Brisingr Spork Chapter 50: The Tree of Life

[pangolin20]

snarkbotanya wrote in antishurtugal, 2018-08-15 23:27:00

Brisingr Spork Chapter 50: The Tree of Life
Hello everyone! It’s time to get unwanted hugs from the Menoa tree!


[Caption: Gif of tree from Resident Evil grabbing people]

Let’s just thank our stars that this isn’t that tree. Although seeing Eragon take a phallic branch up the arse would definitely qualify as some good gallows humor in my book.

Yes, fellow Anti-Shirts, we are back to the Brisingr sporking with “The Tree of Life”. This is another chapter title I have to quibble with, because since when has the Menoa tree been so associated with life? It’s definitely some kind of bizarre overlord of trees, but it’s not freaking Yggdrasil. Oh, wait, that’s why he did it: he wanted to imitate Norse mythology again.

Goddammit, Paolini.

( Seriously, I really wish the tree would just screw him to death. )

Next up will be “Mind Over Metal”, sporked by CmdrNemo with some editing by yours truly.
( Read more... )

Brisingr Sporking 51 Mind over Metal

[pangolin20]

cmdrnemo wrote in antishurtugal, 2018-08-18 15:22:00

Brisingr Sporking 51 Mind over Metal

I am not prepared. A demon hunter tells me this with a certain regularity. The Boy Scout in me bristles at the idea. In this instance it is completely true. I am attempting to spork the chapter Mind over Metal in Paolini’s Brisingr. I have never read this book. I have no intention of reading anything outside my self-assigned chapter here. This will be a disaster. Are you prepared?

“Where did you find that?” demanded Rhunön as Eragon staggered into the atrium of her house and dropped the lump of brightsteel ore onto the ground by her feet.

By Grabthar’s hammer what have I gotten myself into here. Brightsteel? Really. Was mithril not nerdy enough for you? Had to go for lower hanging fruit?

I love what this sentence says about Eragon’s personality. Just barges into someone’s house and drops the rock like a mic at a rap battle, all ‘yo, deal with it.’ No handing the ore over to the master ore worker person like it is precious or valuable, like a polite person would. Just, drop it like it’s hot the first chance you get. Cool. Dick.

I promise I’ll cut down on the quotes and the line by line soon.

"In as few words as possible, Eragon explained about Solembum and the Menoa tree."

So, dramatic entrance with a mic drop... followed by off screen exposition. Wow. Worst use of a dramatic entrance ever. Are we sure these books aren’t parodies of the usual over the top fantasy fare? Because that went from 100 to 0 so fast my airbag went off.

( Read more... )

Brisingr Spork: Chapter 52 - A Rider In Full

[pangolin20]

theepistler wrote in antishurtugal, 2018-08-19 18:22:00

LOCATION: United States, Virginia, Manassas
MOOD: hungry
MUSIC: Nightwish - End of an Era

Brisingr Spork: Chapter 52 - A Rider In Full

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