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Pixen wrote in antishurtugal, 2017-09-12 00:35:00
Brisingr Spork: Chapter 32: A Matter of Perspective
For this chapter I was planning to give a quick rundown on what actually happens plotwise during Saphira's very first POV chapter in the series. This was for my own benefit, mostly! as otherwise I would probably be wrapped far too much up in ranting nonstop about just how awkward the prose is and forget to mention plot entirely.
Luckily, however, the Inheritance Wikia sums it up quite nicely:
[Caption: Text that says: 'A Matter of Perspective is the 32nd chapter of Brisingr. It takes place from the view of Saphira.' Next to this is a tiny picture of the cover of Brisingr.
Below this is a heading named 'Summary' with a link to edit it.
The text below says: 'Saphira enjoys some time to fly and hunt deer along the Jiet River, but would rather have done it with Eragon. Roran returns, though Martland Redbeard lost a hand in the fighting.
]
Saphira enjoys some time to fly and hunt deer along the Jiet River, but would rather have done it with Eragon. Roran returns, though Martland Redbeard lost a hand in the fighting.
The wind-of-morning-heat-above-flat-land, which was different from the wind-of-morning-heat-above-hills, shifted.
Er-hem. Might I suggest...
The wind shifted.
Eh? Eh?? Or izzat getting a little too soon to the
Saphira is flying thousands of feet in the air, stroking her ego all the while. The main problems I have in this egocentric blah-blah is that Saphira muses that a dragon (with Thorn and Shruikan in mind) who 'was not free to do as he or she wished [is] not a dragon at all' — when Saphira is at this very moment not free to do as she wishes, what with being bored out of her wits waiting for Eragon to return and keeping the farce of 'Eragon is still here with the Varden troops' in their enemy's eyes believable.
I also don't know how a dragon wriggling its entire body with pleasure whilst it's in flight so high up would work, really; as she's in the midst of keeping her body streamlined enough so she can stay in the air.
The heat of the sun made her feel as if she were lying in a nest of coals.
But the sun is above her and a nest of coals would be warming from the bottom. In any case, Saphira realises even though she's pretty happy-as-Larry right now physically, she's really starting to worry about and miss Eragon. This angst makes her snap at a sparrow close by in the air.
A sparrow that isn't flocking and for some reason is flying as high as she is right now. Correct me if I'm wrong, but although sparrows can fly that high, they have pretty much no reason to — and thus don't, really?
And she could hear the high-pitched squeaks of frightened animals warning their brethren of her presence. Their wavering cries gratified her; it was only right that her food should fear her. If ever she should fear it, she would know it was her time to die.
What does that last bit even mean? I mean I get it, but... it's a little dramatic...
The Varden have meanwhile forded the Jiet river on their way... somewhere. Yes, I admittedly have no idea. Either forgot or wasn't interested enough to pay attention in the first place. Not a great sign...
Flying was so easy, it never ceased to puzzle her why any creature would remain earthbound. Even Eragon retained his attachment to the soft-hard-ground, when she knew he could join her in the sky at any time merely by uttering a few words in the ancient language.
There we have it. Saphira herself admitting she is completely useless to the story now. Not even relegated to horse-with-wings any longer. Eragon has little to no need for a dragon, now he's done the Aegati Blodhren and can shape reality into forms more pleasing to him whenever he damn well pleases.
Saphira spots Roran's band of men and horses returning, and mentally alerts Arya. She's no sooner put the phone down when Blodhgarm calls, worried that their deception will be noticed if she spends any more time up there. She descends to a thousand feet. That's three times now the word 'thousand' has appeared in the chapter. We get it. She's high up. Shame you lost a bit of that impact when the random sparrow turned up, though.
Saphira lands, dozes outside Eragon's tent, then wakens at near-sunset at the arrival of Roran's band. Blodgharm spells a fake-Eragon (oh no, I'm doing it too, now!) that climbs on Saphira's back. She makes her way to Nasuada's tent and sticks her head in. Martland Redbeard, Roran and another human join them. They fill Nas and Saph in on the Laughing Dead fiasco. Once done, Nas dismisses them apart from Roran; and Paolini forgets the chapter is meant to be through Saphira's eyes. She has no actual thoughts about their somewhat tense conversation, makes note of stuff she wouldn't care about, and simply calls them by first name.
Roran gripped the head of the hammer stuck through his belt, veins and tendons standing out on his hand, but his tone remained polite. “Of course, Lady Nasuada.”
Yeah, that's definitely the same style we've been treated with the entire time. Why do I care less about this entire exchange than Saphira - who loathes dithering? The only reason this dialogue is in here is for the reader. Nas captain-blocks Roran and gets some more info on the Laughing Dead. Once he's gone, Saph asks about Eragon, but Nas hasn't heard anything.
“If he has not contacted us by the day after tomorrow, I will have Arya send a message to one of Orik’s spellcasters demanding a report from him. If Eragon is unable to hasten the end of the dwarves’ clanmeet, then I fear we will no longer be able to count on the dwarves as allies during the battles to come. The only good of such a disastrous outcome would be that Eragon could return to us without further delay.”
Once back at Eragon's tent, Saphira [resigns] herself to waiting out the remainder of the day in unrelieved monotony. What's that again about a dragon not free to do as [...] she wished [...] not [being] a dragon at all?
In her boredom, she mentally contacts Roran and ends up cockblocking the guy; who is busy catching up with Katrina. This is just about as awkward as every time Paolini writes anything with a sexual bent. Saphira quickly realises what's going on — to her amusement! — but keeps nattering at him anyway. Wonder how she'd have reacted if Arya and Eragon hadn't had been so polite when she got with Firnen and decided to poke their mental noses in on them and start chatting whilst they were going at it?
She falls asleep and dreams in purple prose:
She flapped and she flapped until she rose above the unreachable peaks of the Beor Mountains. There she circled for a time, gazing down at the whole of Alagaësia laid out before her. Then an uncontrollable desire entered her to climb even higher and see what she might, and so she began flapping again, and in what seemed like the blink of an eye, she soared past the glaring moon, until only she and the silver stars hung in the black sky. She drifted among the heavens for an indeterminate period, queen of the bright, jewel-like world below, but then disquiet entered her soul, and she cried out with her thoughts: Eragon, where are you!
Hoo boy. What a chapter of nothing.
Further Thoughts:
I can't exactly put my finger on why but the entirety of the description on how she flies, moves and thinks doesn't ring true to a creature her size and form, doesn't feel like it was easy to write — and doesn't sound like she's narrating in the first place. In fact, it sounds like Paolini is way too present here in the prose; probably because he's trying so hard to point both fingers: "Look! Saphira's a DRAGON! See? See? She's thinking and doing DRAGON THINGS!" up until he just gives up halfway through. The endless trying is only causing to make this entire chapter a big ol' mess of inconsequential, silly surface detail but neglecting to really delve deeper into how would an Alagaesian dragon think?' (besides: "I'm the most beautiful creature in all the land!") and 'how would they do the things they do, and why would they feel motivated to do them?'.
Let's not even get started on the 'things-that-look-like-this' because it's the silliest way to make this character somehow different to humanoid characters. When ever has Saphira (or any dragon) talked like that to anybody besides themselves in their POV chapters? Does anyone else smell a retcon? This also does not fit her told character trait of wanting to get to the point; all that endless dithering about sharp-pointy-trees and not-good-to-drink-water when she's complaining later about how nobody but the late Brom ever talks straight. There's no rhyme or reason to this model, either — she's perfectly capable and happy to call people by their first and last names one time, then a sentence later add on all this extraneous red-long-beard-man tripe. So what is it? Round-ears or man?
For those after a more comprehensive list of dashed-dragon-words (with snarky comments aplenty), it's here at my old Wikispaces writing archive until the thirty days free runs out.
Inheritance Dragon Vocabulary
51 comments
[1]
anontu
September 12 2017, 01:49:28
Ah. I was worried about this. There was a flaw in the system and I think it was partially because you were away, Pipedream and I was an anon when I requested the
chapter.
https://antishurtugal.livejournal.com/947838.html?thread=22250622#t22250622. Control + f "A Matter of Perspective".
I wrote it a while ago and although it's certainly not as good as this spork, I'd prefer to post it than to have the time I spent on it wasted. From skimming this I've found
we've focused on different things too. Would it be okay to post my version of a sporking of this chapter?
[1A]
the_bishop8
September 12 2017, 01:59:49
Are you the anon from this conversation?
https://antishurtugal.livejournal.com/916874.html?thread=21099914#t21099914
[1A1]
anontu
September 12 2017, 18:27:44
Yep, that's me.
[1A1A]
the_bishop8
September 13 2017, 01:12:53
Looks like all the confusion stemmed from Paolini's chapter pun.
[1B]
hidden_urchin
September 12 2017, 02:09:09
One can never have too many sporks, in my opinion.
[1C]
pipedreamno20
September 12 2017, 07:37:15
Yes please!
[1C1]
pipedreamno20
September 12 2017, 07:41:26
Terribly sorry, by the way, Anontu, for the confusion and snaking your chapter! Would very much like to see someone else's version.
[1C1A]
anontu
September 12 2017, 18:27:35
Nah, that's fine. I've never sporked before anyway and since this is the first of Saphira's chapters it was better to have a spork of it done by someone with more experience. I'd say it worked out for the better in that regard.
[1C1A1]
pipedreamno20
September 12 2017, 18:35:29
You'll still post it, though? *hopeful puppy dog eyes*
[1C1A1A]
anontu
September 13 2017, 23:01:09
Sure. I'll need to go over it again, make sure I've included everything that sticks out to me.
[1C1A1A1]
pipedreamno20
September 13 2017, 23:02:37
Yay! :)
[1D]
torylltales
September 12 2017, 07:45:18
There's absolutely no reason why you shouldn't post your spork as well. The more the merrier, I say!
[2]
torylltales
September 12 2017, 01:52:30 Edited: September 12 2017, 01:53:19
1. While sparrows have been known to fly at 16,000 feet above sea level, that is in alpine areas where they're actually not that far above the ground. They certainly would not have any reason whatsoever (or possibly the energy, considering their mass and food sources) to fly more than 1000 feet above a flat plain.
2. Saphira's point of view disturbs me because it's inconsistent and not really any different from a human perspective. Dragons are not only not human, they are not mammal, so their perspective should be totally alien to us. I made a post about it here including a possible idea to lend the dragon mindset a bit more of an inhuman feel.
Since then I've become rather more fond of the idea that a predator's internal monologue might class nouns by whether or not they are edible. With Eragon-not-food on her back, they flew over a herd of sheep-food grazing on the tall grass-not-food in the field-inedible. It would be a long flight towards Ellesmera-inedible, but the elves-not-food had promised to meet them at the edge of the forest-inedible.
A bit clunky in English, but at least it's more in keeping with an inhuman apex predator.
[2A]
torylltales
September 12 2017, 02:05:28
Another good example is the Goblintongue dialogue in the video game West of Loathing. By tweaking a few syntactic elements they created a form of English that most people can parse, that is still foreign enough to be from an inhuman species.
[2B]
pipedreamno20
September 12 2017, 07:48:01
"Ellesmera-inedible"
Love it.
[2B1]
torylltales
September 12 2017, 08:28:33
Even better, judgements of edibility can be infused with subtle social commentary. "Oromis-toxic", for example, or "Nasuada-poisonous".
[2B1A]
snarkbotanya
September 12 2017, 15:43:58 Edited: September 12 2017, 15:44:26
Heh, I like that! Though Saphira probably wouldn't call those characters by such unfavorable names, since she's a Paolini Protagonist, and thus views all other Paolini Protagonists as noble demigods whose shit smells like roses.
Personally, I favor the idea that dragons don't naturally think in words, but more in images and emotions, like the Leerans in Animorphs, who are also a telepathic species. Leeran speech is rendered in English (bold, italicized, and underlined, to distinguish it from the more garden-variety universal-translator'd "thought-speech," which is rendered using arrow-brackets for quotation marks), but when first seen, it's described as being more like pictures than words. This would explain two things that I've always found a bit puzzling: firstly, why do baby dragons need to learn to talk if they were aware in their egg; and secondly, why did the also-telepathic elves originally think that dragons were non-sapient? If they naturally communicate by telepathically sharing visual and emotional ideas, then it would make sense that they need a little time to match those things to words, and that the elves might not have realized that they were intelligent. This idea forms the basis for a lot of Verja's
scenes in my fic, even once she's learned to talk; for example, when she conveys which way is north not by stating a direction, but by sending Vanora an urge to turn left.
[2B1A1]
Anonymous
September 13 2017, 03:10:49
It depends on how a dragon's senses are arrayed, I think. The way they process information would change how they thought.
If they're sight-oriented hunters like most birds of prey then they'd definitely think in images as you describe.
If they're smell-oriented like a wolf or big cat then they might have a whole layer of conversation based on their perception of high-detail scents through a sapient creature's lens.
If they have extra senses- heat detections, sensitivity to vibrations, or the like, then awareness of those fluctuations that other creatures can't physically notice will affect their behavior in ways that seem strange.
[2B1A1A]
snarkbotanya
September 13 2017, 03:53:00
Considering dragons hunt while flying, I would suspect that they're mostly sight-oriented, though Saphira's comments about characters' scents do indicate a rather strong sense of smell.
[2B1A1A1]
Anonymous
September 13 2017, 05:42:29
Oh yeah, good point.
In that case wouldn't seeing the world mostly as blue (or some other color) be a massive disadvantage?
Not that it's a requirement to have human color vision to be a sight-oriented predator- cats and dogs after all. And owls are completely color-blind, though they're nocturnal so it doesn't affect them adversely.
Still hawks have excellent color vision, including, I believe, some ultraviolet shades?
[2B1A1A1A]
snarkbotanya
September 13 2017, 07:54:33
I actually think the differently-colored vision could be folded into a more visual system of communication. If they share images telepathically, then thegeneral color scheme of their vision could be a distinguishing feature of individuals, as distinct as variations in the human voice.
[3]
snarkbotanya
September 12 2017, 07:54:06 Edited: September 12 2017, 07:55:21
Paolini forgets the chapter is meant to be through Saphira's eyes. She has no actual thoughts about their somewhat tense conversation, makes note of stuff she wouldn't care about, and simply calls them by first name.
Another bad tendency that Christopher Paolini shares with Stephenie Meyer: treating the viewpoint character like an omniscient narrator. It's bad in both cases, but at least Paolini has the excuse of writing in third person. He can at least claim to have slipped into omniscience for a moment, clumsy and awkward as it would still be.
When ever has Saphira (or any dragon) talked like that to anybody besides themselves in their POV chapters? Does anyone else smell a retcon?
I do. I also think Saphira's inconsistent hyphen-overloads make her sound mentally disabled. The fact that she uses them at some times but not others makes it sound like she momentarily forgot what something or someone was called and had to word-association it back into her mind. Add the fact that she didn't talk until she was a month old, even though dragons are supposed to be intelligent and aware even in their eggs, it really seems like she's just kind of slow.
And now, I'm going to do something I like to call a There, I Fixed It:
"The wind-of-morning-heat-above-flat-land, which was different from the wind-of-morning-heat-above-hills, shifted. Saphira adjusted the angle of her wings to compensate for the changes in the speed and pressure of the air that supported her weight thousands of feet above the sun-bathed land below. She closed her double eyelids for a moment, luxuriating in the soft bed of the wind, as well as the warmth of the morning rays beating down upon her sinewy length. She imagined how the light must make her scales sparkle and how those who saw her circling in the sky must marvel at the sight, and she hummed with pleasure, content in the knowledge that she was the most beautiful creature in Alagaësia, for who could hope to match the glory of her scales; and her long, tapering tail; and her wings, so fair and well formed; and her curved claws; and her long white fangs, with which she could sever the neck of a wild ox with a single bite? Not Glaedr-of-the-gold-scales, who had lost a leg during the fall of the Riders. Nor could Thorn or Shruikan, for they were both slaves to Galbatorix, and their forced servitude had twisted their minds. A dragon who was not free to do as he or she wished was not a dragon at all. Besides, they were males, and while males might appear majestic, they could not embody the beauty she did. No, she was the most stunning creature in Alagaësia, and that was as it should be."
The descriptions are utterly bloated, and the hyphenation only makes them worse. As for characterization, Paolini was clearly going for "vain," but overshot and ended up neck-deep in "narcissistic and megalomaniacal." The comment about other dragons not being able to equal her beauty because they're boys also rings rather sexist. Who says a guy can't be beautiful?
So, let's trim this down and dial it back to regular vanity:
"The wind shifted, and Saphira adjusted the angle of her wings to compensate. An earthbound creature could not have appreciated the subtle differences between the morning air over plains and over hills, but to her it was night and day. Even while surveying the sun-bathed land that stretched wide below, she could feel every minute change in the air around her. As the sun warmed the membranes of her wings, she thought back to the images she had seen in Eragon's mind of her in flight, and her heart glowed with pride. She truly was at her most beautiful when she flew, graceful and free, the sunlight sparkling off her scales like a thousand polished sapphires."
Cut a bunch of unnecessary description while enhancing the emphasis on her knowledge of the sky and joy in flying; added some thought about Eragon to emphasize their bond; and dialed it back from "the most beautiful creature in Alagaësia" to "at her most beautiful when she flew." THIS IS HOW YOU EDIT, PAOLINI!
[3A]
torylltales
September 12 2017, 08:38:59
...damn. If Paolini had even half of your talent or ear for phrasing, Anti-shurtugal wouldn't exist. Your edit is immeasurably better.
[3A1]
snarkbotanya
September 12 2017, 09:53:10
Having an ear for phrasing is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, it helps me write; on the other, it makes me twitch when I encounter poor phrasing. For example:
"A ball of red flame sprang from his hand and flew toward the elf, fast as an arrow. But he was too late. A flash of emerald light briefly illuminated the forest, and the stone vanished. Then the red fire smote her and she collapsed."
(Eragon, Prologue)
This is supposed to be a tense scene. The short, snappy sentences are actually kind of good for that; they lend an urgent feel to the writing. Still, it's a bit overdone, and then he had to go in and put "illuminated" in there. It totally wrecks the flow! Now try this:
"The crimson bolt sprang from his hand faster than any arrow, but it was too late. A flash of green light burst between her hands, and the stone vanished. Then the red fire smote her and she collapsed."
There are a couple other fixes (e.g. having light travel at the speed of, you know, LIGHT), but the biggest change is that now, you can pronounce every word in a maximum of two syllables. That quick, almost staccato feel makes the scene seem as quick as it is, even if it takes three sentences to describe. The version that ended up in the book is a perfect example of Paolini wrecking his text by showing off his SAT words.
[3B]
pipedreamno20
September 12 2017, 08:59:20
Your "There, I Fixed It" makes me wriggle with pleasure from head to tailtip. Or something.
(Torylltales said it better though hehe)
[3B1]
snarkbotanya
September 12 2017, 10:04:03
I have considered doing a post on There, I Fixed It's. They were kind of a thing with me and my friends when I reread Eragon and snarked to them about it. I recall doing some particularly fun ones with all the urple scenery descriptions.
[3B1A]
pipedreamno20
September 12 2017, 14:25:15
If you end up collating and posting them, I'd be keen to have a read!
[3B1A1]
snarkbotanya
September 12 2017, 16:32:38
Most of them are hidden deep in the depths of Skype, but I may be able to recover or recreate them.
[3C]
thegharialguy
September 13 2017, 14:57:16
I don't really mind a bit of dragon sexism. A lot of animals are divided by gender in which one is unarguably more visually beautiful than the other (not just in human perspective but for the animals mating habits too). Now we have no idea if this is meant to be the case for dragons or merely Saphira's bias perspective but even if its the later I don't really feel all that compelled to judge a non human creature by human ethical standards.
[3C1]
snarkbotanya
September 13 2017, 15:13:36
I think I would accept it a bit more readily if dragons had more obvious sexual dimorphism. Birds of paradise and anglerfish are immediately recognizable by gender, but no distinguishing features are ever mentioned for Inheritance dragons, at least not physically. Females are said to be more aggressive and vain than males, which I suppose could lead them to take more care of their appearance, but there's never any actual description of what would make them more beautiful. It's also worth noting that in the vast majority of species with noticeable aesthetic differences along gender lines, it's the males who do the presenting.
[3C1A]
thegharialguy
September 13 2017, 16:38:39 Edited: September 13 2017, 16:39:13
Animals that are more immediatly recognisable to humans have very clear visual difference. But it could be possible for dragons (or any animal) that look almost indistinguishable from humans to have majorly differing opinions on beauty (like remember in Guardians of the Galaxy 2 how Drax kept on insisting that the cute looking wide eyed alien was hideous. T'was pretty funny).
Now that's probably not the case and it is just Saphira's sexis opinion, but I wouldn't criticize a dragon for having a sexist opinion, at least not the way I would a human. The same way I wouldn't consider Smaug to be a monstrous killer for all the slaughter he partakes in. I mean he is a monster and a killer but I'd have more negative views of a human or humanlike being for doing the same thing than a dragon. They're fundamentally different creatures so I judge them on a different metric.
The dragons in my own books are characterized by their massive arrogance. They solidly believe in their own superiority over other life and care less about preserving their lives than preserving the reputation of their species (to the extent that many would risk extinction just to prove a point). If a dragon kills another dragon none of them care, even if they're friends, but if any other species kills one they'll raze an entire nation as retribution. This isn't depicted by the narrative as particularly foolish or unwise of them. Just alien. Although while the narrative itself doesn't condemn them, some characters in universe certainly do.
[3C1A1]
snarkbotanya
September 13 2017, 16:55:46
That is a fair point; different standards of beauty are indeed a thing to keep in mind. The example I like to think about is Ax in Animorphs, who says that humans "cover all the wrong parts" because "there is nothing uglier than a human nose." He also has a bit about not understanding why the human Animorphs think Rachel is beautiful and Marco is cute.
I personally have some qualms with any being that kills other sapient creatures, whether or not they're alien to each other. It's a bit more forgivable if the being doing the killing doesn't realize that the creatures they're killing are sapient (e.g. the aliens in Ender's Game, who don't realize that we aren't a hivemind and every human they kill is a complete individual), but if they realize that the beings they're killing are self-aware and capable of conscious, complex thinking, I have a problem with them.
[3C1A1A]
thegharialguy
September 13 2017, 17:05:05
I don't think many people would disagree with you on an ethical debate level. But when it does come down to it I also think most people would find Hannibal Lecter more disturbing than Shere Khan even though they have the same basic goals.
[3C1A1A1]
snarkbotanya
September 13 2017, 17:20:39 Edited: September 13 2017, 17:21:05
That is a fair point. It does get a bit more disturbing, at least to the human sense of things, when the creatures involved are the same. Heck, the response is stronger when it's just a bit more similar; now that I think about it, I have a far more visceral response to thinking about a vampire eating humans than a dragon eating humans. Both are horrible, but the vampire used to be one of us, which makes it worse.
[3C1A1A1A]
thegharialguy
September 13 2017, 17:45:40 Edited: September 13 2017, 17:47:49
The same effect can also be seen even among different cultures. Take Kahl Drogo and Joffrey Baratheon as an example. Kahl Drogo is a rapist mass murder who kills dozens for sport and material gain. Joffrey is a young prince who tortures a few select people for his own amusement. On paper Kahl Drogo is clearly much worse yet Joffrey is a much more despicable character because Kahl Drogo is only acting in accordance with his culture while Joffrey is just acting out of sadism. Now that doesn't mean we should just let fantasy mongols off the hook because "it's their culture", but allowances for what is considered bad and good do exist based what is considered normal for a group. Maybe they shouldn't and we should hate Kahl Drogo more than Joffrey, but the way the human brain is wired to work is to judge more harshly what we can empathise with.
Which brings me to the point that maybe the reason Saphira's sexist comment feels so uncouth is because Paolini hasn't done enough to actually establish that she is, in fact, a dragon.
[3C1A1A1A1]
snarkbotanya
September 13 2017, 17:55:01
Indeed. There's a vast difference between a terrible act done out of malice and a terrible act done out of ignorance or misconception.
Saphira's comment is also jarring coming from the same writer who objectifies Arya all over the place and seems incapable of describing a female character without referring to whether she's beautiful.
[3C1A1B]
Anonymous
September 13 2017, 20:12:47
(Off topic). I was trying to experiment with the idea of eating sentient beings, being conditioned by culture and 'what everyone is doing' etc. I wrote a small sketch to explore the idea, set in a future where humans are space-faring and have contact with aliens. (All the proper nouns sound like random typing, because they are. I did not focus on making them sound right etc.). (None of the views of the characters echoes my personal views)
------------------
Geo is new to the extraterrestrial world. He has never been outside earth before. He is in the mess hall with Kyro, an extraterrestrial human being.
Geo: What's that you are eating, Kyro?
Kyro: It's Bekolli Souffle. Very tasty and nutritious. Want some?
Geo: Bekolli.. BEKOLLI! You mean one of those creatures we met yesterday?
Kyro: Yes, why? What's wrong?
Geo: But he was alive! I mean, he talked! I mean, we talked to him! Er, he was sentient!
Kyro: (mouth full): mm, oh yeah. They are one of the more intelligent species out here.
Geo: That's cannibalism! I didn't know space humans have degraded so much! … (Starts to freak out)
Kyro: Calm down, it's not cannibalism. Now if I were to eat you, well…
Geo: Gah! You can't just talk to someone one day and eat him the next day!
Kyro: I'm pretty sure this bekolli is not Kthlgura. I talked to him today about the sketch for Section 14A. He's fine.
Geo: What, he had no problem that you are eating a member of his species?
Kyro: That's the circle of life. Dogs eat cats, cats eat mice, mice eat.. Cheese? Are mice herbivores, Geo?
Geo: (Still freaking out) That is entirely not the point. Would you be ok if there were creatures that eat humans?
Kyro: Of course, there are creatures that eat humans. Blaf-hahah eat humans. So do Rogenslros.
Geo: Blafaha-what now?
Kyro: Oh Blaf-hahah. Their name is unpronounceable. The Diplos came up with that name after sitting for 8 hours with the Blaf-hahaha diplomatic team. We needed something that sounded close to their name and was not offensive in either language. The Diplos didn't tell them that hahaha means something else to humans.
Geo: We have diplomatic relations with a species that eats humans?
Kyro: Yup. They have power over the entire Belar sector. Plus they have monopoly over trytonium trade. We needed to give several trade concessions before they agreed to favour us over the Cremolians. What's the big deal? Even on earth, there were creatures that ate humans, right? Er, lions and tiggers?
Geo: Tigers, you mean? They died out long ago. Now we only have microbes *sigh*. Anyway, we don't have diplomatic relations with them! How is it even possible to make deals with someone who might eat you at any moment?
Kyro: Oh, they won't eat diplomats in safe zones. Its only in the wild that they eat humans. If you are out in the wild with inferior weapons and you met a Blaf-hahaha with superior weapons and speed, and who was hungry enough, be prepared to be Blaf-hahaha lunch. On the other hand, if you had superior weapons, you might kill the Blaf-hahaha.
Geo: Do humans eat the Blafalas too?
Kyro: No no, doesn't agree with our stomach. They are Oblates. Only oblivore creatures can eat them, like Gramuba worms. Incidentally, Gramuba worms are a delicacy of Bekollis. See? Circle of life.
Geo: (To himself) This is not ok, this is not ok, this is not ok..
Kyro: Ah, you'll get used to it.
-TTT
[3C1A1B1]
snarkbotanya
September 14 2017, 12:49:59
Despite the cat-on-the-keyboard naming style, I'm kind of impressed with the amount of worldbuilding you managed to pack into that conversation. Earth's animals being extinct, some humans being disconnected enough from our heritage to call tigers "tiggers" and not know what mice eat, a competitive market for something called "trytonium," diplomatic relations with alien species whose names are unpronounceable by humans... you've got the makings of a decent sci-fi setting there.
[3C1A1B2]
thegharialguy
September 14 2017, 14:10:18
That's pretty great. Have to agree with snark, an amazing amount of world building for such a short piece.
...Is it...Is it weird I sort of agree with the space humans? I mean I'm not for hunting sapient life but if it's dead already then why not? We all end up as worm food anyway.
[3C1A1B2A]
Anonymous
September 14 2017, 14:59:40
I am not sure what to think, really. In Narnia, Aslan gave a convenient guideline, "Don't eat talking animals". But what if animals are on an intelligence continuum? How do you decide?
Also, what is the moral difference between hunting down an animal and eating it, or getting someone else to do all the dirty work and just eating mess food?
I eat non-veg with every meal, in a country where the majority are vegetarians. One of the justifications which I give is the intelligence continuum. Crops die when we harvest them. Plants also have a form of intelligence etc. But what if it was taken to the other extreme and humans end up as the food chain of other animals?
-TTT
[3C1A1B2A1]
zorbulon
September 14 2017, 16:34:20
And somewhere on that spectrum we also have The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, too...
[3C1A1B3]
ggsauron
September 15 2017, 09:44:46
Gar! You failed to mention that those errant flesh-mongers, those gore-bellied, boggle-minded idiot worshipers were cannibals.
[4]
theepistler
September 12 2017, 10:38:13
And as we all suspected, underneath her vain, arrogant exterior Saphira is in fact... vain and arrogant and nothing else! SCORE!
That Paolini thinks giving her stupid hyphenated thoughts makes her come across as dragonish or otherwise non-human is pretty laughable. It doesn't make her sound non-human - it makes her sound like an idiot barely capable of thought.
She did, however, actually talk like this at least once before - in the first book she calls Eragon's horse a "wretched deer-animal" or something like it. It was in the chapter where she bullies and threatens him into riding her. (This was about the point in the series that I started to heartily dislike Saphira). And then it was promptly dropped, only to resurface now of all times.
[4A]
pipedreamno20
September 12 2017, 10:42:35
Ah, I hadn't remembered that bit in Eragon.
[4A1]
theepistler
September 12 2017, 11:17:40
To be fair, I don't think anybody did. I've never once seen it mentioned here before.
[4A1A]
snarkbotanya
September 12 2017, 11:24:09
Now that you mention it, I do remember that scene. I also remember thinking that "wretched deer-animal" was just a mean name she was using for the horse as part of the bullying. I never actually connected it to the hyphen overloads.
[4B]
thegharialguy
September 13 2017, 15:00:31
I honestly wouldn't have a problem with the hyphenated speech if she did actually use it all the time. I think it only makes her seem stupid because it comes absolutely out of nowhere and is inconsistent with how she generally speaks. If she spoke like that from the get go consistently then it wouldn't make her look stupid, more feral perhaps but one could still make intelligent points while talking that way.
[4B1]
theepistler
September 13 2017, 16:52:27
Yeah, I wouldn't have a problem with it either except as you say it comes right out of nowhere. Other than that one solitary example, she's never talked like this. You can tell Paolini just pulled it out of his arse. "Oh, I'm going to give the dragon a POV now. How should I make her sound dragonish? Oh I know - hyphens!" It just plain doesn't come off as something he worked out in advance (does any of it?)
[5]
thegharialguy
September 13 2017, 15:04:38
So it's possible to make a completely human looking illusion and maintain it without a massive strain on energy. Nobody ever considered using that for combat? Like what would Eragon do if he entered the throne room and instead of one Galbatorix there was like an army of him. Though I suppose you'd be able to probe the illusion's mind to tell it's not real. But still there's like a dozen useful ways of using illusions outside of what was done here. Throw a bunch of distraction knives at your enemy that aren't real. Making your army or raid party look twice as big to get a moral advantage. Place a load of sentry around the place to act like scarecrows.
I'm up next for sporking unless there's another mix up. Wrote it like months ago in my excitment. Will post it in a day or two.
[5A]
anontu
September 13 2017, 23:20:30
No need to wait for me. I'll post mine of this when I'm ready, so it might be like an ad break in the sporkings.
[6]
theepistler
September 15 2017, 11:30:45 Edited: September 15 2017, 11:32:22
If this is supposed to be a series about dragons, why is Saphira lying around doing absolutely nothing? What, could Paolini not think of any solo adventures for her?
He managed it with Roran. Then again maybe we should be grateful given how utterly boring and pointless Roran's subplot is.
Even so, he could have had the Empire attack again during Eragon's absence and shown how Saphira fights them off on her own, thereby demonstrating that she's perfectly capable of handling herself with Eragon tugging on the reins and instantly healing all her injuries. But nope! When the little brat isn't there she's basically a discarded shoe and about half as useful.