on hikes in the Absaroka mountains and Even Climbed One Once! * Because of course mere ordinary folk aren't in a position to know that in the Great Outdoors there's often mist in the mornings.

He reminds me a bit of an American girl I met in my student travels around Europe: she had had some training for the Peace Corps - though she had eventually never done any work with it - and was desperately proud of the Special Anthropological Knowledge that she had as a result. She shared a sample with me: that it's not on the whole a good idea to go to a Middle Eastern souk wearing a bikini. Wow! Who knew?

*Incidentally, that article describes our at-one-with-nature mountain-man author setting out on a hike in the Absarokas to refresh himself by contact with nature, carrying a staff (?because Gandalf does?) and wearing flipflops. Go figure! I don't believe that hike was more than half a mile long. If that.

[6A]

thegharialguy
August 20 2017, 01:15:09
Damn. And I was so looking forward to showing off my shiny new bikini when I go to Jordan next year.


This joke is only mildly funny if you're aware I'm male. And even then it's not that great humor. If you feel this comment has wasted your time then please reread the joke but imagine a Gharial wearing a bikini in a Muslim market, hissing at passers by.

[6A1]

tt_7
August 20 2017, 13:40:17
And I was so looking forward to showing off my shiny new bikini when I go to Jordan next year.


[Caption: Line drawing of a face with large bloodshot eyes and a detailed mouth. The expression is one of not knowing what to say.]

Does it have sequins on it? Or maybe lace?


imagine a Gharial wearing a bikini in a Muslim market, hissing at passers by.

You can pass off as one of those belly dancers, if done right.

[6A2]

theepistler
August 20 2017, 16:03:22 Edited: September 28 2017, 19:13:15
Sadly, guys in bikinis are unlikely to be welcome in a lot of places. A gharial in a bikini even less so.

[6A2A]

thegharialguy
September 28 2017, 19:24:40 Edited: September 28 2017, 19:25:31
Why are you editing a month old comment?

[6A2A1]

theepistler
September 28 2017, 19:27:01
Because I happened to be reading back over this entry and its comments, and realised with hindsight that this one of mine was poorly worded. It's just a tendency I have since I'm used to constantly going back over my manuscripts and tweaking the wording so it flows better. *shrug*

[6A2A1A]

thegharialguy
September 28 2017, 19:40:17 Edited: September 28 2017, 19:41:54
And here I was thinking Shadowed By Wings was getting you hot for erotic Gharial imagery. Is it not the most sexy creature alive?


[Caption: Image of a gharial with a bikini and underwear on.]
Okay that has to be my new profile pic. Put way too much effort into it for a joke most of the community won't see.

[6A2A1A1]

theepistler
September 28 2017, 19:51:08
*gigglesnort* What a babe.

[6B]

Anonymous
August 20 2017, 08:29:49
Depends on the stick. If it was an actual walking stick with a ferrule then it'd be useful. I don't know about Montana but in New Mexico a stick is a useful tool for keeping yourself from hurtling down a slope.

[6B1]

syntinen_laulu
August 20 2017, 17:44:25
I don't generally use a stick for hillwalking myself, but I know plenty of people who do and I didn't mean to snark at sticks in general. I just don't know any who would carry one that could reasonably be described as a 'staff'. To be fair, the word could have been a bit of embellishment by the journalist and it could have been a perfectly normal stick; but reading about the flip-flops makes me doubt it.

[6C]

theepistler
August 20 2017, 11:07:46 Edited: August 20 2017, 11:09:10
*facepalm*

Gods he's a wanker. A few strolls in the forest and he thinks he's Radaghast the Brown. Remember the time he bragged about this one time he went camping and there was a storm?

Hey, douchebag? I once spent ten days hiking through the mountains with nothing but a plastic sheet to sleep under, and the "toilet" was a small shovel and a roll of paper. It got so cold at night that if you hung your damp clothes outside to try they'd be frozen solid in the morning, and one night a damn wombat came right into my pathetic plastic sheet shelter and made off with a loaf of bread. D'you hear me bragging about any of that in interviews? No. Why? Because it's not relevant to my books and I'm not obsessed with making myself sound cool. He really needs to get the fuck over himself.

[6D]

tt_7
August 20 2017, 13:36:27
The mist is made artificially in order to awe tourists with the dramatic reveal when it is cleared by hidden blowers.

Do I smell a hidden Plants vs Zombies joke here?

wearing flipflops

Hihi. That'd be all blisters for you if you tried more than a mile, mate, speaking from experience. Not to mention the fact that he'd probably fall off a steep climb, if he ever tried one. I was once silly enough to try hike up a steep hill(it wasn't that high,just really steep) using flip flops and had a bad fall where I was thankful enough not to break any bones.

it's not on the whole a good idea to go to a Middle Eastern souk wearing a bikini.Wow! Who knew?

*raises hand* I don't! That's a useful travel tip! Thanks for sharing!

[6D1]

theepistler
August 20 2017, 16:00:43
I've walked on rough terrain in flip flops more than once. Very much NOT recommended. You'd be better off barefoot, quite frankly.

[6D1A]

thegharialguy
August 20 2017, 20:15:04
If you don't recommend it, then why did you do it a second time?

[6D1A1]

theepistler
August 20 2017, 20:24:46
Mostly because I got caught out by something unexpected and didn't have a second pair of footwear on me. Or it was really stinking hot and I couldn't bear the thought of wearing sneakers. I've never been fool enough to go hiking in flip-flops*, though. I'm not THAT stupid. If I know I'm going to be walking a reasonable distance on anything other than flat tarmac or concrete, I break out the hiking boots.

(*Or as we call them here, "thongs").

[6D1A1A]

torylltales
August 22 2017, 19:25:47
I had two surprise bushwalks a few months back, but I was wearing sensible walking shoes at the time.

[6D1A1A1]

theepistler
August 22 2017, 20:49:07
I have this weird habit of getting into unexpected situations. Being caught out in the wrong footwear isn't the half of it. I can't so much as step out my front door without being dragged into some sort of whacky adventure!

...I'm really only half exaggerating. This one time I was feeling tired and decided I'd have a nice quiet day. Lo and behold, as soon as I got to the shops to do some perfectly mundane grocery shopping, a motorcycle crashed right in front of me and I had to help with the rescue. (Fortunately, no-one was hurt).

[6D1A1A1A]

torylltales
August 22 2017, 22:37:34
“It's a dangerous business, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.”

[6D1A1A1A1]

theepistler
August 22 2017, 22:51:35
Good old Bilbo. He was one of my childhood role models. :D

[6E]

doomotter
August 20 2017, 22:43:39
*sigh* I hate how he thinks that just because he went hiking two or three times in Montana he is automatically an outdoorsman. I grew up in Montana too, and I was part of an outdoorsy family and the Boy Scouts, yet I never pretend to be some great mountain man. A lot of Montanan fans I knew grew disillusioned at his constant "I am from Montana so I am so hardcore" talk.

[6E1]

syntinen_laulu
August 21 2017, 02:22:37
He's been so coddled that he honestly thinks that living in Montana (in a comfortable centrally-heated house where his mommy does his laundry and cooks for him) and going on outdoor walks occasionally makes him a mountain man. He really has no idea what hardship actually is. Just as he took for granted that so-poor-they-might-starve peasants eat chicken for breakfast, have private bedrooms and bedside tables, and are issued pocket money by Papa to spend on market day, he believes that he and Angela had "a Tom Sawyer upbringing". He has simply never noticed how much hardship, danger, hunger and physical abuse Tom and Huck Finn accept as normal in Twain's books.

[6E1A]

theepistler
August 21 2017, 07:38:31
I think it really goes back into that particularly American concept of the cult of celebrity. You should be famous not because of anything you've done in particular, but because you're cool and special and unique. Have you noticed how these interviews and articles and the like really aren't selling the books at all - they're selling the author. And Paolini so thoroughly buys into this that he actively encourages it at every turn, bragging about every little thing he does and how Special that makes him. "Look at me, I'm quirky! I make chain mail in my spare time! Look at me, I'm a rugged outdoorsman!" Hell, they don't even sell just him, but his entire boring family.

What makes the books special and exciting to read? Nothing. They're bland generic pulp of the sort you can find in any airport. But you see the author is a prodigy, and so very interesting. It's so pathetically transparent and condescending.

[6E1A1]

Anonymous
August 21 2017, 11:55:17
Not specifically or exclusively an American concept, by any means. Which I should clarify by noting hat the British have observed a problem with that as well.

[6E1A1A]

theepistler
August 24 2017, 13:59:15
Sad but true. I do see an awful lot of it coming out of the US, though.

[6F]

minionnumber2
August 21 2017, 17:32:34
I think the fifth possibility is that he's writing with a movie in mind. He's imagining what the cinematography would look like instead of trying to capture the scene with a more natural approach.

[7]

Anonymous
August 25 2017, 09:28:33
To be "fair" about the part of admitting that Eragon is flawed (In the diplomatic conversation), in Inheritance he DOES admit that he isn't perfect and has some flaws (Superficial ones, but existant anyways)

By the way, is it just me of that phrase of "We can't have anyhting interesting/entertaining/whatever, can we" is starting to get really annoying.
(Sorry, it just sounds incredibly condescending and whiny)

[7A]

zelaznamaska
August 28 2017, 16:06:57
I'm sorry if you find the phrase I use once in the spork repetitive and annoying. Please remember this is a spork, and the diminating emotion for that genre is discontent. Is it condescending? To some extent, yes; you can't really criticize something unless you feel you know better than its creator. Still, you might notice I give Paolini credit where I feel credit is due, and I sometimes play devil's advocate on this very site.

As for the first part of your comment, Eragon admitting he has superficial flaws a book later (or Paolini admitting Eragon has flawd many years later) doesn't change the fact that he's a stupid jerk in this scene, and his behaviour is presented as justified.